1

Deep in the darkness I wallow under the clouds he has forever altered.
“It’s okay sweetheart, we needed this” he tells me as he walks toward the shower. I have no words, I have no reply, I just watch him walk away like everything is okay. Everything's going to be okay, I tell myself. I’m fine, he’s fine, all is fine.
I’m just about finished getting ready for work and he comes out of the shower with a towel draped around his torso. I make him coffee to-go in a Dixie cup, hand it to him and walk to the bathroom. It’s possible I’m walking in a daze as I move in a robot-like motion just trying to get through the fundamentals of the morning. As I move toward the bathroom, he grabs my forearm and pulls me closer. He’s sitting on my bed now and motions for me to sit next to him. I move and stand in front of him, paralyzed.
He takes my hand and places it on his towel in an area that has some seldom movement. I feel a twitch of a pulse as my hand gets closer. An immediate electricity jolts in my brain waking me up from the paralysis that has frozen me. I pull my hand back quickly, “I need to go to work.”
“Let me get ready and we’ll get going sweetheart, I don’t want you to be late for work on my account”
“Okay”
“Don’t ever forget that I love you, sweetheart, we needed this to be closer.”