I'm Falling

A poem that I made to pull in from your surroundings and capture your heart. Know that there's always a loved one who cherishes you...

                                             "So here I am seeing you reach for me 

                                             As I fall into the clutches of my ways

                                             I can feel you bursting through my shadows

                                             Like the light that shines on my days

                                            Those moments of telling me of my errors 

                                            But I didn't heed your warnings of love

                                            I found out that it wouldn't be any fairer

                                           As you treat me like your beloved dove

                                           The slices of life and the madness within

                                           Is enough to keep you in containment down and above 

                                           You remind me the whole way not to let it win

                                           The killing, the fighting, from hatred to war

                                           Pull me from this misery and lifeless spin

                                           Pick up the pieces that made my core 

                                           And reassemble my polluted heart that's torn and wore

                                           So I'm reaching for you too, hoping to live 

                                          And show you I have the heart to give and give  

                                          It took time to know that you were always there

                                          A whisper, a call from above now that's rare"

                                           

                                           

                                          

                                           

                                            

                             

Author's Note

This'll be my very first poem. I hope you'll enjoy a piece of my heart. For I have many to share. But oddly enough, it took me less than an hour to come of with. This poem here is the beginning of my adventure and to put a highlight on yours

Reviews

[Riley Bray]

This was a very well done poem, especially since it is your first. My only two comments are as follows:

"So I'm reaching for you too hoping to live"----I'm not sure what you meant to say in this line, it sounds a little funny. Try rewording it?

"As you treat me like your dove"----this is a perfectly okay line, but I feel it needs another few syllables to keep the flow of the poem going.

Very good job on this one, and welcome to writerscafe!

[Kyle Sky]

Very well for a first poem. This poem is not only portrayed greatly but has the potential to even gain sympathy from some readers. Two thumbs up for this poem.great job.

[SyberRose]

Wow...your first..its wonderful...keep writing..Rose

[Aethereal]

There're some good lines here. Not bad for a first poem. You placed a clear image in my mind with this poem. Keep up the good work. In my own words mixed with some of yours, I say:

She reaches
out to you
as a star
as you are,

"bursting through (your) shadows",

lighting all your days,
changing all your ways
at your core
as you soar
evermore.

[Sharon]

Nicely done. Great poem overall. I love the way you wrote this. It is very clear and easy to understand. Nice descriptive words. I like your writing style, specifically for this poem. Keep writing!!! :D

[William C Jones III]

:) XD

[Felecia]

It's not that bad of a job for just your first try, it's quiet good actually, minus a few things here and there. I can definitely tell that this came from your heart.
Good job

[Jack...]

You did a great job for your very first poem. Nice job.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Beautiful poem. Love that this can be taken as a loved one reaching out to save or it could be more spiritual with perhaps an angel or other spirit reaching out to save. I could sense both in this. You have some really good rhymes but your rhyme scheme is all askew. Let's take the first 8 lines. It goes: abcb dede and then it just becomes an even worse mess from there: fgfhihhjjkjk. Since this is your first poem and you seem to like rhyme.. you may want to read up on how to write rhyming poetry. If you can get into writing just one form of rhyme, your poetry will flow better. abcb defe and so forth.. seems to be the preferred. I hope this makes sense and I haven't totally confused you.

[Baby Ricochet]

This is actually quite good. I like the first two lines particularly. The flow is a bit choppy but that's okay. Poets on this site do that all the time, including me. There's a few lines a few syllables to long. That's what does it. But the overall impact is brilliant. Outstanding work William

[Simon Welsh]

I like the emotive language :)