Living Corpse

As I lay here,

I think,

Of my demons,

I see,

My demons,

Walls to walls,

Floor to roof,

Dark shades,

Yellow eyes,

Musky soul,

Silk shade,

Yellow eyes to no end,

Mouth open,

Eating the hearts,

Hearts of the weak,

Leaving the body to rot,

Corpse of the living,

The looks as I see,

Yellow eyes,

Dead on me,

Next is what I am,

A living corpse,

Reviews

[Laura]

I agree with Helena, great write dear :)

[Serena Kaye]

Thanks!(:

[Helen Crutchett]

Dark poetry I can take or leave it, although sometimes I must admit it does have a fascination about it. This piece was about as dark as one can go I think. You penned it well.

[Serena Kaye]

Heh, thank you!

[ewest1220]

Very dark, though who am I to say that lol I really like this piece it's short sweet and to the point. But still allows me to feel the hopelessness of this piece. Great job!

[Serena Kaye]

Heh, thanks. Yeah, it is quite to the point..:3

[Rhea752]

Yellow eyes,
Dead on me,
Next is what I am,
A living corpse,

Favorite stanza very powerful and it's very descriptive. the imagery is amazing. great job.

[Serena Kaye]

Thank you. ^-^

[TheJordBaker]

the movement of this poem is great, more top work.
'Corpse of the living,
The looks as I see,
Yellow eyes,
Dead on me,' -awesome!!

[Serena Kaye]

Hehe, thank you!

[Tai Ryens]

Astonishing. It seems to me that you observed someone other get devoured by these 'demons' and left with a hollow soul; only to have them pursue you next. Interesting.

[Serena Kaye]

Well...Yeeaah..
Thanks for reading!

[Kent Smotherman]

I am a great fan of what I'll call cryptic writing. It allows for more individual interpretation. And while I did enjoy your attempt in this poem, at the end of it I'm still not sure as to its message. But that might just be me! :)

[Serena Kaye]

Heh thanks, my writing can be a bit confusing, sometimes.

[Dr. Wood ?]

You and I are complete opposites...I write mainly humour and you are the other side of the coin...I imagine that this did not take you too long to write, I may be wrong. We are similar if I am right because most of the more serious stuff I post is instant...I think that may be a mistake on my part and it may also be so on yours...Don't get me wrong, I am convinced that you have a talent, but I feel that this needs a little honing...Sharpening up...I used to write with a very morbid pen myself

[Serena Kaye]

I normally write ALL kinds, just lately I have been dealing with a lot, so it as gotten darker. No it didn't take me long to write this, maybe 5 minutes.
Ehh, I kinda agree with you though.

[Dr. Wood ?]

Thanks...and isn't that what poetry is...our feelings? I could never have written Never trust a lobster if my heart was in a mess....Keep it flowing

[Serena Kaye]

Actually, some of the good poetry does come from someones feelings, it may be different with you, but to many it's how it is for me. It's more or less a matter of your own thoughts. Just like books, some are from our feelings, and others aren't. Yes you are more expierenced than me, but I do believe I know what I'm talking about. Sorry. Not to be rude..

[Serena Kaye]

Experienced**

[Dr. Wood ?]

No rudness noticed...And you are right...We could analyze the mechanics of poetry until we pass on into the next life and still not completely agree...That is what makes it so wonderful.....Poetry is personal but needs to be shared....Anyone who can write as you do is already an expert...the thing is...as with life....we are all learning....until we die

[Serena Kaye]

Exactly.