Fists, Guns, and Regret

When Inmate Adrien Callahan wakes up from a horrific nightmare, he tries to find his boyfriend only to be greeted by the harsh reality in front of him.

When I woke up, there was nothing. I was sprawled out on the ground, slowly regaining consciousness, my head blooming with pain. I shot up, breathing heavily, as if I'd nearly drowned.

"RICK!" I shouted as my eyes darted around the room. "Oh. Just another nightmare." I'd been having nightmares ever since the first day I was arrested. There was no explanation for them. Maybe it was the stress of going to prison. Or maybe it was leaving my "celebrity" life behind. Or maybe it was just a culture shock of not having to wear twenty pounds of makeup for my impersonation. By the way, I'm never stealing a drag queen's identity again.

But what I didn't know, was that it was no nightmare.

Once I got myself together, I stood up. I couldn't remember what happened before I went to sleep. Nothing. At first, I was sleeping on my bed, but then I was on the ground, unconscious. I looked around. The lights were off, so it was either really early and I just wasn't tired, or it was really late and i slept all day. I decided to see if my boyfriend Rick was still awake. He's usually up at night painting with the spray paints he steals back from the officers, like he used to before he was arrested. I knocked on the wall between us.

"Rick?" I asked. Nothing. Not a movement. This surprised me. Surprised me too much. Rick woke up, usually, with the slightest sound, or he at least moved a bit. I knocked again, louder, hoping for a response this time.

Nothing. Again.

I kept knocking over and over, attempting to wake him up. I didn't hear a single sound. "Rick? Rick? C'mon, this isn't funny anymore!" I shouted, my voice getting louder and louder and my Irish accent becoming more defined. I tensed up, and gave the wall a disturbed look. "WAKE UP!" I screamed. Not a sound. Tears ran down my cheeks. I was terrified.

I looked back at the opposite wall. I ran over to see if Tony was still awake. He's an inmate who was kind of like a brother to me. No matter how much he did, he didn't deserve to be here. He did all his crimes out of selflessness for someone else. Except for whenever he stole alcohol, then he wasn't helping anyone.

I was about to knock until I glanced over through the bars of my cell. Tony was standing right there. His face was bloody with a large gash in his forehead. There was a limp in his walk as he moved towards his cell. I stared at him for a split second, and then he collapsed. "TONY?"

"Jesus, Adrien. I'm fine, ok? Look, completely fine." He said, stumbling to his feet. When he got up, he fell right back down. I quickly picked the locks on my cell door and ran over to him. I attempted to help him up, but he put most of his weight on me. I tried to keep my footing as I led him forward. I sat him down on his bed and grabbed some bandages from under the bed. I tore off a piece of my shirt and quickly used it to wipe away the blood.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" I asked. "What's with the bloody face? Where's Rick? Tell me what's going on!" I shouted, not out of anger, but out of confusion. He stared at me, shocked.

"You're kidding, right?" He sneered back at me.

"No, I honestly have no idea what's going on. I was asleep, then I woke up for a few seconds, then I went unconscious." I recalled while tending the wounds.

"Wow. You and Rick make such a perfect couple. You always know everything about each other." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Tony, if this is about our breakup, I'm going to throw you back out into that hallway." I glared at him. He stared up at me, shocked.

"No, you moron! This has nothing to do with that! It's about Rick!" Tony snapped at me. I froze stared at him nervously, my stomach in knots.

"W-what do you mean? Did something happen to him?"

"You just asked me this an hour ago!" He shouted, shoving my hand away and knocking the piece of my shirt out of it. "If you forgot that easily, than you must not actually care about him!"

"Of course I care about him!" I screamed, tearing up again. "He's everything to me!"

"No he's not! You've forgotten everything already." He shouted back at me. I didn't think I did anything wrong. I clenched my fists. He couldn't honestly mean that. I wanted to ask him nicely what was going on. I wanted to explain. I wanted to so bad. But I didn't.

"Say that again. I dare you." I growled, clenching my fists harder.

"You. Don't. Care." He threatened, a smile on his face.

My mind raced with anger. The feeling sailed through my veins and led to my fists. Not thinking of Tony, I nailed him in the chest with the hardest punch I'd ever thrown. I managed to knock the wind out of him and push him him back.

The smile on his face quickly faded as he stared up at me. He trembled as he stood up, towering over nearly everything in the room. "You must have some guts doing that to me." He walked to me and began backing me into the wall as he spoke. "Remember, you're down in high security because you're a hopeless gay romantic. I'm here because I put a man in critical condition. He was armed. I hope you know what you got yourself into with that punch." He cornered me as he cracked his knuckles.

I didn't know what to do. I was scared and confused. "Please don't hurt me..." I pleaded from below him.

"No way you're getting off the hook, Callahan." He smiled and nailed me in the stomach. I lurched forward, coughing, as he moved away from me. I recovered and quickly sped out of my cell.

"See ya sucker!" I yelled, running towards the giant cage a few rooms over. The cage served as the prison yard for any of the high security prisoners because they can't trust us to be outside. It's kind of out of place, but it fills most of the massive room.

That's when I realized our cell block was under lockdown. My eyes jolted around as I attempted to find another way out. When I looked back forward, I was too late to see Tony. He ran up to me and picked me up by the collar, then threw me against the wall. I attempted to stand up, but he threw me down again. I trembled as the smile on his face got wider.

"Wanna keep trying to get up, Pervert?"

"I thought we agreed NEVER to call me that!" I shouted, kicking him in the stomach as i jumped up.

"Yeah." He said through the pain. "That was when I trusted you." He tried to punch, but I dodged. His fist sailed into the wall and bloodied his hand. He ran towards me and I tripped him effortlessly.

"You may have the upper hand in strength, but I have strategy!" I attempted to shout, my voice becoming much quieter than I anticipated. I then realized, I could use Tony to my advantage. I sprinted over to the locked door between us and the cage and allowed Tony to charge towards me. I just nearly dodged him, only my wrist getting hit, and he broke the lock. I sped past him, hurrying to the cage.

Tony ran for me, quicker than he ever had before. I tried to jump on top of the cage because I had the perfect strategy. But I didn't make it. What I thought was one of the edges was actually the open door into the cage. I fell face first into the ground, getting it scraped up. I stood up and quickly ran to the door in fear of Tony locking me in.

That's exactly what happened.

When I was about to exit, Tony slammed the door on me and locked it tight. He had a sickening grin on his face, which was something he never did. Tony was usually a calm and down to earth person. He never fights anyone unless something is extremely wrong. What did I do to make him this upset? I tried to look away but his eyes were everywhere. And all of them looked as though they'd kill me right there.

"What is this about? All I did was ask a question!" I shouted. He slowly circled the cage as I tried to escape. Tony got angrier the more confused I was.

"This is about the fact that you've been lying to me. The Adrien I knew would never forget anything about Rick. Rick is one of the only people you care about." He laughed the slightest bit. "He'd hate you for this."

"I DON'T REMEMBER!" I screamed. I broke down on the ground, holding my head in my hands. "I didn't want to forget! All I know is I was unconscious!"

"It's called sleeping, you idiot.." He said exhaustively. He continued circling me. I was still on the ground, racking my brain to figure out what happened. I couldn't remember, no matter how hard I tried. Where was Rick? What happened?

"Believe me! PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!" I strained my voice, trying to express to Tony how I felt. He stopped, his back to me, and began to speak.

"If I tell you, you won't be able to do anything about it." He said under his breath. He unclenched his fist and the anger disappeared, instead fading in a different emotion of sadness.

"Why? I-Is he alright?" I asked, standing up. Tony stayed silent. "Is. He. Alright?" I asked. He didn't move. "Tony." I asserted. Tony began to cry. He collapsed to his knees as he wiped his eyes. I walked over to him. "Please. What's going on?" I asked. He then said, almost silently:

"He's gone."

"What?" I repeated.

"HE'S GONE!" Tony screamed at the top of his lungs. "I TRIED TO STOP THEM BUT I COULDN'T!" He sobbed.

It felt like time stopped. I needed an eternity to comprehend this. He couldn't be happening. I couldn't move. I couldn't bring myself to. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in this cage until Rick came back.

"THEY TOOK HIM AWAY TO SOME OTHER PRISON! HE'D DONE TOO MUCH AGAINST THEIR DAMN RULES! THAT ESCAPE YOU TWO PULLED OFF A FEW WEEKS AGO IS WHAT DID IT!" He shouted. He held his chest tightly. I was slowly beginning to choke as I sobbed.

"I don't believe it. He wouldn't let them take him. Never." I said, trying to stay confident. I couldn't. I ended up collapsing on my words. I repeated myself over and over again, but the words escaped my mouth over and over again. I screamed almost unintelligibly at the top of my lungs. I felt empty.

The officers ran in to see the commotion we were causing. They ran to grab Tony, who gave up no fight. He was just crying. I stared at him, confused and scared. Tony never cried. He always had a smile on his face. I had never seen him this depressed. He always put up a fight. He always stayed confident. Tony wasn't himself. They dragged him out of the

They unlocked the cage and ran inside, led by a guard I didn't recognize. He had pale skin and jet black hair, blocking his right eye. He was about Rick's height, and seemed to be extremely cold.

"Officer Lucas Sweeney. Just transferred. Now get up inmate, or we'll have to bring you by force." I stayed put, still screaming. "Pull yourself together, inmate!" He slapped me in the face.

"N-NO! IM SICK O-OF LISTENING T-TO YOUR RULES! I D-DONT WANT TO BE LIKE YOU!" I screamed.

"SHUT UP! Nobody gives a crap what you prisoners think! Get to your cell!" He shouted. I fell back. I slid myself back into the edge of the cage.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I yelled, sobbing louder than ever before. The man walked closer and stared down. He picked me up by the collar and tossed me into the arms of two other guards. He walked out of the cage as I writhed in agony in their arms. "GET OFF OF ME." I growled in a deeper tone. They tightened their grip on me and tried to keep me still. I threw their arms off and stood in front of them, a look of determination in my eyes.

Out of nowhere, i threw one of the men down, but then the other took me from behind and cuffed me. I tried to run, but was stuck. The man who grabbed me pushed me out of the cage and then led me upstairs. The walk was angry, with endless shouting and swearing. He threw me into one of the interrogation rooms and I froze. Who would be waiting for me but the warden himself.

Rick was a while away by now. But they had already managed to get him into a new solitary cell.

Rick is a strong person. He always tries to stay optimistic when things go wrong, but usually fails. He'd never been in solitary before. He didn't seem too nervous at first, but the silence got to him. "Don't worry, Rick. You're gonna be out of here in no time."

He had a habit of looking for a can of spray paint, but there was nothing. He stood up and walked to the door. It was easy for Rick to pick most locks, but this was not most locks. It was complicated and huge. "Looks like I'm not getting out of here."

The hours passed, and Rick became more desperate. "D-D-Darren? L-Lucas? Can someone please let m-me out of here?" He cried as he pressed against the door. He paced the cell quickly and began to get extremely heated, as per usual for him.

He slammed his fists against the wall. "Whoever's out there I need to get out of here now!" He shouted through gritted teeth. He continued  to attack the wall, then froze suddenly.

"This isn't accomplishing anything." He sighed and sat on the ground, looking terrified. "Leave me alone." He didn't feel alone, although he was. He felt eyes on him. He covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. He heard Adrien's voice.

"Adrien! Finally, someone I can talk to!" He smiled at the door. No response. It was just his mind playing tricks on him.

He punched the wall again. Over. And over. And Over. Until he passed out.

Back where I was, things weren't going great.

"I see you made it, Pervert." I took heavy breaths as the warden mentioned my nickname, giving me a toothy grin. "Before you get all angry, I've come to see you to ask questions about the spray painting freak." I gave him a look of disgust for not calling Rick by his first name, then snapped my teeth at him. He jumped a bit. "Calm down, drag. Let me ask my questions. Firstly, what is your relationship with Rick?"

I didn't feel that he needed to know. He really didn't. But for an unknown reason, I complied. "We've known each other ever since I had taken the drag's identity. He called me up saying he saw one of my shows and thanking me for what I did. I didn't know it was him and he didn't know it was me, obviously, so the first time we actually met was the day he got back from his escape. The one that got him thrown into high security. Everyone saw that. I saw Tony attack one of the guards and put him in critical condition. That was when I was being taken to high security cells after... I… Got lucky with a guard." I cleared My throat. "After that, we became friends, and, eventually, a couple."

"Well, how do you explain your escape later?" He asked. I was about to explain exactly what happened, but I had to defend Rick.

"It was my fault. Not his. You shouldn't have taken him. You should've taken me." I began to get tense. The warden stared me down with cold eyes.

"Interesting. He was still outside the prison walls, and therefore he escaped."

"BUT HE'S TOO YOUNG TO BE TAKEN AWAY TO A HIGH SECURITY PRISON. HE COULD DIE THERE!" I teared up.

"It doesn't matter because nobody is going to care about any of your lives when you're gone." The warden barked. "You all are nothing. You made the decision to throw away your lives, and now you need to live with it."

I snapped.

I ran my fist straight into his face. His eye quickly went black and blood spewed from his nose. Men were grouping outside, just waiting for me to come running out. The warden was furious. He snapped his finger and the guards came into the office, each one strategically trapping me in. They grabbed my arms as I kicked them hard. One by one, they went down. The warden gave me a sadistic smile as the biggest officers came in. The men grabbed me and I couldn't move.

They immediately handcuffed me, and with that, we left the office.

"GET OFF OF ME!" I cried. The men didn't care, and squeezed my arms with a ridiculous amount of strength. I screamed in agony as tears streamed down my face. They threw me back in my cell, and this time, put multiple locks on the door. I rubbed my arms as they left me alone.

I felt empty.

I sat on the cold ground and began to sob into my knees. The one person I loved who didn't leave me was gone. I loved him so much. He was my boyfriend! I felt betrayed by all the cops. Especially Darren. Darren was the first officer i met after my arrest. He always tried to help me and Rick. He had good relationship advice and overall was a great guy. So why? Why would he let them do this? I thought I could trust him.

He walked by a few minutes later with a look of remorse on his face. He stared into my cell, then crouched down next to it. He tried to speak, but the words barely came out.

"I am so sorry...I didn't want them to take him away. I swear. Please. Don't hate me. I don't need you to hate me too. Tony and Rick do now. Don't leave me." He cried. He hugged the bars and looked at the ground. I couldn't do anything.

"I-it’s fine. It wasn't your fault." I whispered. I didn't move, and continued crying. My heart pounded as I looked over at him. "Why are you upset? He was a prisoner, you were doing your job. It was our fault." He lifted his head and stared at me. He looked hurt.

"I thought you realized how much you three mattered. Remember when I shot myself in the arm for you? It was pain beyond anything I'd ever felt. I went through it for you three. So none of you would have to feel it."

"I thought that was out of guilt for the warden wanting you to shoot us.." I said quietly. I shut my mouth quickly.

Darren stared me down with a look of pain. "No. It's because you three are amazing people. I didn't want this to happen to any of you, NEVER. I wish I could've saved him."

"Don't be upset. It was only your job." I painfully smiled, trying to reassure him.

"Well, then maybe I don't want this job anymore!" He shouted at me. Tears streamed down his face as he stood up.

"Darren, please. This was your dream. Don't throw it away because of us. Here, do something to me. Shoot me. Anything that can cause me pain, just so you can see I'm just a dumb inmate." I cried, standing close to the bars. "Nothing else I'm good for."

"Adrien. If this is another suicide attempt, I'm not helping you." He said quietly, backing up. I stood closer to the bars.

"Listen to me, Darren. You deserve this job. It may seem hard, but you shouldn't take it for granted." I stood back.

"No, Adrien. I'm not shooting you."

"DARREN!" I suddenly shouted. He jumped.

"Yes, sir! I-I-I mean..." He looked at the ground nervously.

"YOU ARE GOING TO SHOOT ME RIGHT NOW!" I screamed.

Darren stared, a look of fear in his eyes now. He shakily reached for the gun in his pocket and aimed it at my arm. His hand wouldn't stay still. "I don't want to do this to you." He cried "Please, don't make me."

"THIS WAS ALL BECAUSE OF ME, TAKE THIS AS REVENGE." I screamed. His hands shook harder. He looked at me, begging not to do this. I nodded and waited for the pain.

"This isn't your fault!" He shouted. He tried to put the gun away.

"GET YOUR GUN AND SHOOT ME ALREADY." I screamed. He looked like he was going to collapse from the pressure. But he shot. I thought the pain would start in my arm, but it didn't. The bullet instead went directly through my leg.

Darren gasped as I fell to the ground. Blood spilled all around my leg, staining my pants and shirt. I screamed louder than I ever had before. It was agony. I couldn't feel anything except the surging pain through my limbs. The bullet hole ran with blood, and I even saw my bone.

He unlocked the cell and began to panic. He called out for anyone to help, but nobody was even in the high security part of the prison. I writhed on the ground as Darren tried to keep me still, but I was in so much pain. "Adrien? Please answer me." He pleaded.

I tried to answer, but was drowned out by my own screaming. Darren watched helplessly.

The warden ran down after a while of screaming.

"What's going on, Peters?" He asked. Darren didn't want anyone to know what just happened, so I watched him say:

"I'm sorry, he was acting out, so, I had to stop him." He stared at me guiltily as I took deep breaths. The Warden took out some bandages and began tightly wrapping my leg in them. He tried to give me some painkiller while I calmed down.

"Good job, Peters. Excellent work. He won't be acting up for a while.." He finished with the bandages and left me lying there. Darren cleaned up the blood around me and helped me to my bed. I couldn't move my leg.

"I'm so sorry. I meant to hit you in the arm. I had no idea. I was so scared I just-" He teared up. I didn't respond. The pain slowly went away as he exited the cell, trying to keep a straight face for the warden. I stared at my wall and attempted to keep quiet while the men spoke outside.

"I think you should be keeping track of this one. At all times." The warden smiled. "You know just how to take care of people like him, and you don't have a limit. You can be as ruthless as possible with nothing holding you back!"

"Thank you, s-sir." Darren said, almost guiltily.

"You're going to go places, kid. With your pride, I honestly thought you were worse than Lucas, but now I see. And that's why I want you to be the next warden." There was a loud clang as Darren dropped his gun. I listened closer while Darren quietly spoke.

"Sir. This is-"

"Amazing! Right!" The warden smiled.

"I know this is such a-"

"Great opportunity!" He grinned.

"No, sir. I-I don't want to be the warden." He said, flat out. I heard the warden stumble back.

"But, Darren!" He shouted.

"No. Sir, I'm completely fine with being a guard. I don't want to be the warden."

"Think of everything you could get. Respect! Honor!"

"And those are things I don't want! I like my job watching the high security prisoners! Being in charge of everyone seems like too much work."

"Please, Darren. I'll do anything. Just please. You're strong and smart enough to do it."

"Sir, I really am not. I can't do it."

"I'll give you absolutely anything."

"There's nothing I want or need from you. Now leave me alone." He said, beginning to leave.

"I need you to do this. For me!" The warden pleaded, putting his hands on Darren's shoulders. Darren pushed the warden's arms away, and gave him a straight look.

"I said no, sir. Stop asking me. I have work to attend to." He walked towards my cell and the warden looked at him, disturbed.

"Kid...Please. Nobody else is gonna take the job."

"Lucas. He’ll take it in a heartbeat."

"No he can't. He just can't." The warden clenched his fists.

" I don't want to keep fighting, sir. Please, just leave me alone."

"Please. I'm giving you one more chance." He asked one last time, anger flushing his face red.

"No way."

"This is a big mistake, kid." The warden barked.

"Martin. I said. NO." I froze. I had never heard anyone call the warden by his first name.

"What did you call me?" Martin shouted, Darren having his back to him.

"I called you by your first name."

"You should know by now, NOT to be informal to me. Remember after that prank you had with your friends? You would have been rotting in a cell with these idiots!" He screamed, turning to Darren. Darren tried to ignore him, but his voice rang through his head. I stumbled out of my bed on one leg, my other leg regaining the pain. "Then I came. I saved you from living a life of crime and gave you your dream! I did all this for you, and you can't do one thing for me?"

"For the tenth time, make Lucas warden!" Darren shouted back.

"He's not you! He doesn't have your confidence and pride!"

"MAYBE I DON'T WANT THAT!" Darren screamed, pushing Martin down.

"I was right. I should have left you to rot." Martin growled at Darren. Martin walked out of the high security area, leaving a broken Darren. I held on to the bars keeping me up. Darren kept his back to me.

"Still not my fault?" He teared up. He quickly sat down, at the watch for me. "Back in your bed, kid. There's too much pressure on your leg." I stumbled to my bed, silently. He wiped his eyes. "Looks like I screwed up hard." He teared up, then wiped his eyes.

I looked up at the ceiling, the pain fading once more. "Today couldn't have been worse." The lights went off and I couldn't sleep. Then I heard a near silent melody.

"I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts." The voice whispered.

"Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am." I responded, my accent getting louder as I sang. Dear Evan Hansen. I recognized the song.

"That way I don't have to look at it, and no one gets to look at it. No. No one can really see." The two of us harmonized.

"Cause I've learned to slam on the brake before I even turn the key. Before I make the mistake. Before I lead with the worst of me." The voice sobbed loudly with my singing.

"I NEVER LET THEM SEE THE WORST OF ME." He screamed. I was silent by then. It was Darren. He cried hard at the front of the cell. He continued the song, quieter, and then I spoke:

"I am so sorry. This was all my fault. All of this was my fault."

"QUIT BLAMING YOURSELF!" He screamed, turning back to me. "YOU CAN'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING! NOT EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT. IF YOU BELIEVE THIS AND THE OTHER LIES THAT PEOPLE LIKE MARTIN ARE SHOVING DOWN YOUR THROAT, THEN YOU WILL NEVER GO ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE."

I laid down, quietly, looking under my bed. I picked up one of Rick's spray cans he gave to me, then stared at it. "You're right."

"Number 76349." He smiled through the tears. "I know you're gonna fix this. Goodnight, kid."

"Goodnight, sir." And with that, I fell asleep.

Author's Note

Another one from High Security! (Wow I really love this story) This one was written from the end of last school year up until October. I'm really proud of this one and I hope you all are as well.