Arthur C Clarke said..."Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying."
It does not take much thought to see the relative truth in that. It is both very funny and, depending on your depth of seriousness, can be frightening as well.
"Loneliness. It hurts. It kills you deep inside. It makes you feel empty." If you wrote this from what you feel in your heart, it is easy to cry for you. The writing is most poignant. But, as your screen name implies, It Will Change. And in a moment, you will realize that the things we feel...are always the choices we decide to embrace. And it does not mean that whatever we decide to embrace is beholden to us to never let it go or feel something else. It's always up to us. Nice job!
"You search and search
for someone who cares,
anyone who understands...
loneliness,
it hurts," - I like what you're going for, I would suggest adding more description. Don't tell us that loneliness hurts - Show us. How does it hurt? What does it taste like? look like? sound like?
"it kills you deep inside,
it makes you feel empty,
it stops you in your stride," - Again, you have a good outline, but I think it needs more than just stating things about loneliness. I like the stride line because it gave me something to imagine - envision.
"you cry yourself to sleep,
hugging your pillow tight" - This is good, I like the imagery - tap into that empathy and think about how you would explain this without cliche's, to someone who was feeling it for the first time.
overall, I like the idea, and feel this is a great outline. I think it could use a bit more as far as imagery goes. Don't tell the readers - move them. Make the feel by showing them. Thank you for the read, Write on.
-Rynn
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thank you very much for reviewing Rynn...its hard to describe how it hurts but i'll definetly try to.. read moreThank you very much for reviewing Rynn...its hard to describe how it hurts but i'll definetly try to work on it. Thank you :)
7 Years Ago
I understand, describing things like that isn't easy. I believe in you. Looking forward to more grea.. read moreI understand, describing things like that isn't easy. I believe in you. Looking forward to more great material :)