Me

I'm not insecure, but I'm not confident either. I don't fit in, but I don't stand out either. I'm, just, me.

I'm not perfect. but neither am I imperfect. I'm not pretty, but no, I'm not ugly either.

There are nights I fawn over myself, and there are those nights spend I crying over my own darkness.

I'm not the kind of girl who shows you all her emotions, but I always ask if there's anybody who can see through the facade I put up.

I want somebody who listens to all my secrets, all insecurities, no matter how silly, but I fear the vulnerability it brings.

I wish there was some fantasy land where I could be the queen who sits on the throne and is all calm and collected, but later I return to dreaming about a king who shall take all the responsibilities off the poor queen's shoulders and let her live carelessly.

I do talk about gender equality and defying stereotypes, but then I return to watching rom-coms on Netflix and reruns of Friends on TV.

I tell people I don't believe in love, but fangirl about celebrities when I'm free.

I say I don't care about who wins the award, I just enjoy the music, but I fail to mention that it makes me feel all warm when he sings about his girl.

That I swear at the screen when Zayn Malik wins the award instead of Shawn Mendes. How I shout "In your face, sucker!" when Shawn finally wins something Justin Bieber was nominated for.

I'm not the perfect baby girl my family believes me to be, nor am I the bad girl I show strangers I am.

There are those days when I'm so afraid of everything, of the future, the past, life, and there are those days when I believe I could slay a hundred Chimeras.

I feel so lonely, so misunderstood, but so suffocated at the same time.

I try so hard to appreciate the effort, and not the outcome, but it's easier said than done.

I love my family so much, but I don't know how to express it. They don't know of the hurricane of affection in my heart, no matter how much I want them to.

There are those days that I want so bad to fit into a stereotype, but it makes me stand out even more, yet not enough to truly make me unique.

I'm not who you think I am, but I'm not even the mystery you can't even imagine.

But then, what am I?

© 2017 Vasilees Sybissyl

Author's Note

Thank you for reading!! In case you were wondering, even though I am a huge fan of all the people (Except Friends. No hate, I'm more of a The Big Bang Theory person.) mentioned, this is not based on my feelings. The person this line is targeting knows it, don't you.

I just wanted to highlight the life of many teens, who fit in, yet just don't fit in. Who are just average. You might notice that the language is clumsy, but that's because I wanted to represent all those teens. (I feel like that too. Don't tell anyone.)

So thanks for reading, and leave a comment down below if you can relate!!

My Review

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Reviews

Tbear

I really enjoyed the honesty and reflection of this piece.. well done you.. following are a few bits that i wondered about..
will keep reading you...write on...

neither an I imperfect (am?)
there are those ways when I believe ( days?)

Posted 8 Years Ago

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much gor pointingnthose typos out!! And thank you so much for reading!

8 Years Ago

Tis my pleasure :)

Neetu Gupta

Lovely story....bful use of language.

Posted 8 Years Ago

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much!! Thank you for reading and taking the time to review, it meant the world to me.

Layla Fairchild

I really relate to this except the awards one. I don't even know the people you mentioned except Justin Bieber (and no offence but I don't think much of him). I actually let my family see my bad side and let strangers see the good side. I guess I prefer to let strangers get a good impression. But this is exactly how I feel. You just wrote me! I guess this is a stage the teenagers just go through. I wouldn't have been able to put it down so good. Keep it up, it's awesome!