This will all pass.

when will it dawn on humanity

that someday the sun will set 

never to rise, to give its warmth again?

the earth i have so proudly called home

will be nothing more than a crypt 

for all things come to pass.

Will i then finally be at the peace 

I so desperately searched for,

my "give peace a chance"? 

the memories so vivid now,

 can they stand the test of eternity or will it

just like everything else i've come to know --

fade into the shadows behind my eyelids,

inside our holes in the ground --

not a soul will be headed back to woodstock,

certainly not anytime soon. 

Author's Note

alright, i've reworded almost everything.

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

This is so deep and so true. A thoughtful, well timed verse with nice flow.

[Thaddius]

'Everything is temporary', 'those important moments', 'our permanency', 'momentary bliss', 'this darkness'. I think you could flesh out all of these things visually. Concise, vivid, subconscious images instead of esoteric concepts. The existentialism is wonderful - you have that poet's soul. The reason I put 'darkness' in quotes is because its too generic. It's a specific darkness, so expand on it, like 'this space behind our eyes', or even 'the shadow tricks the sun can play', you know, something that's yours. That way you use a specific image from your life or the imagery of the poem as a metaphor for the oblivion without directly saying nothingness. It's the specificity that makes it so universal of course.

[Juliet]

Alright, i thought you really had a point, so i went back and changed some thing, well almost everything.
Is this any better?

[Thaddius]

Some of it is. I like how you incorporated my suggested line (you didn't need to!). I get the sense that you warm into it when you write, like me. The beginning is broad. It's bluster of humanity, and 'we'. Why not start of by making it about you.

The part where memories fade into physical things, that's a twist that makes that part good. You don't even need to 'depth of minds' line, it's overstating it. If you want to speak in a greek chorus 'in a world' voice, then I suggest you intersperse some of you, some reflexivity. You can second guess the sentiment, you can agonize, but I want it to be you agonizing. I give you mad props for reworking this and churning a new one out so fast. You are on a track to get so familiar with how this IV into your soul operates that one day not far off you won't be able to write anything that isn't gold.

There's a trust in your subconscious that you have. Crazy cool things happen at the end of your poems, and my hunch is it's because you let it fly at that point, you are in the zone, you trust and tie up the ends with the paste in your spirit. Start it off as you, with a random thought, not a theme or heading. The themes will come out in the synergy of the details and nuances.