kilroy was here

but is he home now?

seeing you helps me to remember --

reminds me that I'm not the only one

at war with the entire world every day

and it's good to see you smiling so bravely --

what you're actually saying

is that you're trying your best

to keep fighting the good fight

even though i know you're miserable too --

you keep pushing forward

proudly wearing the purple heart they gave you

earned on love's many battlefields --

you know, they forged it 

from the shards of your wounded disposition, 

the ones they found anyway --

you saw me clawing my way across the desert

the struggle i faced as they left me there to die

without a soul to keep my body warm in the emptiness

of the dust and skies lit by all those burning stars --

so when i see you, it honestly helps me

because now i know that one of us

was strong enough to make it home from war.

                                                  

Author's Note

this is a rough draft. I'm working on it for the poetry slam coming up, so please help me make it better.

Reviews

[Juliet]

This is the recording I just did. c:

https://soundcloud.com/kathleen-lambert-1/kilroy-was-here

[Chris]

Hearing you "deliver" this one would strengthen your rhythm and tones... try using something like soundcloud and listen to yourself...

[Juliet]

actually, that's a fantastic idea! c: I'll go do that now. I have a soundcloud already, so that'll be a piece of cake.

[Chris]

Share the link after you record... I'ld like to hear you as well...

[Lyn Anderson]

I think it is good thus far, with great emotion in it. My only comment other than doing something with the font would be to possibly consider not repeating heart so soon after purple heart, to maybe consider wording it differently as in decorative medals etc.

[Juliet]

alright, i went back and fixed the redundancy of "heart". thank you for the feedback. I'm really hoping to do well in the slam. c: what do you think of the edit?

[Lyn Anderson]

I think it is a great redo. And yes, hearing you say it would be great.

[Emily Ring]

This is really good. It's an intriguing piece. I think you could improve it by creating a line or two that gives one a glimpse into the story of your battle

[Juliet]

It was missing something, wasn't it? Thank you. I tried to take your advice and add a little. Tell me what you think?

[Emily Ring]

It really feels more complete. Cool to listen to the recording too.
And also by the way, "Ghost of our Love"--what a great listen!

[Juliet]

Thank you! I wrote it a couple years ago but only recently found it to my liking to record. c: I'm so glad you liked it!