The way of love

Precious twirled before the mirror giggling at the way the skirt of her ball gown rose up in a cloud of white around her. She loved looking at her reflection and grabbed the opportunity to do so every chance she got. Her full lips spread in a wide smile as she remembered how her siblings always used to mercilessly tease her about her addiction to the mirror but she did not care. "What was beauty created for if not to be beheld and appreciated?" she always retorted when confronted about her habit, ''besides it does me a whole load of good to remind myself how lucky I am to be the benefactor of such good looks,'' she would add with a mischievous twinkle in her pretty oval shaped jet black eyes before nimbly skipping out of the reach of her mother's swatting hands. Dear old Mrs Moyo was a simple old lady who hated such talk: spare the rod and spoil the child was a child rearing recipe that she absolutely swore on and Precious knew this well enough to stay away from her mother when she chose to resort to any of her impish ways. 

 

Precious stopped twirling and stood stalk still studying herself. She had not bothered with too much makeup- there was no need to. Her brown skin was flawless with not even the slightest blemish and none of her features required any enhancement. They stood out perfectly on their own without any cosmetic assistance. Her lithe young body though modestly clothed in the knee length, milky white evening dress still managed to ooze a sensuality that was beyond her years. Taking a deep breath she turned away from the mirror and let herself out of the dressing room and into the hallway... 

 

The hallway was filled with nervous girls who like Precious were dressed to the nines in elegant nightwear. They stood in small groups chattering excitedly as they swapped last minute makeup tips and advice on how to do away with the shyness and have a great night. Precious scanned the crowd looking for any familiar faces. Finding that none of her mates had made it to the venue yet she resorted to sitting alone at one of the sofas placed conveniently around the room whilst she waited for the doors of the great hall to open and for the nights events to start. 

Tonight was the night of the Leavers dance and underneath the cool exterior Precious was as excited as all the other girls in the room. She had waited for this day for years now and she still could not believe that it had finally arrived. After all those years of hoping and dreaming, she was now only a couple of minutes from making her grand entrance into the hall. Behind those closed gigantic doors her date was waiting for her- just thinking about him made her heart thump so! How she wished to make time move faster so that she could join him....

ON the other side of the gigantic oak doors, Joshua Drew stood with a couple of mates expectantly waiting for the doors to be opened and to finally be able to be with his sweetheart. He fidgeted with his cuff links as he tried to visualize his young girlfriend.

"Don't worry man, trust me- this night is going to go down in history for being the best leavers party any school has ever hosted!" Yivani one of his friends, slapped him playfully on the back having noted his anxiety.

Joshua turned to his friend and smiled, " Thanks man, i just want everything to go well- i want everything to be perfect for her, "

Little did he know that in his tailored charcoal grey suit which accentuated his graceful athletic body, he looked the part of a picture perfect gentleman who had stepped out of most girls day dreams. His girl friend who was absolutely besotted with romantic figures would definitely be swept away by the dashing figure that he cut in his formal wear and would be transported back in time to the days of romantic ballroom dancing with charming gentlemen.

Joshua dropped his hands into his pockets and brought out a small pocket watch which he studied impatiently for the umpteenth time. It seemed as though they had been waiting for the longest time ever. And he could feel the seconds as they slowly dragged into minutes.

Suddenly the gong sounded and all the young men in the room turned to face the doors. The time had finally come.

Slowly the doors opened...

In measured steps the rays of sunlight filtered into the room in the brightest splash of color that bathed the room in a surreal light, momentarily blinding the young men with it's heart stopping brilliance. Shining more brightly than the rest, Precious stepped into the room and as she looked around the room for Joshua, their eyes met. Smiling, he strode towards her.

"You just took my breathe away, my love," he whispered into her ear as he took her hand in his. His sincere compliment touched Precious' heart and her eye immediately filled with tears.

"Thank you baby, you look handsome too," A smile played on Joshua's lips as he led her onto the dance floor where he pulled her gently into his arms and allowed the song to serenade them all the way to their own little secret world.

The music died down and all the occupants of the hall turned to the stage where the master of ceremonies stood waiting to address them.

"I'm extremely pleased to announce that we have now come to the part that most of us- the ladies in particular- have been looking forward to and as you all know, I have with me a few tokens of appreciation from the Romeo's in this room meant for their sweethearts.So without further ado, may the young women in question come up to the stage as I call out the names on these packages, " Excitedly the young women made their way to the stage as their names were called out. Shrieks of delight filled the hall as they delightedly emptied the little gift boxes of their simple contents and gushed out their thank yous to their partners.

Standing motionless on the stage, Precious looked the picture of desolation. Her features were like stone as she looked down at her empty hands, and the delighted shrieks of those around her were like abrasives rubbing onto the wound in her heart, deepening her pain.

She was so lost in her thoughts that when Joshua came up behind her, she didn't hear him and when he stroked her bare neck, she almost jumped out of her skin. Gently he pulled her into his arms but she pulled away before he could fully embrace her.

"Please don't go away baby," his eyes begged her as he held onto her hand. Precious looked up at him as tears filled her eyes, unable to articulate the pain that she felt all because of his thoughtlessness.

"I know you were looking forward to receiving a gift from me to me tonight baby, but i couldn't buy you anything. Please understand. I know its probably selfish of me to deprive you of this small pleasure but i couldn't buy you anything," he looked pleadingly into her eyes, " I really couldn't find anything of monetary value that could express how i feel for you. If selfishness is the inability to find anything to express what I feel inside, then I am definitely guilty, and i am so sorry," he held her hand tighter, " please forgive me,"

"Baby..." Precious buried a wet face into Joshua's shoulder as emotions overwhelmed her. " Baby...how can I forgive you for loving me so much? How can it be an of fence for you to feel the way you do?" She looked up at him before continuing, " I feel so blessed to be loved by someone like you, I truly do and I love you too so much,"

Smiling brightly as he offered her his hand, Joshua asked, "Seeing that all has been forgiven,may I have this day then?"

Precious slipped her hand into his, and allowed herself to be led onto the dance floor by the man she loved....

 

   

Author's Note

Although this is a "completed" piece,it is still very much a work in progress and I would like to hear from you the reader what you think about this amateur piece of writing. Any constructive criticism is welcome...

Reviews

[Imara]

"spare the rod and spoil the child" well this just contradicted what the mother just did. You just implied that she hit, or tried to hit, her child often.
"which accentuated his graceful athletic body,...charming gentlemen." Be care of useless descriptions this is a very short story and this is doing nothing to further the story. Also you said "Little did he know" in the beginning which suggest a plot twist hint,which you're not doing so I would reword that.
This ha a lot of potentional for you to explore your characters emotions of their young love and the importance of the dance by just making it longer. Your entire story is a build up and then you leave us to wonder, so add a conflict or something that one of them needs to say. Since there is not definiate ending give us something to think about and really build up the tension more. Also I would delete that whole first paragraph it doesn't have anything to do with anything, all you do is show that Precious is vain and talk about her mother who has nothing to do with anything. This story is very underwhelming, but the good news is all you have to do is make it longer and give the characters a real reason to need to see each other other than to be with one another. Give us some chemistry between them. Make us love that they're in love and make us want the night to go well. You have the talent to do that, that's clear. Don't be afraid of making your story to long, if you're saying something the reader will read. Here you talking but you're not saying much. What you have is enjoyable and well written but you do need more. I hope you send me the RR for the second draft, keep going :)

[Clara]

A very romantic piece. It really showcases your heart.

[Chloe]

You write well and what I read flowed clearly. Your charecters are in depth- their personality and looks shown well. However I struggled to imagian your setting, and I would suggest putting more emphasis there. The ony other thing I'd comment on would be that it seems unclear as to where you could take the story from here other than into the obvious genre of romance in which competition is high. But other than that from your first sentence I was hooked.
I'd say that your opening paragraph was the best thing about the piece- it allowed the reader to form a bond and opinion with the nurator. Good work. I'll add this to my reading list.

[Vanadis17]

Thank you very much for the review...settings are pretty hard for me to describe- I will see how best to tackle that problem asap...am really glad to find that you like it though...