My Kind

Harnessing myself to her thought,
I can't be certain on anything I've bought,
Always regretting the siblings I've fought,
Yet this time I'm precise, I've received what I've sought.

Watching my morals crumble before my eyes,
I've decided to don a liquid trait,
Perhaps I'm meant to be one who can't sigh,
And I'm a hypocrite, one filled with hate.
Yet, I've seemingly survived all the lies,
The intricate labyrinth she used as bait
Drowned my echo and my futile cries,
The ghost, one smiling, interlaced our fate.

I can feel myself falling, using her as a life force,
Trekking the stars and calling, my blood refuses to course.
Pursuit is minimal, watching attempted cries from a voice too hoarse.
Perhaps we're criminals, wicked laughing with no remorse.

Yet the love for us is available as the night sky,
And at the end of the day we always embrace,
And it doesn't matter if death brings a light sigh,
We're all grudge-free, and we know better than to make haste.

Reviews

[Jack...]

Very cool my friend. I like the theme. Reminds me of a song. "She's my lady, and we fight sometimes. Drive each other crazy, plumb out of our freaking minds. But at the end of the day it don't matter what you say, she'll be standing....right by my side.

[M. L. Zane]

With "trek" and "star" in your tags next to one another, I initially read that as "Star Trek". I almost thought you'd written a poem on Star Trek. It's been a long week.

Anyway, this is an interesting critique on human nature in general. Your manipulation of language is clever and unexpected (Liquid trait? Glorious.), and I find myself pondering the meaning a few times over. I'm still undecided as to the exact meaning, but what you have here works.

It may be a lack of sleep, but I fail to find any suggestions to give you on this work. Sorry. It's just well written. I suppose it's the initial rhyme that completely disappears after the first four lines. It seems without need, and it just feels a bit tacked on. This is just a minor problem, though.

Anyway, the reason for my sloth response is my book. Song of Sinai is now on the Amazon Kindle store. Check it out. I think you'll like it.

Regards,
-M.L. Zane

[Raymond Federle]

Rhyme is very good. I like it! :) Cant believe you rhymed plethora as well.... awesome!
:)