Chapter One

“Grandpa?” My voice came out shaky and urgent. “Grandpa! Wake up!” I was shouting now, screaming for my grandpa to simply open his eyes. I couldn’t lose him, I needed him, he was the only one who I could open up to and now he was leaving me.

                “Leena you need to let him go, he is gone.” My father spoke making me turn to face him, tears streaming down my cheeks. “I know it is hard, but we must get him to the hospital.” I stared up at him, blinking more tears from my eyes. I knew he was right, that I had to move, I just couldn’t bring myself to let him go. Not just yet. A soft hand landed on my shoulder, my mothers, she had a sweet smile on her face, and I could see her holding back tears trying to be strong for my sake.

                I leaned down closer to my Grandpa’s motionless face, kissing his forehead.

“Rest in peace Grandpa, I will see you again one day.” I whispered to him slowly loosening my grip on his hand letting my father take my place. I stood next to my mother my face free from any emotion. My mother looked just as beautiful as she always did, her dark blonde hair fell over her shoulders in gorgeous waves, and her bright blue eyes watching the scene play out before her. I only wished I had my mother’s looks instead I was stuck with white blonde hair, everyone thought it was dyed that way but it is completely natural, stopping halfway down my back and dark brown eyes, not as striking as the other females in my family.

                I let out a large yawn and no wonder, it was now three in the morning and I still hadn’t slept.

“Leena why don’t you go on home?” My mother urged obviously noticing my yawn and being her usual self and worrying. To make matters easier for her I nodded in agreement, grabbed my bag, and after giving my grandpa one last goodbye kiss I made my way home.

                The walk home was fairly short; the cold air around me sent shivers down my spine every few minutes. I had started the walk fighting away tears but it hadn’t worked. Tears were running down my cheeks once again, wiping at my face was useless, once tears were wiped away new ones replaced them. The sky above me was black with just the light from the bright moon lighting my way through the lonely streets of London. I was only walking for roughly 20 minutes before I came to my home, I hesitated at the door for a while before pushing the key into the lock and opening the door. Nobody was home yet, no doubt still at the hospital, so I ran upstairs to my bedroom and flopped down on my bed my face buried into my pillow. I didn’t cry, I didn’t have it in my anymore, so I lay there in silence eventually falling to sleep.

                The next morning I was woken by load banging coming from downstairs, listening more closely I found it was the front door. I looked over at my alarm clock which stood on top of my mahogany side table next to my bed, it read 7 o’clock.

“Wonder who that could be this early.” I thought to myself. We never got visitors this early, maybe once or twice but it was normally expected. I jumped off of my bed slipping my feet into my fluffy black slippers and made my way to the front door. I first peered through the peep hole, and not recognising the woman who stood on the other side of the door I put the chain on before opening the door.

“Hello?” My voice came out shaky. I hoped the woman hadn’t noticed the slight fear in my voice. Why I was afraid of this woman I did not know, I just had a horrible feeling about her.

“Leena? Leena Patel?” Her voice was soft and gentle, she had a slight smile on her face and her emerald eyes were shining like diamonds in the sun, with one swift movement she brushed her curly dark hair out of her eyes and cocked her head to the side. “That is you right?”

“Uh, yes.” I was snapped out of my trance caused by this stunning woman. “I’m Leena Patel, and you are?” I asked hoping I would get a nice enough answer.

“My name is Lilith, I am...” She paused and looked down at her feet, “Was a great friend of your Grandpa’s.”

“You knew Grandpa?” Suddenly all the fear washed away, yet something still felt unnerving.

“Indeed my child, he was a great man, loved by all that met him.” She spoke boldly. “He actually told me to give you a little visit Leena, and a letter.” Lilith handed me a small black envelope which had my name inscribed in my Grandpa’s handwriting on the front in silver lettering.  “For now though this is my time up, I shall return back another day to talk with you further.” Before I could say anything else Lilith had turned and was walking toward a black car which had tinted windows. I simply shouted a good-bye and returned inside with the envelope in hand.

                I placed the letter down on the table unable to read it, I couldn't cope with it just yet, I would wait a day or two. Instead I wanted to ring my mother; no one had kept me updated so I needed to find out for myself. The phone rang for a good minute before finally my mother answered.

“Leena, what’s wrong?” She sounded worried.

“You tell me.” I responded, brushing off the worry in my mother’s voice something massive has happened to our family, worry was to be expected.

“Ah well, the doctors here tried everything they could but nothing managed to bring Grandpa back to us.” I was surprised my mother had not bawled over the phone right then and there, instead she sounded unusually calm. “We are just leaving the hospital now, shouldn't be too long.”

“Be careful, I love you.” The phone line went dead after my mother had said her goodbyes. So it was official my Grandpa was definitely gone, forever.

Reviews

[Kianna]

Dear BlueXya,

The summary captivated me and I really wanted to read this. Some notes, this sentence could be revised, "My mother looked just as beautiful as she always did, her dark blonde hair fell over her shoulders in gorgeous waves, and her bright blue eyes watching the scene play out before her. I only wished I had my mother’s looks instead I was stuck with white blonde hair, everyone thought it was dyed that way but it is completely natural, stopping halfway down my back and dark brown eyes, not as striking as the other females in my family." I thought it was awesome how you brought in the description though.

Change the first comma into a period, "I didn’t cry, I didn’t have it in my anymore, so I lay there in silence eventually falling to sleep."

Change comma into period or semi colon, " I looked over at my alarm clock which stood on top of my mahogany side table next to my bed, it read 7 o’clock."

You misspelled "recognizing," here, "recognising."

Otherwise, the chapter was amazing. It was mysterious and left me wondering who Lilith was and why the sudden change in emotion with the mother. I think this is a great start for your novel and am interested in reading more. I see that chapter one is set up like a prologue like a head in then slow down kind of thing. It works, rather, I can't tell if it works until I see more, but it looks good now.

Sincerely JazzSoulKeke,

God bless

[Jamal]

amazing chapter, felt the emotions raw and vivid. although that woman Lillith, with a name like that I could understand why Leena didn't trust her. looking forward to more

[VanillaBean]

Thank you! Someone see's what I was trying to do with the name Lilith! :D

[Robert Malcom]

I like how the end ties in with the beginning, but (if you're looking improvement possibilities) I feel like the first chapter could use a little more character development and that Lilith should exactly be introduced so quickly. Just a thought but really nice work!

[VanillaBean]

I introduced her early for a reason, that will come in a few chapters time. The second chapter will have more character development, this was more of a scene setting chapter.

[sonnetmoon]

"Grandpa?" my voice came out shaky and urgent' - this is a great first line. Looking forward to the next chapter.

[VanillaBean]

Thank you very much! I can never think of ways to start my writing..

[Nisa]

Nice. A really strong first chapter. My only query is whether you meant to use "definitely" in that last sentence, as opposed to "defiantly". Otherwise you're good.

[VanillaBean]

Ahh thank you for noticing that! :L Typos will be the death of me!

[Nisa]

No worries :)