The Voice [working title]

Just putting on a few lines to see how this idea will grow in my mind..valentine

            The Voice

 

   The hospital room was dark and cold; the only lights glowing were the ones flashing on the monitors in the Intensive Care Unit.  Now and then a beeping sounded and numbers flashed across a screen and then went out.  Lying in the pristine clean stark room a single hospital bed sat, on the bed was the broken and battered body of a young woman. A intravenous needle taped to her arm, a tube running to a bag for her to urinate and a feeding tube offering her nourishment near her waist.

   The times a doctor or a nurse walked into the room their voices would echo off of the barren walls as they spoke loudly to her. Hearing is the last thing to go they said and they wanted this "Jane Doe" to hear them if she were able to.  Each time an attendant entered, the sheet on her feet was lifted and her bare feet tapped over and over as they spoke loudly to her. Waiting for an eye twitch, any kind of movement that would let them know they were reaching her mind.

   Each evening a handsome young man would enter the room for the allotted ten minutes allowed on the Intensive care floor every hour.  Most days he was sporting a cowboy hat and dusty range clothes.  He would sit touching her hand, speaking in a soothing calm voice as he spoke to her of his day at the ranch or his part time hours he spent in town getting a securities internet business started.

   His warm voice could be heard the full ten minutes that he sat beside of her each hour he was there.  When he went back to the waiting room he would grab a cup of coffee and a something to munch on from one of the vending machines there.  He then sat down, and opened a briefcase and wrote down the next days work for his foreman and ranch hands.  At other times, using a laptop computer he would issue the next days agenda for the department heads at his small computer business.

  At the top of the hour, in he would walk again. Back into the cold stark room and look down at the battered body of the young woman on the hospital bed.  His voice relating tales of ranch life, like the day when riding fence lines he encountered a bear.  What ever came into his head he spoke aloud to her.

   Jane Doe lay broken and battered. Her head fractured in numerous places, her face beaten beyond recognition.  Not conscious of the days passing or of her mother's heart breaking in another state wondering what had happened to her missing child.  This Jane Doe slept on and on.  As Brody spoke of ranch life, bears, steers, mountain ranges evening after evening, he prayed this young girl would live.

   One night as he droned on "Jane" became aware enough that she heard a voice far off in the distance.  A warm compelling voice, then all would turn to black and be silent again.  As time went on more and more words would be heard before midnight's black enclosed her in its forbidding arms.  During the early hours of the black day she would become more aware and would attempt to hear "the voice."  Where was "the voice" ? She wanted to hear "the voice".  But it was not there.

   Days were passing and hospital routine continued, Brody not knowing the girl,  still came and went. Talking to her but not knowing his voice was becoming the only thing that she was sometimes aware of in the long agonizing vigil.

   Brody often sat in the waiting room, wondering who had put this young woman's battered body into the sleeper of his brother Dan's 18 wheeler semi?  Which stop, what state? Just when was she tossed into a truck and buried under piles of soiled clothes in the sleeper? How many days and how many miles could she have possibly been in there? What about her family? Were they searching for her?  Most of all, who would have beaten and battered someone and then toss them out like yesterdays garbage to die? Or did they think she was all ready dead?

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

If this is just the introduction to more chapters, then I can see you creating a great story. If not ... It should be! The beginning was a bit vague, but quickly took the reader's (me) attentiveness from paragraph to paragraph.

Great impressive write - I would keep the title just as it is!

Note: there are a few typo errors; A 'intravenous' needle, His 'warm' voice, next days 'agenda', face beaten 'beyond' recognition.

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[Rylan Batten]

very good read...i especially liked the ending. way to go, thanks