Human Utopians.

I want to be thin, 

to have control.

I want to be free, 

to grow wings.

I want to be safe, 

secure.

But somehow I’ve realized

There is no such thing as safe,

secure. 

The only thing that exists is pain,

torture. 

My life has become broken,

Torn in two by my brains. 

The left sets systems,

The right gets devious.

I fall to pieces

and cry. 

For the only way that I feel,

The only way that I can live,

is to have a system, 

patterns, 

rules,

punishments. 

But I’ve run out of ideas, 

of punishments,

of systems. 

My life has become a tangled, tortured tale

of hope and pain,

love and loss, 

tears and fears. 

Icy fires burn in my heart, 

delicious pains disappear in my stomach, 

bland richness is all I taste. 

I cannot enjoy. 

I cannot live. 

I cannot be free.

Not until I’ve found the flaws, 

The truthful lies,

The uninteresting passion. 

Not until I can accept:

Free

Perfect

Peace

They are Utopia, my love. 

Infallible to humans. 

And we are human.