The Ark.

it was but a week,

and yet it was so hard to kill the butterflies

is that bad of me?

to have ingested bug spray

for that specific reason?

it was just a week

and you hardly spoke my name

but thats fine

in a week i'll forget yours

and this poem will be dedicated to:

whatshisface

but thats fine

you don't need a name

you weren't a name to me

not an ink based lettering

you were a feeling

and it felt wonderful

just to see you smile

and never think for a second

anything impure

how could i with eyes so clear?

so blue?

they could drown me if they wanted to

i would have liked to drown in them

but it was only one week

since the birth of the day

and the death of the night

 

Author's Note

my attempt of a happy poem. i failed. enjoy anyway!

Reviews

I really like some of the things that you do in this poem. For instance, the dialog between you and this anonymous person is nicely done. I love the rhetorical nature of your questions, it really allows people to freely think about what you are actually saying. A line that resonates in my skull, and i think is a wonderful turning point in the poem is "in a week I'll forget yours." very nice narration leading up to this point, i was really feeling the energy of this particular statement.

Thematically, this type of dialog usually makes a good poem as long as it stays on topic. Maybe it could have had some more clues as to who this person was though, maybe just a little bit more. It feels too much like an inside story, which isn't particularly good for sharing with large audiences. Let it all show. Hide nothing but what isn't so. Nice line breaks. nice craft. Nice job. Thanks.

[Liz-z]

"but it was only one week

since the birth of the day

and the death of the night"

Really nice lines. I liked it, the way it flows and all. Keep up the good work! :D

[nickchidiac]

i actually see the happiness. after only a week its a happiness that this doesnt make you unhappy. i like it a lot.

[Michael X]

this is a really great poem, awsome flow. i mean I really enjoyed the wording
and creativity. keep it up

[Tony]

Well, for happy poems, we usually steer away from poisoning, ingesting the same, and of course, sad sentimentality.
It's a pretty good poem though.....Maybe you should change the name to;
"Ode to Whatsisname".

[Radioactive]

Rather sad for a happy poem... but still good!

[Dream Weaver]

Well I wouldn't say failed..Just a bit on the
sad side. That's why we write, to unleash a
whole gambit of emotions. It just so happens
this is a well written heartfelt piece. Flowing
very freely and true...I'd say this was a
success..

[Brandon]

i'v felt this way befor so i know how you feel great work kep it up



100/100

[BlankPageTheory]

"The Ark" I think me and you are the only ones to get this.
Ah, if only time could stand still, then all the lost souls could be found.