Disgarded Flower

The wind is breathing. It breathes me quite gently, my love.

And when I'm in the lungs, surrounded by delicate white bone,I think of you.

That gorgeous melody of the in-out structure.... so perfectly clicking together as one, as inveterate

As my unsteady heart beats. That's from you, you know.

I'm digging now, digging for that thing that has to be you.

And I thought I was done. I thought the leaves were brown, rotten, dead. Lovely, the leaves are alive. They always have been. The life comes back when a smidgen of your scent lingers near. It's there. It's here. It's everywhere. And quite frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Your finger burns a hole through me,

Touching only the slightest bit of flesh.

And still, I crave.

That small bit of flesh that is left of my heart

Is yours. The rest is scaley.... hard like some cliffs edge....

That stabs through careful slices,

Putting to an end what would be nothing without you, anyhow.

 

 

The vulgar fish creeps near. His deteriorating flesh floats by my eye.

And thine eye art more striking.

The funny little child laughs at spilled milk on the floor.

Your disgarding of me takes me to the floor.

 

Reviews

[Edward Clay]

a few grammatical errors, but im not going to focus on them.

"ofyour scentlingers near" - this part needs spacing though.

there are cetain parts of this that feel a bit unnecessary - a bit of an over analysis takes away the feel and movements of this pice and it loses the reader, only int he sense that they arent allowed to drift off on their own and picture things - instead, i felt as if i needed to contempalte too hard on what was going on, trying to see your picture - telling, not showing. it certainly has potential, but i just feel it could develop more. thats me though.

[Lalli]

The rejuvenation of love.... your description in contrast to before and after as well thought out.

this poem is from the heart, and i commend and admire all heartfelt poetry.
I feel th ebest poetry is written in such a way, because the courage to expose such vulnerability commands respect.

I liked it.. and especially how you ended it.. with the child laffing over spilled milk.

sorry it took so long to finally get to eh read request. I didn't forget bout ya ;-p

much love n respect

-Lalli

[Blue Sky]

'Disregarded flower' has a nice feel to it
you set an impact with emotions
with that feeling of longing for someone
and your choice of a disregarded flower
is a very nice choice to express these emotions

'Touching only the slightest bit of flesh'

sounds to me you really thought this one out
to have a rather effective impact
just a little part in the third last line
just briefly took me away with a voice of olde English
not sure if that was your intentions, but how I thought
this poem was just purely delightful to read
I like the way it aided with wonderfully expressed emotions

Excellent work!! : ]]

[Kat]

This is written very well m'dear I like how you express your emotions.
But I don't want you to be sad....

[Broken.]

Ooo lala I like how it was written.
Beautiful.