Black Coal

Black tears falling,

Heart sinking,

Body trembling,

Is this what I’ve become?

Knowing you have another,

A kiss from your lips,

To a demon in a custom,

Is my sweet suicide,

What a lullaby,

An unedifying tune,

Melody of the dead,

My tune is broken,

Metronome has come to a halt,

Shivering up,

Blood to ash,

Skin to ash,

All to ash,

Yet,

Heart to stone,

Black as coal,

Reviews

[TheJordBaker]

a truly moving piece which got stronger and stronger throughout. the ending had me going 'wow'.

[Serena Kaye]

Heh, thank you.

[Another Relic]

Wow, this is such a sad poem. Your words portray the sense of someone who has resigned herself to death in very interesting metaphors and phrases. The last two lines have impact. Very well done.

[Serena Kaye]

Thanks. Heh.

[Another Relic]

Your welcome.

[Matty Bosox]

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!! I have reviewed so much stuff since I have been on here and this is just one of the most powerful and terrifyingly strong writes I have ever seen!!! I can feel you just pumping your fist in the air with such furious anger to the beat of this poem...I tell you Suicide I don't do this often hardly enough to even count on my fingers...But I have to give this a 98 overall...That is rare!!! You might say what about a 99...I've only given out two of them LoL But anyway back to the point...This is absolutely terrific!!! Keep up the good writing!!!

[Serena Kaye]

Wow!
Thank you so much!(:

[Persephone]

Moving poem - I enjoyed it - Thanks for sharing!

[Serena Kaye]

Thanks and you're welcome!

[Rob Santana]

I like this one :) especially the last six lines. Alot of emotions,good job Suicide.

[Androglossia]

It's amazing how you easily channeled your thoughts and feelings at such a young age into words and convey them into the hearts of your readers. This is a moving piece.

[Serena Kaye]

Thank you.

[kublakhan27]

A unique take on one of the most painful situations there is...a nicely-written piece.

[Serena Kaye]

Heh, thank you!

[kublakhan27]

No problem :)

[.]

The last two lines are magnificent. Your words and emotions intensify your entire poem until the last period. Great job

[Serena Kaye]

Thank you so much!

[Dr. Wood ?]

very good this, you and I are definitely not singing from the same song sheet are we? You have a wonderful way with words and paint a very grim picture indeed..and you paint is vividly and so well

[Serena Kaye]

I can be on the same as you, just all depends.(:
&' thank you.

[Dr. Wood ?]

I was not being critical, we write what we write. I DO compose some pretty grim stuff myself but I would never post it...I suppose I am trying to create an image...Ha Ha

[Serena Kaye]

I know you're not.
Ha, that's just how some people are.

[Dr. Wood ?]

Just keep on writing...I never stop in my head....I know all my stuff is the same but it does not stop me from writing it.....It's a curse

[Tai Ryens]

"Blood to ash, Skin to ash, All to ash," amazing and deep lines. I just love those lines in the whole poem~

[Serena Kaye]

Thanks.