This House

I'm learning that it's okay to be inspired by the small things.

 

This House

 

Everything detaches

Unlatches

In this house.

Everything’s broken

In this house.

The walls have all yellowed;

I’m so far from mellow

In this house.

The mulch is my haven,

I sit like a raven

That hides from the menace

Of this house.

 

Everything’s dying

And crying

In this house.

Things all but shimmer

And glimmer

In this house.

The captain does wither,

Does slither,

Will melt and falls hither.

 

Things fall apart

And dart

To part

From this house.

Author's Note

To be completely honest, this came on when I broke off the mirror in my mom's car, and when I came home to things that seemed broken, as well. I started mouthing out the words and realized the deeoer meaning of small things.

Reviews

[speakingcolors]

i gotta say, and i hope you don't take this badly, but this isn't my favorite thing you've written. it almost seems like the draft of something better. i really like the idea and where it could go, but i think it's just not there yet.

[Ray Hamilton]

They say everything happens in threes, so hang in there
I really enjoyed this one, Thanks Ray { Not a Poet }

[Blue Sky]

sounds all too familiar,
great work of word play
flow and rhyme was just fabulous,
great write!!

[Larissa G.]

This struck me, hard, because in my house, we are not the best financially, I have been verbally abused in the past, my parents are closer to divorce than ever, and I am haunted by nightmares I never once shared with anyone but might very well have to, soon.
Thank you for the beautiful, emotional poem.

[Broken.]

I love this piece entirely.
Everything about it is...

Well I don't really know, I guess its inexplicable..
Maybe in an odd sense of comfort. Like I know how your feeling and we'll keep each other warm through times like these.

Understanding.

[M@]

Nicely written, and easy on the eyes. Small, yet sophisticated enough to make a reader think, this piece nicely puts a lot of meaning into a simple idea/observation that most people wish they could convey with the accuracy you have.

I enjoy the rhyme scheme that you've played with here. Traditional, but not forced to be, as certain lines don't match up to any others. It's loose, yet not loose enough to be name-tagged as a certain kind of rhyme pattern. Be that as it may, there were just a few words/rhymes that seemed to be forced:
"The captain does wither,
Does slither,
Will melt and falls hither."
This sounds incredibly nice, and flows off the tongue when spoken, but "hither" seems out of place, albeit not by much, considering the whimsical overture of the rest of the piece.

Nicely done; a nice way to spin a thought that many feel themselves.