Miles Away

This poem is for those when their ties have been pulled as the distance from your friends, family, or even loved ones, drift away. And the strings can only go so far and then it tears....

Our last words to each other were an emotional goodbye   

As the tears of hope fade away, 

expecting for the moment to last

                                                                                                     

The memories of laughter, joy, and sorrow                             

 I think back on those moments of blast                                  

As I wave farewell, my heart's in longing as we split apart

                                                                                                        

No this isn't destiny for I won't let you go                               

As time flies

The memories of us together will never fade from each other

We played naively, enjoying the company of one another

In honesty, I wanted it to stay like this forever                     

But through masks of perception I can tell you wanted more

To live free, ignoring the darts of fate that hit our core

Seeing you now drifting further away

I could tell in my heart that you felt the same

Instead of tears of joy, tears of pain 

                    

But soon the ocean of fate will send me a second

You were my first who became my last

Then it hit me that this was a test of our friendship         

But as we go through this motion we are in tune and equipped 

The ties of our bond were so tight and strong                    

The stronger the grip, despite the distance, it wouldn't tear

So if I'm singing this song and you can hear 

This is the life of the bond we shared 

                                                                                                     

And if you're listening I never got to say,

                                                                        

                                                                         

                                                              

Author's Note

This is what alot of teens go through. Read this as though you're experiencing the same thing or.... maybe you've already have. Feel free to let me know of my errors. I'm obligated to mend my mistakes. Enjoy :)

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

Oh yes, those budding little loves as teenagers. One moves away or one goes to a different school... there always seemed to be some reason why I could never keep a boyfriend as a teenager. And eventually, I stopped trying. This is well written and I see that someone has already corrected your mistakes, so I won't go there. I will just say, thanks for the flashback.

[Fernando Pessoa]

I appreciate your invitation to read this emotionally powerful piece. And yes, for me it reminded me of my first love. Even in the distance of space and time I can still feel her touch. No one could replace that piece of my life.

Edna St Vincent Millay: "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."

[Riley Bray]

Haha what a familiar picture at the bottom of this. :P

I have to say it was a beautifully written poem, however the way the stanza's were done, so their slanting, looks rather odd, especially since they don't go down on a consistent slope. Aside from that, the things I suggest changing are s follows:

"Our last words to each other was an emotional goodbye"----was should be were

"As the tears of hope fades away expecting for the moment to last"-----fades should be fade, and there should be a comma after away

"I think back on those moments of times we had a blast"------this sentence sounds strange on its own, but also produces a lot of grammar errors under the third line

"As I wave farewell my heart for longing as we split apart"-----this line sounds weird, trying rephrasing

"As time flies by our memories of us together will never fade from one another"----our should be the, and after together the line sounds weird

"We played naively enjoying the company of one another"----there should be a comma either after played or after naively

"In honesty I wanted it to stay like this forever"-----there should be a comma after honesty

"But though masks of perception I can tell you wanted more"-----though should be through

"To live free ignoring the darts of fate that hit our core"---there should be a comma after free

"Seeing me now going down memory lane"----this sentence sounds weird, try to rephrase it a little bit

"I could tell in my heart that you feel the same"----could and feel are used as different tenses, so say felt instead of feel

"Instead of tears of joy in the end tears of pain"-----there should be a comma after joy, and delete "in the end"

"You were my first and forevermore who came to be"----this line doesn't make much sense, rephrase it?

"The ties of our bond was so tight and strong"-----was should be were

"The stronger the grip despite the distance it wouldn't tear"----commas needed after grip and distance

That's all I could find, and that's me being extremely picky. In the end, you did a really awesome job on this poem, writing about a topic that, while it may not be rare, never gets old. (Not in my opinion anyway). You are truly a budding writer to be!

[William C Jones III]

Man I got glasses and I didn't even notice all these mistakes lol. But to say, for some reason my writing won't line up right

[Riley Bray]

Are you just pressing the spacebar? You only need to click the enter button.

[William C Jones III]

I think I'll to do so for now on

[William C Jones III]

Oh and I appreciate your honesty:)

[Riley Bray]

Haha any time. :P Thank you for allowing me to review. X3