Mars and the Motel

 

What with star-shed light that I waited,

Listened for the obscure excuse for a signal.

I debated.

Upon moss-spread dilutions,

(Rocks),

Did I slip?

Peering into the eyes that cast jewels,

Glass jewels,

In my stomach.

So abiding I waited,

I waited.

 

What with orange peel electrons swarming calmly at the moon’s edge

In the minuit solitude, says the French man,

I cast my own eyes into the stars,

My own star;

The star called ‘Last’,

‘Loneliness’,

‘Devotion’.

It’s all there in the darkness of my own motel.

 

Closing my eyes in this forlorn cloud

The metallic structure around my neck grows heavy,

Heavier still.

I’ve waited.

My castle of sheets, of smoke,

Blocks out all light,

All light and all luster, I say.

My castle, it shoots me to mars.

(It’s just above my head.)

I’m gone from this place.

Lost in the blankets, I’m shot into the past.

(You’re just above my head.)

I’m still waiting.

Reviews

[J.P.O.et]

I am at a loss for the appropriate accolades to shower you with in regards to this stunning piece.
This is def one of my faves from you and a fave from anyone for that matter.
The title is perfect. Title can be important as far as the difference in catching one's attention
and being read as opposed to skipped over, and you nailed it with this title.
The first verse you set things up nicely and 'Did I slip?'.
Really like the play on dilutions/delusions, that is really well done.
The 2nd verse also with 'The star called 'Last', 'Loneliness, Devotion'.....in the darkness of my own motel.'
Then the third verse with the comparisons and metaphors of being locked up or confined in some way
with 'metallic structure around my neck' and 'My castle of sheets, of smoke'. The examples of sheets
and smoke being easily penetratable and making me think twice.
'My castle, it shoots me to mars.
I'm gone from this place.
Lost in the blankets, I'm shot into space.'
For some reason I can't get that out of my head, like a loop or a hook it just lingers.
This is def going into my faves, thank you so much V.

J.P.O.et

[Larissa G.]

Wow. I was hit all at once with the vivid beauty of this. As always, your style and perspective was memorizing and downright delicious. Yes. I dare to see that; it's that good and I can never quite get enough of your work. :)

[Anima Inspired]

This was really spectacular... Not only was this vivid, but it felt so tangible...if that makes any sense...as so much of the poetry that I come across is just "trying" to go through the paces of hitting an emotional chord, but this one really nailed it, and without pretense. I like the fact that it was a little obscure, and the images that you used were great. Bravo!