Mother Is Sleeping

Short about a young child and her mother, who is grieving the loss of another young child.

Mother Is Sleeping.

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Mira walked down the aisle, her chubby fingers twirling around the necklace her mother had given her. It was a gold necklace, thin and interwove with pink, there was a tiny locket attached to it and inside that locket was a drawing of what her brother, Micah, would like like, if he hadn’t have died in the womb-right next to her. Her mother was in the next aisle, looking over products that bored the six year old to tears, so she had wandered off, in search of something fun to do.

She wandered into the toy aisle, her brown glassy eyes widening at the large array of them. Back at home, they had a few toys only-one for her, one for her younger sister Annie, and one for her dead brother Micah. Mother said that Micah was always there in spirit and so he must always be thought of-a place was kept for him at the dinner table, toys were bought for him, new clothes lovingly made for a boy his age….only to be given away later, by Mira’s father. Father knew that what mother did was insane, but it would be even more insane to call out mother on these illogical practices of hers. So father would wait until mother dozed off or went to do “errands” and then he would quickly and calmly collect all of Micah’s things and place them in the Salvation Army box next to the apartment door.

Mira reached out tenderly and touched one of the toys-a ceramic monkey with rouge-red painted cheeks and a cheeky, devil-may-care grin slashed on. She liked it, it seemed to have power in its brown eyes. But mother would never allow her to have such an object as this, mother would tell her that she was a bad girl (“Bad! You’re bad, bad, bad and you killed your brother! You don’t deserve that bread, give it to your sister! No, you can’t have that, we can’t afford that, this is a depression, you silly stupid girl!”)and later more punishments would come. Maybe mother would cut Mira’s shiny blonde hair again, or maybe there would be no food again, but somehow, someway Mira would be punished for daring to want such beauty, for daring to believe she could HAVE such beauty.

“Mira! Mira, where are you, young lady?” Mother’s voice, shrill and sharp, called out from far away.

Mira jerked her gaze away from the ceramic monkey, her cheeks flushed. She opened her mouth to say, “Coming, Mother!”, but closed it again abruptly. The monkey, and all the other wooden and ceramic animal toys next to it, had turned their heads towards her. “Stay with us. Hide.” The monkey intoned, enticing the child.

Mira paused, nobody disobeyed mother….but she liked the voice of this toy and the idea. Mother was cold and cruel, she gave slaps and pinches but no love and no hugs, and she allowed nobody else in the house to show love towards Mira, why not hide(“Because if you’re found, you know what mother will do! She will starve you and shower Annie with everything that you will not have, so go to her and go home and go to sleep like a good little girl!” A voice inside her head commanded)?

“Mira! Get over here, you silly girl!” Mother called again, to an outsider this voice sounded cajoling and friendly but even at six Mira heard the dark threat underneath.

“Coming, Mother!” She cried, sending a frightened apologizing look towards the ceramic monkey.

The ride home was bleak, mother refused to look at Mira. She was angry at herself and angry at the girl. The girl was a snot-nosed timid thing that was nothing like her, mother wished that Mira had been the stillborn baby. Not Micah, not the boy she had longed for since long before she was married, even before she was courting the man who would grow to be her loving, tiresome, foolish husband. She had prayed and wished and nearly sold her soul for a boy, a boy to continue on her heritage, one she could name after her father-yet she had been cursed with two girls, one stupid and scared, the other brash and annoying. The buggy jolted and the groceries which had been sitting precariously in Mira’s lap tumbled everywhere. “Oh no!” Mira wailed, her quick hands whipping back and forth to put them back in the bag.

Mother’s hand shot out fast and slapped the girl backwards, her ring knocking a tooth out. “Stupid, foolish, girl! Pick them up faster, before the fruit begins to bruise!” She yelled, fire sparking in her green eyes.

That was another thing that had always bothered mother. The brown eyes. Only Mira had them, not any one else in the family. Some nights when mother lay in bed, she thought that Mira was a reincarnate of her own mother, the scary woman she had been. On those nights she curled her lean body against her husband’s and shivered. In the mornings after, she would refuse food to Mira and instead dollop an extra helping onto Annie’s plate. Did she see the hateful spark in Mira’s eyes? Yes, and it filled her with a joy so fierce it reminded her of her first, and last, orgasm. “Mother, may I ask father if he will buy me a toy monkey? It really isn’t much and it’s lovely, I’m sure Micah would have played with it.” The girl’s voice distracted mother and she turned her nose down sharply.

“No. Father works hard for his money and you do not deserve such things, you stupid girl.” She uttered, before returning to her thoughts.

The girl had been mother’s favorite at first, because she had thought she would be getting a boy soon enough. But after the birth of Annie, and the near death that Annie had resulted in, mother became harsh and demanding. Not towards Annie, because Annie was a tattle-tale, she would tell her friends, and her teachers, and then the children would be taken from her and her husband would leave her, she would be a pariah and be forced to leave her town. So she struck out on Mira, and made her believe that she had killed her own brother. It had been easy, of course, the child was only two when Annie came along, and easily impressionable.

But sometimes the mother thought she had gone too far with that lie, sometimes she heard Mira talking, and in those garbled, half whispered sentences she heard the child say “Micah”, as if she could hear and see her dead brother. It drove mother crazy, but so did everything her tiny, imperfect daughter did. “Get up, child. We’re home. I want all those put away by the time Annie is out of her bath.” Mother barked when the buggy stopped in front of their home.

Mira laid her head down and closed her eyes, listening to mother and father fight. Lately the fights had gotten so bad that the whole house shook. She wanted to get up and warn them that they could be kicked out, but neither would listen to a six year old, especially one that started the fights. “Mira, why are they fighting?” Annie whispered, her breath hot and sweaty in Mira’s ear.

Mira swatted Annie away from her. “They’re fighting again because of me. Now hush and go to sleep, we have to be up early tomorrow.” She rolled over and pretended to sleep, her dimpled arm dangling over the edge of the bed, her fingers brushing against the cool concrete floor.

At first Mira thought she was dreaming. The ceramic monkey from the store was in the room with her, shaking her, the devil-may-care grin glowing brashly in the midnight moonlight (Maybe mother bought this for me as a surprise, or as an apology. Maybe, maybe). “Wake up, Mira. Mother is sleeping.” The monkey hissed, his voice grating.

Mira started and rubbed her eyes, this was no dream. The monkey’s arm was too cold, too definite, to be a dream. These were the words that father would say to her on nights that mother slept deeply, those were the nights that she got fed fresh food and milk. “Hurry, Mira. Before we wake up Annie. We wouldn’t want her to wake up mother and tell her, now would we?” The words were right but they sounded odd coming out of the monkey’s mouth.

Mira stepped out of bed, wincing slightly at the cold at her feet. “Follow me. Help me make mother sleep.” The monkey danced on tiptoe, powerful eyes alight with life.

Mira whispered along the hallway until she reached mother and father’s room. “Go in carefully, father is awake still, although he will pretend to be asleep. You must take this and put it on mother’s neck. It will help her sleep.” The monkey pushed a metallic object in her hand and Mira only took a cursory glance at it.

“What if mother doesn’t need help sleeping?” She asked the monkey.

The monkey cocked its ceramic head curiously. “She always needs help sleeping. She is up at night, thinking of Micah, which is why she mistreats you. If you help her sleep, she won’t be so cruel to you anymore.” The monkey promised, pushing her into the room.

Father had his lamp on, so Mira could get a dim view of the room. She could hear her mother snoring lightly, it was a good sign surely, but her heart thudded dully in her chest (Mother is already sleeping she will be upset if I wake her I can’t go through with this I can’t I can’t I can’t…...I have to). Mira crept up slowly, her rosebud breath caught in her throat, mother looked so beautiful in sleep, it was almost hard to imagine her being mean, or cruel….”Do it now, before she wakes up.” The ceramic monkey urged, its feral teeth glistening with spit.

Mira placed the object on mother’s throat. “Push down, do it now!” The monkey screamed, and in her fear she did.

Blood squirted out, mother’s eyes opened, wide and shocked, and closed again. Mother’s fists closed around Mira’s neck, choking her, and Mira pressed down harder, harder, harder, until….something snapped. The hold on her neck lessened, mother’s body loosened. Mira dropped the sharp object with a clatter. She wrapped her mother up in a hug, a tight hug that spread blood on Mira’s arms and face. “I love you mother. I hope I helped you sleep…..” She whispered, kissing mother’s cheek.

“Come now, you must go back to your bed, Mira.” The monkey beckoned.

Father awoke to find mother drenched in blood, her eyes open and unseeing, her hands bent and twisted into witch claws. His first panicked thought was Murder! and he went to check on the girls. Annie was sleeping in fetal position, her thumb tucked in her mouth for safekeeping. She looked safe...but Mira was covered in blood. “MIRA!” He yelled, rushing to her.

Mira startled awake, her bleary eyes focusing on father. “Shhh….mommy is sleeping.” She said to father and closed her eyes again.

Father’s eyes glanced over at the new ceramic monkey that mother had bought for Mira as a surprise, and shuddered.

© 2017 UseMeAbuseMeCureMe

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Reviews

Dread Pirate Robyn

Great read! I like how the monkey speaks to Mira and enables her inner pain to be expressed. Did her mother buy the ceramic monkey? It seems unlikely. Would Mira have dared to wander away in the shop? She seems legitimately terrified of upsetting her mother. Perhaps she may notice and have the exchange with the monkey while her mother browses in the same aisle but another item. I like it! Keep writing! I'm not going to leave a rating because I think its not helpful and I never do.