holding on

Jack clenched his cheeks together.

Another wave of gut-quivering and sweaty chills swept over him, moving from stomach to spine and from there to his limbs, his taint, his tongue.

“Jesus, what did I eat?”  he asked himself in silence.

He took his bike to work this morning. saving gas money and getting some exercise out in the sun. But after a very long day he was horrified to find his back tire was flat, and he was to proud to ask for a ride. Especially after today. Now, walking the 4.5 miles back home thru residential neighborhoods and community forests, he could find no public bathrooms.

The warning rumbles began early, but small. slight chills, maybe a soft cramp in his side, goosebumps. But by now what ever was in him needed to come out.  his sphincter was clenched tighter than his jaw, and his cold sweaty hand grasp the sticky plastic handlebars of his bike with white and red intensity and desperation.

What a terrible f*****g day. Suddenly Jack knew what did him in.  He had a salad when he went to lunch with Sally. Spinach, egg, tomato, mushrooms, peppers. He had finally worked up the courage to ask Sally out, being under the impression they had been flirting for weeks now.

She did not feel the same however.

It was just friendly fun for her, and after the small and disappointed scene Jack made, she wasn’t even sure she wanted that. Worse still, for the rest of the day some of her friends, and his, started acting strange around him. Now he just felt stupid.

It wouldn’t be the first time. Not by a long shot. He never dated until after high school, due to the awkwardness that only poverty and an abusive mother could create. He only lost his virginity at 23 because he had hired an escort.

The salad churned in his belly now, and the cramping start to subside. Jack could breath again. He got to walking again, quietly thanking god that know one was out to see him in his miserable state. He cautiously picked up the pace, anxious to get home.

Jack could already feel another wave coming on a briefly thought about just knocking on someones door and asking to use there bathroom. But how could he. A: it would just be rude to take a massive s**t in some strangers house, and B: who would let him in in the first place. They’d think he was a murderer or something.

Jacks anger increased as another wave took him. His whole a*s was solid and tight. You could get diamonds out of coal, with the intense amounts of pressure. his toes, hell his feet curled and squirmed as if fighting for dear life. He was forced to stop in his tracks, and take hold of his stomach. Cold sweat poured over hot goosebumps.

God damn it, why did we build everything so far apart? Why didn’t he just drive? why did he have a s****y job that didn’t pay well enough? Why did he ask Sally out?

S**t s**t goddamn s**t f****r s**t s**t s**t

The wave passed.

He tried to get on the bike and ride the rest of the way, flat tire and all. But the wobbly motion and body position sent burst of barely contained spasms echoing thru his entire intestinal tract. He thought he felt some warm brown mush escape and a sense of nausea swept over him from holding it all in too long.

Fighting off this self induced wave, Jack walked on, pondering all the stupid choices he had made. He made it several blocks.

Mercy at last. He could see his apartment building up ahead. Sweet mother of god! Thank you! Thank you!

Then the goosebumps.

On instinct, his muscles tensed starting from the toes, up his calves, into his thighs, glutes, back, shoulders, fingers, face. His spine made a death tango up to the back of his skull and shot straight. As his arms eyes and lips locked up, he looked straight at the blonde and redhead enjoying the afternoon out on their porch.

…Damnit..

He was tight as a drum and helpless. just trying to keep his s**t together, and slowly losing it.

Lord, I am an Atheist, a science student, a skeptic, and an all around terrible person, But I will change my ways if you get me through this one. MERCY, lord!! GRACE!! Help me get home oh lord, in your wisdom!

The wave slowly chilled, the women looked away as if they didn’t see him. he moved on.

The last block was a blur of motion sound and color, and Jack wouldn’t even remember what what any of them were. Only one thing was on his mind, as he made it up the side walk, dropped but did not lock his bike, made his way up the two flights of steps, unlocked the door, turned the knob, opened the door, removed his shoes, coat, and items from his pocket in one swift motion, and walked the 13 feet to the bathroom door.

Locked?

“just a sec dude” then the shower turned on.

Jack’s roommate was home.