Deep in the Sea

Dedicated to the play “Deep in the Sea”.

The flower looks for morning’s dew,

To spruce herself and share with you!

Musician dreams to find a song,

That everyone would sing along!

The flower starts to tell the story,

To help musician find the glory.

About the wolf and its adventure,

How in the sea he found the venture.

While baby-wolf there fools-around,

Exploring fish and  blue sea-ground.
The dad of his goes mad on beach,

Not knowing how his boy to reach!

He dives himself deep into seas,

When frightening creature there that sees.

With huge tentacle it quickly grabs it,

And in the dark deep hole it slowly drags it.

The crazy fish and baby-wolf,

Goes for the help of tiny frog.

To rescue father from the hell,

And here the story comes to end.

To see what happened in the hole,

If all the friends had reached their goal �"

You need to come and see the Play,

Rush in, bring friends and don’t delay!

Reviews

[Vaiduka]

Brian, this poem is dedicated to a play that I am performing.
"The dad of his goes mad on beach,
Not knowing how his boy to reach!"

This is taken from the play. Wolf dad starts to freak-out when after waking up he can't find his son. He is told that boy went to the bottom of the sea and dad doesn't know how to get to the bottom himself. Perhaps the way I put my words does not make sense.

As well as with "seas" and "sees". I suppose you are right saying that it is confusing unless you can see it in written form.

Thank you, Brian!

[Khance]

Okay, the picture freaks me out. But the poem started off really well. Loved the first two paragraphs. When you said "Adventure" and then followed with "Venture" I felt that it started to lose momentum and rhythm.

Some of the things you were trying to say, didn't make proper sense.

"The dad of his goes mad on beach,
Not knowing how his boy to reach!"

That didn't really work in my brain, I didn't understand it. Also, saying seas and sees, it's the same sound and can confuse the reader.

I love the poem though, it was fun to read. Some of the imagery was fantastic, other parts need work, but all in all, I like it. :)