Shower Time Demise

Read to know more. :P

Much of these last few days,

A blur. 

My mind so traumatized, 

I may never remember. 

I'll have no time to

Where I'm going.

Jerked from my home, 

Separated from all I know. 

Headed toward my doom, 

My childrens' screams, our

Final Goodbye. 

Can they feel how much I love them?

Gestapo from every angle

And I feel so weak; there's no escaping.

Days confined to this box, 

Wheels creaking, body odor

Flooding the train car, 

Scents of excrement burning my eyes. 

It will all be over soon and

This noise will cease

Once 

And for all.

Destination anything but

Well met.

We're filed from this hellish cart

One by one, beatings and bruises abundant.

They all must know that we are 

NEVER going home.

This will be our final stop.

Our last waking moments dredged out in this solemn work camp

Bloody hands clinging to the bars,

Begging for a release

You won't ever leave here.

None of us will. 

All belongings taken from me, 

Clothing stripped from my body. 

Fear floods my mind

As I near this wretched end. 

Heads shaven, nude bodies cramped and ashamed

In this cold room of poison and pain.

The guards shove me into a the showers,

My feet sliding through my deadened locks, 

It doesn't really matter now, does it?

A razor thrown at my feet. 

"Shave up for tomorrow." They say,

But I know better. 

All I have left to live for,

Is to be well shaven

Before the poison enters my system. 

I've given up hope on all else. 

Such a simple accomplishment to take pleasure in,

When it's all the time you have left. 

I may lose my life here,

But at least my skin will be smooth. 

Reviews

If writing well and delivering emotion is your objective, then consider yourself a hollywood actor, but of the natural talent and innovation it takes to be one and to reach such stature (atleast some of 'em anyways).
The beginning of the poem echoes in the sadness and depression of antisemitism and persecution of innocent lives which are cattled like animals without any remorse or sorrow. The rest of the poem rings of an slow adventure towards an unknown destination and then quickly descends into the dwelling into the horrors of humanity's conceptions. The poem then concludes with an optimistic outlook of their execution which incites the bleak and bone chilling feeling of sorrow and horror.
This is definitely great A poetry for emotional deliverance because it requires an emotional response. I acknowledge your amazing abilities as a writer so that hopefully you'll see them yourself. Hope I'm delivering an emotion of giddiness and achievement for ya, cause that's what my praise intends to do. :p
To be constructive though, I have to point out that there must be an error in line 5 cause it's missing something... which I think is the word "know" if I'm to infer correctly. Perhaps a synonym should be used though since the word reoccurs a few lines down the road. Also, though this is purely perspective and to be taken any which way you choose, what I find to be the one thing possibly lacking is message. The best one would be the evaluation of the True horrors of humanity, but that wouldn't be so much of a message as but of a simple outlook on the common known nature of man. What message does is tell how to rid these qualities of our existence and helps establish moral code, whose to say the persecution of Jews is ever wrong if racism and prejudice is never taught to be wrong. A nazi could see this as mere entertainment as I saw it as the downfall of societal hate and mass ignorance to secure a utopian way of life for one race. But of course I guess that vagueness is also the work of a true artist simply cause their work can be universal to everyone for any perspective to be interpreted, but that's simple whatever you wish to infer. only suggestive reviewing here.
And, A quick tip: if you also hate short reviews and "cool poem bro" remarks, as do I, then simply keep the settings and situation out of the description and author's note. It does help a little. I've went to as so far to even keep them blank intentionally because of that ^_^ lol, take that you sneakers.
Great job I must say. Your work is very astounding and the work of a true artist. You definitely got some artistic value that others don't, and it shines through your deliverance of story-telling. I think a thanks are in order for such an excellent piece of literature. 95/100 I think is a proper rating.

[I Shred This Cabbage]

brilliant. the spacing here creates a seeming natural flow of thoughts. i don't know but the line, Flooding the train car, really stuck with me seemed sad somehow, maybe because a train is always moving, like each moment in this situation is lost irrevocably. well done :)

[Kaylor Mason]

The emotions I felt while reading this started in mild curiosity and tipped over into a subtle fear, then snowballed out of control into an ending that gave total poignancy to the title of this piece "Shower Time Demise": Now that's called an appropriate title. The best thing about this is that you gave vague hints and subtle clues about the horrors to come, yet it wasn't so brutal and hellish to discourage the reader; you left me wanting more with each line, until at the very end, when all was said and done, it felt like a relief, like a drowning man breaking the surface of the water. Within literature (particularly suspense literature) that's an incredibly delicate trick; you can learn it in a minute, practice it a full lifetime and never master it. I think the closest one to master balancing dark horror with suspense was Edgar Allen Poe (at least, historically, he was. I could be wrong). That's the only author I can think of to compare this writing to--compare it favorably. A lot of times in literature, it's what isn't written down on paper--what's implied and on the peripheral vision of the reader--that's always the most powerful. This poem is an excellent example of that. By confining yourself in the narrator's mind and eyes (instead of pulling back to view the whole horrible spectacle from a 3rd person view) you mercifully expose the reader to the narrator's perceptions and thoughts--instead of showing the truth "as it really is"--thus making it not only endurable, but a story yearning to be told. That, in my mind, is what's known as skill

[BabyBluee]

woww veryy emotional, it really tugged at my heart, great job, I looved the last line : )

[The Analog Kid]

This is damn hard-hitting and haunting. Sounds pretty close to what actually happened too...

[Wolfwind Words]

You captured the essence with efficiency and power. The image are branded into the readers mind and the since of ultimate outcomes plays across the thoughts.

Great Ink!
Wolfie

[Kenneth The Poet]

This is a piercing piece, Lambi. Very heavy piece indeed.

[K.C. Zbryk]

I think that you captured the image you wanted here perfectly. The hopelessness resonates through this entire piece. Each image and scene just adds to the evidence that the shower is a lie. the last line is heartbreaking. Amazing write.

[xxx]

I like it, a lot.

"I may lose my life here,
But at least my skin will be smooth. "

My favorite verse. You're very good at being description, but short and precise. Keep up the good work.

[joshua deathdealer]

A stirring write. Dark dream for sure.