Chapter 4

Group therapy. 

That's what's on today's schedule. This is their one chance a week to get more information out of you than normal. They believe that because you are surrounded by other people telling their stories, that you will become confident enough to tell your own. Well they can't trick me. I don't tell my story to anyone, instead I just sink into my chair whilst the voice whispers insults to me.

Apparently though, they are changing the groups today, depending on how we did on our latest assessments. Apart from being re-sectioned to Section B months ago, I haven't made any improvements or got worse for that matter. Each Section is different, Section C is for the minors. Patients who have small issues such as stress or basic depression. Section B is for the slightly more serious case like myself such as eating disorders or sleep disorder and then there is Section A which for the difficult cases. I know there is one girl in Section A who has Agoraphobia which means she is afraid to go outside and anther person who has split personalities. I think I heard she has at least four different ones but the doctors just don't know how to treat it. According to rumors as well it affects her memory.

You have to wear a coloured band which associates you with your Section. For example people like me in Section B have to wear a blue coloured band whilst those in Section C have to wear a green one. With group therapy though, they tend to mix up the sections, although those in Section A are usually have their own groups. People in Section A are also in a different part of the hospital and the people you usually don't see around which is why I don't want to be re-sectioned again. 

'Grace, time for Group Therapy.' Ms rose, called from outside my room.

Yeah Grace. Time for Therapy.

Great She's back.

I never left.

Of course you didn't.

Careful now, fighting back won't do you any favours.

It's a good thing I'm used to it.

I picked myself up off the bed and headed towards the therapy room. It is a large room, next to Reck room but it's closed off. Inside there is a little food table and loads of drinks but that doesn't take your mind of the circle of chairs, right in the middle of the room. They try to put you off of the fact that it is still a therapy session but it never works. We always know what is coming.

As I walk towards the room, my mind wanders to Ty. it's been a couple of days since I last spoke to him in the roof top garden. I sort of miss him.

He doesn't miss you.

I never looked at his band, so i don't know what section he is in either. Although, these past couple of days I have been purely hiding in my room because the voice got harsher and I broke down again. I was scared to go out and if I didn't have to go to this stupid therapy now, I would still be hiding. I don't even know how much Ty has heard of me. Does he know that I only talk to him? Does he want to know about me? Why do I care? I can't believe I am slowly letting my guard down to a boy, I barely know but the thing is, I feel like I know everything about him.

Awww how sweet, has Grace got herself a little boyfriend?

Not even close.

Just as well, he doesn't care about you anyway, nor will he ever love you.

I know.

The journey to therapy session was a blur and now I am standing outside of the room, praying I don't have to go in but obviously I do. I look around and see I am one of  last ones here which isn't good because it means all eyes are on me. As usual my face is facing the floor, so no one can make eye contact as I slowly make my way to a spare chair. I briefly look up slightly, only to see Ty sitting about 5 seats away from me. Great.

I am kind of glad he is here but at the same time i don't want him to be. I don't want him to see me hiding away whilst people fire questions at me. Questions they expect me to answer. Answers they will never get. 

'Okay. We are all here, so we can begin.' Mr Lewis said, sitting down. He was such a happy person that it almost made me sick. He's overly nice and don't get me wrong, people deserve to be happy but it is as if he is shoving his happiness in all of our faces. I hate it. 'Okay, so as this is a new group, you may not know everybody. So when it comes to your turn if you like you can introduce yourself first before sharing your story.' 

He also talks to us like we are a bunch of five year olds. We're not stupid or deranged in their case. 

'So who wants to go first?' He asked, looking round the group. There was about 10 of us in total. Slowly a girl named Maddie put her hand up being one of the least shy. Mr Lewis, nodded in her direction for her to start.

'Hi, my name is Maddie and I have an eating disorder.' She began, crossing her legs up on the chair whilst I curled up into mine with my knees to my chest.

'Hi Maddie, would you like to share with us how you feel?' Mr Lewis asked and she continued.

'Well I always used to feel comfortable in my body. I never thought I was fat or overweight, I always though I was an alright size but then the bullying started. The words meant nothing at first but then it just got worse and it started digging into me. At first I would eat normally and then start to feel sick in myself so I would puke everything up but then I stopped eating all together. I lost of weight and hurt my parents, so they sent me here.' She explained and I winced quietly at the word parents. 'I don't like the idea of eating because I am not longer comfortable with who I am. I wanted to die at one point but I made friends here and they helped me. So I'm slowly getting better and the doctors think I may be able to go home if the next couple of assessments go well.' She smiled at the last bit.

'Why did you listen to the bullies?' Another boy, Cameron questioned.

'I don't know. I didn't want to but its hard when pretty much everyone in school is saying the same things and no one used to tell me anything nice, so I guess they just broke me.' She answered. Everyone was looking at her intently, listening to her story. I was listening but not looking. Instead I was looking down and fiddling with my fingers.

'Thank you Maddie.' Mr Lewis said and everyone clapped for her. 'Okay Riley, why don't you go next.' 

'Okay.' Riley began. He has black hair, styled into a quiff and two different coloured eyes. One blue and one green which I find intriguing. He is really confident and gets on well with most of the other patients. He even tried making friends with me before but I just blanked him out. Although it is nice that someone wanted to talk to me in the first place.

He just felt sorry for you because your Pathetic, lonely and useless.

'Hello, I'm Riley and I was a victim of child abuse which now causes me to have anxiety attacks and parasomnia, meaning I have sleeping problems. I may seem happy all of the time but inside like most of you I am hurting and I am not afraid to admit that I am scared. I have nightmares all the time and I always fear my dad will come back to hurt me. At the same time, I find talking about the situation makes me feel slightly better. It lets me know that I am safe now and by having fun in here I can push the pain aside for a while. Unfortunately I am not close to getting better and as much as I would like to get out of here, I don't want to leave without feeling comfortable with myself again or without knowing what will happen to me.' He told his story and once again everyone clapped. I feel sorry for Riley because he really seems like a nice guy and know one should have to deal with child abuse. If your just going to hurt your child why did you have him/her in the first place.

'Thank you Riley for sharing your story. Any questions for Riley...no...Right then. Let's see Tyler, seeing as your knew why don't you share your story.' Mr Lewis suggested and I watch as Ty slowly sat up in his seat, looking blankly ahead. This must be even more uncomfortable for him because he is blind, he won't know peoples reactions which in my opinion would on make me paranoid.

'Hi, my name is Ty...not Tyler...just Ty and I going to say something random. I like pickles.' I wanted to laugh at his comment after it brought back the memory of him telling me up in the roof garden but I stayed silent as usual. Every one else laughed though which made Ty smile. 'Um I have been blind for about two years now since a car crash with my brother and sister.' He spoke quietly, obviously having a bad memory.

'Did your parents put you in here because your blind?' Hayley asked politely but interested to know. So was I.

'No, they didn't and I don't live with my parents anyway. My parents divorced when I was 7 and at first my dad left to move to Thailand and we stayed with our mum but then she struggled to look after us. She was an alcoholic and would leave us alone in the house for days with no money or food. Eventually social services sent us to live with our Auntie and Uncle, who have looked after us since.'  He explained.

'What is your reason for being in here then?' Dace quizzed. Everybody always question the new person a lot because they know nothing of them. I remember when everyone did that to me but got annoyed because I didn't speak. Now everyone is just used to my silence.

No one wants to hear your voice anyway.

'I...Umm...I don't really want to talk about it.' He muttered, looking down. 

'Would you care to share what happened in the car crash instead?' Mr Lewis said, constantly taking notes from everyone who speaks.

'Uhh...My brother, sister and I were driving back from London to Portsmouth which is where i'm from. We had just been to a concert and on the way home a dunk driver slammed into the side of our car. We were all sober, driving at the right speed limit but he was speeding and drinking. My sister broke a few ribs and suffered concussion, I lost my sight and my brother...my brother died on impact.' He whispered the last part but everyone heard and you can tell by the gasps that filled the room.

'Were you close?' Cameron asked.

'Yeah, we were. i was the youngest of the three, he was the oldest. I miss him a lot and the worst part is that neither of our parents came to his funeral. They don't even know that I'm here and I don't even think that they would care. My sister and Aunt and Uncle visit all the time. They are my real family, I don't need my parents.' he finished with a tear falling down his cheek. The room was silent before a clap slowly spread round the room. Ty's story was to sad to give a clap too, everyone looked like they wanted to give him a hug instead, including me.

'Your brave for sharing that with us Tyler and we hope one day you trust us enough to share the restof your story.' Mr Lewis stated and Ty nodded. 'Okay we have about twenty minuets left, so we can get through a few more stories...so Grace.' He began, smiling at me and at the mention of my name Ty's head shot up. 'Care to share something with us today.'

All eyes were on my but I stayed silent, looking down and keeping up my walls. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ty tilt his head to the side in confusion. I guess he hasn't heard the stories about me. To him, I have a voice and I am different, to everyone else I have no voice but I am still different.

'Come on Grace, our we ever going to hear a single word out of you.' Mr Lewis encouraged.

'We've only ever heard you speak when your shouting at yourself.' Maddie added but not in a mean way.

'Maybe she doesn't want to share her story. You guys don't know what she has been through.' Lacey sighed and I was grateful for her comment.

'But we are all here to help each other and I want to help Grace to but I can't do that if I don't know how she is feeling.' Riley admitted. 'At the same time I am not going anywhere any time soon and when Grace wants to tell her story she will. We should respect her decisions and just be there for her.' I told you he was a nice person. You can't say a bad thing about Riley because he doesn't have a bad bone in him.

'I've talked to Grace.' Ty interrupted and everyone face him and even my head shot up as my eyes locked with his. I think people were more shocked by my actions than the comment.

'You have?' Hayley questioned and Ty nodded.

'Grace is this true? Have you talked to Ty since he has been here.' 

Yes I have but I still don't know why. Obviously no answer came out of my mouth.

This is getting interesting.

Shut up.

Where's the popcorn when you need it.

Why?

Because everything is happening today.

'Grace is a nice person. She's broken like all of us and she's scared but she has a good heart. Her shadow is different to everyone else's. It's brighter. I don't know why she has talked to me but i'm glad she has because I want her to trust me and be able to confide in me and I can do the same with her.' He smiled and a small smile even appeared on my face.

I do trust Ty now. 

For whatever reason it may be, Ty found my voice. It may take a while but who knows, maybe he is the one I will open up to.

Your such a sad excuse for a person.

Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Author's Note

please comment and tell me what you think

Reviews

[Silent Wolf]

Awwwww how cute! I would love to read more! Would you mind messaging messaging me when you post another chapter? Also, I love grace, for she is so much like me in a way, and Ty is so inspiring to me.