A Hummingbird Trying to Swim

A Hummingbird Trying to Swim

A Poem by Vianna

What do I have to do to live above the surface?
What must I take from the water to be able to fly?
My wild longing beats upon the sea walls
I should burn everything in my way, but, if I do, I will become a monster, a being 
undeserving
Freedom is there, but the barrier separates me from it
The guards would bring me back to the dungeons if I left
The spears they use pierce my limbs so deep, I am chained
The darkness blinds me from what I know I see, from what I know exists
There is no purpose in the palace, yet I trap what remains of my pride...
...in this broken and cracked sphere of absolute perfectionism and success
I am nothing but a scarred demon acting among winged angels who see me for what 
I truly am 
Ugliness instead of light, empty space instead of a place, music instead of intelligence
The home that is not mine throws me in the rive every day, waiting for me to drown
Why do I have to drown? What is that my fate?
I try to swim with the sea, but the sea despises me
It hates me because I am weak, a piece of dream instead of strength
I am hummingbird trying to swim, I think
No, the water says, you are a hummingbird fated to drown
Whether you drown today, tomorrow, or in a decade will not change your future
Everyone knows your fate, as do you, yet you try to survive
I can survive for a year or forever, but I can never live for even a second
Why is this my fate? Why was I born in the sea, when I should have born in the 
skies?
Because - the guards, the darkness, the angels, and the sea all tell me - you are abandoned by the gods and fate itself
I will never belong and I will never be free
I can never trust and I can never fly
All I can do is swim, only to drown... only to die
However, before I die - should I bring with me?
They can wait for me in the abyss, but... for what reason?
Madness, my dear, insanity, irrationality - whatever one might call it - has no reason

© 2021 Vianna


Author's Note

Vianna
What do you think? Is it not too much?

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Added on June 6, 2021
Last Updated on June 6, 2021