Poem31

For those I've loved

I have this to say:

I have no words

I have no words

to describe to you

why I did what I did

why I stabbed at us both

with rusty blades

I have no words

to tell you how

it is easier for me to attack

and suffer new wounds

then pick at the old scabs on my heart

that still bleed fresh

just underneath

I have no words

to explain

that you are an angel full of stars

and I am a snail in the mud

and how the brightness you bring

burns my skin

and dries my soul

I have no words

to sooth you

after I hurt you

by hiding

in my shell of silence

and distractions

in order to protect

my own selfish softness

I have no words

to say

as I return to my cave

of brick, and plaster, and pipes

and glass

I have no words

to bandage the wounds

I have brought to you

as you walk away or I walk away

never to speak again

I have no words

to make clear

that I could never hate you

but fear more pain

more bleeding wounds

for myself

I have no words

to connect to you

as I sit in the still mud

and feel deep within my slimy body

that there are worse things

than being alone

I have no words

to save us

as my black oozing eyes

gaze up at your own

warm magnificence

and know your warmth

is not meant for dark dripping places

I have no words

that can describe

my own

melancHOLYNESS

I have no words

except 

I'm sorry