Prologue

The prologue to "Finding The One" by Elizabeth Saber.

I stared at the man in front of me. He was all around gorgeous. He had a shaven head, but it was stubbly, must not of shaved it for a while, with deep brown eyes. He was tan, with large muscles in his arms. He wasn’t too skinny, or too fat; He was perfect.

        

  I was at a poetry reading, at a local bar, like every other Friday Night, but I had never seen anyone as handsome as him. I didn’t even know his name. I pushed my jet black hair, behind my right ear, my bangs sliding back out, into my face. I couldn’t help but smile, as I took a large drink from my sweet tea. I wasn’t a drinker, I came for the poetry.

The lights dimmed, as one light shone down on him. He looked like an angel. My angel. Was this what it felt like to be in love? I didn’t know, nor care, but I did know I wanted to be with him.

“Hello everyone, my name is Derrick, and this is my poem, Single Reason. I hope you like it.” He smiled, giving a slight cough.

“I'll sit here and wait till I turn to bone, I'll hold my own hand, wait for my death. For I can't wait till my last breath. It doesn't matter but I’m meant to be, meant to make people happy, happy they're not me. Though I’m standing here does anyone see, does anyone see my reason to be?”

I was speechless; he took a bow, and walked off stage. I couldn’t speak or breathe. It was amazing, how else would I describe it? I regained my breath, and looked around, taking a sip of my tea. He was nowhere to be found. I frowned, listening to the next poem. Derrick. Such a beautiful name, I loved it. I stood up, my hair flying out from behind my ear, spinning around; I walked toward the exit, mad at myself for not looking for Derrick sooner. I would probably never see him again. 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think. This is my first story. :)

Reviews

[selkietales]

I like it and want to know what happens next, but I don't think you have a good grasp on how to use commas.
"He had a shaven head, but it was stubbly, must not of shaved it for a while, with deep brown eyes," would probably be better as, "He had a shaven head, but he must not have shaved for a while since it was stubbly. Below were his deep brown eyes." I dunno, you could play with the wording a bit.
"I pushed my jet black hair, behind my right ear, my bangs sliding back out, into my face," this doesn't even need two of the commas. It sounds just fine as, "I pushed my jet black hair behind my right ear, bangs sliding back out into my face."
There are more comma issues throughout, but otherwise I think it's fine :)

[Tamelia Jade]

Awesome :) I can't wait to see where this goes!

[MusicLover]

AMAZING WRITE MORE!!!!

[P.S.Chance]

actually, I think this is quite good. It has a random feel to it, meaning it feels like a scene from a real life. I hope to read more soon!

[de-oblitus]

I'm actually quite interested to see where this goes.