Free to Be Me

Everyone's is free to make their own decisions with their lives and do what they want with it. Can't allow people to change you...

                                              How can you tell me how to act in life 

                                     Some things you said didn't comply

                                 Questions buzzing in my mind as to why

                                  My heart is telling me to do other things

                                I want to narrow down the sense of my being

                                       But you explain about things I need 

                                                                   

                                       When I'm lacking in what I want

                                     Bring me up to speed on my desires

                                          When my trials are getting rough

                                      My motives thrive on being tough

                                     When I break away from this correction 

                              You try to judge me, since I'm free to be who I am 

                                Heed my confession, as you're not at all that perfect

                                   My life is not all that rotten, but fresh as knew

                           You try to see through me, when I can see through you

                                                                   

                                                                

                                                                  

                                                                 

                                                              

Author's Note

This'll be my seventh poem. Enjoying Writerscafe so far ^^. Just wish I would've started sooner.

Reviews

[Riley Bray]

A very good, self-empowering poem. I can tell you worked hard on this, it shows clearly through your writing. I think you did a very good job. :)

"But you explain on things I need"----this looks like it needs to be reworded

"My motives thrives on being tough"----you only need one of the words to be plural. So either say "my motives thrive" or "my motive thrives" depending on if you have more than one motive or not.

"You try to judge me when I'm free to be who I am"----this sounds weird. Perhaps you could say "you try to judge me, when, in reality, I'm free to be who I am."

"Heed my confession, as you're not at all that perfect
My life is not all that rotten, but fresh as knew"-----these lines are fine by themselves, but they're right next to each other and both use the words "not all that," so maybe look for a synonym. Aside from that, knew should be new. :P

"You try to see through me, but I can see through you"---this is fine, really, but I think you should change the line to "but instead I see through you". (Good closing line, by the way).

Again Will, great job on this poem! I was more than happy to be the first to review one of yours works again. X)

[Ravyne Hawke]

Excellent poem, William. This is more free verse than any of your others, and as such, the few areas that do rhyme seem out of place. This has great flow though and the last line is a killer!

[Keith LaFountaine]

Great job here. So much is packed into two stanzas, and that's certainly admirable. You have a strong command of subtext.

I love the last line especially. I can relate to that quite a bit, as I have had to see through quite a few people to get myself where I am today. Great job!

[Simon Welsh]

I like. That's one powerful last line you've written.