A Bunch of Green Leaves

the grass is not always greener on the other side. October 2011

I roll over and awake once again on this lopsided, lumpy bed. In my unwillingness to begin another tedious day of traveling, taking notes, ignoring whispers and wishing I were someone else, I shove my glasses onto my face and allow my eyes to sweep across the loft.

            That desk in the corner isn’t mine; neither is the lamp set upon it, or the “How to Succeed in College” bulleted list taped to the wall. The statue by the door leading out to the balcony, of the lady pig in her patchy dress, wearing muffled fake eyelashes isn’t mine. That dictionary up on the ledge beside the staircase? Yep, you guessed it. Not mine either.

            Miserably, I pull my weight out of bed, and that is precisely what it feels like. Pulling my weight. Not my spirits rising with my body, or my toes reaching to find safety on the hardwood, but dragging a big, heavy cinderblock. I continue to drag the nearly useless block over to the window.

            I’m used to seeing the sunrise, with its cotton candy clouds dusted with grains of glowing gold. I’m accustomed to seeing signs of civilization such as the elementary school from across the pasture sprinkled with cows and splotched by green and yellow. I used to see the telephone wires that the little birds perched themselves on to sing out their tunes, reminding me that there’s joy in the world.

            I see none of that now. Now I see trees. Just a bunch of green leaves. No variation of color, no vibrancy. No sun shining through to put the light in my smile for the day. No birds chirping their praises, reminding me to do the same. What I see here is bland. Boring. Simple.

            Am I really any happier here than I was in the very hell that I wanted to escape? I know for a fact I am no less stressed out, if not more so now. The grass really isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes, there’s not even grass. Just false advertising. Just a bunch of green leaves.

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

ohh dear ,how i love the way you write..exactly like starting a typical day
of not really a happy life..how i felt it times and times
i pull myself like some heavy weight,soul like all left
leaving some bags of heavy weight that i pull here and there
ohh what life,yes the green that i used to see is never that lively
like before even the birds like stupid creatures ,they never sing again
maybe they felt it would be out of place,and silly if they did
how i loved how you showed how things were so nasty..always
lovely write

[Distant horizons]

Excellent write. Sometimes indeed, but you need to try it to find that out. That's what is important.