Unexplained Mysteries Story 1

What you have to do as the reader, read the whole story and you try to find your own solution why the incident in the story happen, try to solve the case in what you beleived what happened.

What is a miracle? Who is god? Did god really create me?

I never been religious, never really believed anything even do I called myself a Christina or catholic I don’t even know what I am, I just followed my parents religion which they don’t' even care about the only they care about is if there getting there 10,000 a day.

I'm rich and popular what more does she need they say. But to tell you the truth I'm not happy living this way. My parents are never around, not that they spend time with me when they are around, my brother lives in his own world no one really knows, and me I'm just a follower.

But what happen to was it a coincidence or a calling of the unknown, or just something creepy that happens in life.

I just got out of school waiting for my mom to pick me up, but then she called and said she couldn’t make it, her words were I have a very important appointment. So I decided to walk home. It was just a bout a 2 blocks I walked when I saw two guys following me from behind, How did I know because I knew those two guys and they live right in front of the school. I just thought they were joking around with me when I car pulled over and all I herd was a lot of screaming and yelling, arguing mostly. I just ignored and kept going. Suddenly on my right there was a man, this man with this face so innocent that I just couldn’t stop admiring. I looked away and then turned back to see the man and he had entered this pawn shop. But I don't know what I was feeling but I wanted to ask him why he was looking at me it was just this curiosity that I needed to know. I stepped into the star and the store manager said to me. Sorry my lady the store is closed, I told him I was looking for a man who had just entered before me and he said to me with a face that looked at me as if I was crazy and said, no one has entered the store but you, I hesitated and said no a man just entered this store and I want to see him and he just said the same thing that I had been the only one who had entered the store. But that time he said it with a bit more anger so I decided to leave. it took me a few minutes to get home when outside there was an ambulance and there I saw the guys who were following me and they guys in the car who were arguing with them, were being arrested I asked what happen to the cops they said that the young men who were shot were going to Jennifer Brian’s house for something but the guys who were getting arrested didn’t know why they only knew they were going to her house for something.

That's when I realized if I would gone to my house I could been shot and been killed

when I turned my head there he was the man who I had seen in the pawn shop smiling at me and just in a blink of an eye he was gone.

think you got this mystery solved

think what you think happened at the scene at the crime

Catch the next story about something

creepy and paranormal and hallucinate

Author's Note

solve the mystery or is just something creepy

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

It seems to me that the missing man is an angel, given his "innocent face" and the fact that he saved the narrator from getting killed. I agree with Caleb, this story was very difficult to follow due to the grammar and punctuation errors. I would highly recommend that you run it (and all your other work) through a spell check before posting it here - it makes it far easier for the readers to understand. Also, your characters need some more development; what is he like, besides the facts that he is rich and that he doesn't believe in God? He seems rather flat and he doesn't have very many defining characteristics, hence his being a rather flat and uninteresting character. Throwing him right into the action before you've developed him is dangerous too - honestly I didn't care if he would've been killed in the beginning because he didn't really interest me as a character. Give me a reason to care about his near death before you throw him into that situation!

Also, the middle, where the mysterious men are chasing your main character, seems a little garbled and could use some attention. Again, just running this through a spellchecker would be supremely helpful. Also, when the narrator is talking to the store clerk, there MUST be quotation marks and proper spacing. When there is a new line of dialogue, it is ALWAYS enclosed in quotation marks and there is ALWAYS a new paragraph started with each dialogue line. Not following these rules makes it very difficult for the readers to follow.

This story has potential, but it's got a ways to go yet. It'll be interesting to see what you do with it after a little revision and editing.

[Voltaire Mephisto (aka ..]

I think it's a good beginning. I don't think it's creepy, maybe because I'm messed up in the head. the thing I think you need to focus on is the run on sentences and punctuation. I suggest reading short stories and studying the format so your work is a little easier for people to read. A lot of people wouldn't even take the time to read this unless it was formatted correctly.

Keep writing.

Vil

[Marina]

Woah.
One thing: Grammer. :D

This was pretty good.
The man is obviously someone who was fighting fate.

I have no idea who, Hmm, i guess i'll have to keep reading on.
:D thanks for posting.

[Adela Muresan]

Interesting, but I think you should have ended it in a more classic kind of way, like a realistic remark from her side.
It creates the curiosity of finding out what happens next, so you penned it pretty well.

A.M.

[Lying Is My Hobby]

It is suspenseful, but kind of confusing. Maybe it is because of your grammar/spelling errors?
I don't know, but if you clean it up a little more, add more details, it would be GREAT. =)

[Mary Sessions]

Hmmm..... grammar did get in the way a little, as the others before me said, but it was a very interesting story. I'll have to read the others. I think that the man was a sort of guardian, who was trying to keep Jennifer out of danger.

[Shutter Speed]

great stories, great mysteries. the grammar problems do kind of get in the way of understanding the piece, though. I also think that you need a few more descriptive details (and this goes for you other two "Unexplained Mysteries" stories also), like giving us specific details about the man's face (was he gazing off into the distance the first time the main character saw him, or was he smiling comfortably, stuff like that), or details about the weather, about the model, color, or condition of the car. Also, descriptions about what the characters are feeling, especially when the main character discovers she could have been killed--there have to be bunches of possibilities for emotions! All those details would put the readers more into the story, almost like they ARE the main character rather than just watching the story take place. Thank you for sharing this with me and keep writing!
-Shutter Speed

[Michael Carr]

it's ok. there are some grammar errors, don't know why you chose to not use punctuation at all in the last lines. also needs more detail to the world and voice for the individuals that inhabit the story. that aside, man, its an interesting start with some good ideas. with some polish it could be even better.
keep it up man.

[GenMuffin7]

seems more like fate or coincidence than paranormal, but like everyone else has said, it caught my attention.

[Vlazuvius]

I have to agree with the others. We all have grammatical lapses, but here there are enough that it makes it hard to follow. I HATE editing. (It's like doing the dishes after making a great meal, in my opinion)...but it's a neccesary evil. And I also agree that it needs fleshing out. The beginning just flickers by too fast...you don't really set things up completely. But as for the plot, the story it's self, well that was pretty good. This is definitely a "keep going" type criticism, not an attempt to discourage your writing. Underneath the technical errors, you've definitly got some good ideas, and I mean to read parts two and three.

[rogue_butterfly]

was it an angle of the guy that got shot or just an angle?
it is really cool. i love it.