Raw Sucrose

I really liked the imagery you used here - especially "Peel the moon like an orange," that hooked me into this poem like nothing else. Even though it's short, you definitely illustrate the point well. And perhaps the shortness of the poem attests to the theme that everything is meaningless - why keep writing the same poem when it won't matter?
I think the only problem I have with it (and this one is kinda minor too) is the use of "butterflies that float around in my stomach." That metaphor is pretty cliché, and though you reworded it and whatnot it still feels a little bland compared to the rest of this poem's incredible visuals.
Tl;dr: I loved just about all of it! Keep up with the awesomeness!

Posted 6 Years Ago

I really liked the imagery you used here - especially "Peel the moon like an orange," that hooked me into this poem like nothing else. Even though it's short, you definitely illustrate the point well. And perhaps the shortness of the poem attests to the theme that everything is meaningless - why keep writing the same poem when it won't matter?
I think the only problem I have with it (and this one is kinda minor too) is the use of "butterflies that float around in my stomach." That metaphor is pretty cliché, and though you reworded it and whatnot it still feels a little bland compared to the rest of this poem's incredible visuals.
Tl;dr: I loved just about all of it! Keep up with the awesomeness!

Posted 6 Years Ago