That perplexed girl

TOO PERPLEXED

Why is she gazing at me? What does she mean by her pout?

Can somebody bother to tell me what is all this about?

She has her legs crossed, oh! She winks at me, really!

Tell her to stop enigmas and simply clear my doubt.

I smile and say, "hi!" Oh! She turns away, why?

Tell her not to obfuscate, Mr Slender or you Mr Stout.

Hey, my friend, can you stop singing that romantic number?

What is up with the air? It smells romantic throughout.

Ah! My yanks are calling her Future Mrs 'Rohilla'.

Stop Sid! Stop Roger! Or I will throw you out.

PERPLEXITIES SOLVED

O my daint heart, do not throb, she will know the 'thing'.

Nightingale of Verona, do me a favour- do not sing.

My girl looks at me again, "Why are you crying, dear?"

I ask and she just shakes her head and says nothing.

All men turn demons and give me formidable looks.

If I am in hell, then what the heaven in occurring?

Ah! I realize too late, but at least I realize that, whoa.

I am walking towards her with the engagement ring.

Do you mind marrying 'Vatsal'? She doesn't, we embrace.

Our hearts meet and we are forgetting everything.

 

Reviews

[David Scott]

You have done well with your vocabulary. The poetry has a nice flow and keeps the reader interested to see what will happen next.
The "story" is a little bit fairytale in simplicity, but this can work very well with a poem if one does not take the read overly seriously.
A fun read with some insight into the complexities in communications.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thank you for the review, sir.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Two very fine ghazals written for fun. You are good with the rhymes. In the first one you are confused and your friends are adding to your unrest but all gets well in the second part of your ghazal

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for the kind review, sir.

[Pryde Foltz]

Enchanting and playful. Great write, Vassal:)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for the review, ma'am.

[Ria Carol]

The poem is life like...you could almost hear the voices of the people talking...its really nice...and light on the heart.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for your review, friend.

[barleygirl]

Interesting dance of attraction, described in formal-sounding language. I can feel the building tension that goes from a suggestion of marriage to a proposal. Fun vignette well constructed.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for the review, friend

[Richard🖌]

Quite a fetching Ghazal, Vatsal,
The beautiful story of interplay between lovers held my interest all the way through, and what romantic doesn't enjoy a happy ending for the lucky boy and girl!
Technically, all I can give in review is an English interpretation of this excellent Mid-Eastern form, and on that note: Word arrangement needs a bit of work to improve flow and poetic voice, and the lack of required even syllable count helped stilt flow, too, but overall I thought you've done a nice job with this one.
Particularly, the emotional level captivates and deepens this lighthearted romp through attention, foreplay, teasing, courting, and (finally) a successful proposal of marriage, where one assumes they live happily ever-after, home, children, and blissful happiness for a lifetime … or, that's what I'd like to believe.

See? You got me all involved … LOL!
Thanks, Vatsal, for sharing your unique poetical imagination … good stuff, M'Friend! ⁓ Richard


As it is, I'll give it a 90/100 … thanks for the privilege of a full review. : )

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Sir, it is an honour for me, privilege for me, that you stopped by and reviewed my poem. Thank you very much for giving me your valuable advice and, of course, for reviewing my poem.

[Richard🖌]

It's a genuine pleasure, Vatsal.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like this story...again i would refrain from the personal names to keep it more universal...but reminds me of the conversational style robert creeley often used in his poetry.

j.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thank you very much sir for your kind review. I will see to that I avoid personal names, however, when one writes a ghazal then he is bound to include his name in the last stanza- though I will now cross that boundary and avoid that.

[ATCcool]

haha....it's just so true....!! everything is so true...!!! just the perfect reactions

my favorite is
Ah! My yanks are calling her Future Mrs 'Rohilla'.
Stop Sid! Stop Roger! Or I will throw you out.
it happens you know!! haha.......well written and beautifully told.
it was amazing...keep up the work vatsal :)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thank you very much, ATC for stopping by and reviewing my work.

[Urja Gokani]

amazingly written
keep it up
:)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thank you Cherryblossom for your kind review.

[Urja Gokani]

welcome :)