Worth to Waste

all the days I chased
my worth to waste

from albums of unfortunate stories
 to the telling of senseless imagery

made sense in light of the reasons now suffering,

 reasons to be embarrassed
endless romanticisms, and what will now remain
as old pretensions.

sarcasm of what was in high school,
still holding a fantasy that left me with nothing
pity at best
worthless in the sight of parties laughing.

  of course the weak get hurt the most.

 In the middle of this absurd scale of preferences,
in between others fetishes,
misplaced in wait, not sure what it was worth

 being this,

  infamous

Going to make the same mistake?

save my days to look forward to party,

or live so I can see the scenarios in length of a sincerity
I miss.

I lay into the emptiness that was the wealth I couldn't see

 as views shift along with the comfort that I now am in need.
What I discover when I've recovered
 from a hard learning.

This is not fools gold,

 easy to prefer false hope then a possible new home.

a fool here thats been troubled,

once thought as possible friend

now I don't think  cool to smirk
at the wrong scene,

singing a song I'd like to think is great  
but not in the spirits of being welcomed by company.
Since I'm not drawn to winners

 the group that made the grade to lead the way for a crowd to sing like friends.
a fool here to be apart

 not give in

 Still has reasons to claim that I can change.
Didn't want to be a person who joins in now that a woman will be considering my
 reputation
Didn't think I'd want the popularity.

But now I'll make an attempt to blend in. 
Someone who ruins nice things, my final notice.
atleast I can tell how pretentious.

level up from loser, be a rebel If didn't learn
say no more, I hear it gets worse.
no material for a story of a winner.

That chapter gets further away as I turn bac
as it was right around the corner
never turned to the page
I'll grasp what of joy was and still is my greatest effort.

Even though its not for now.
Spent all the life that made for wanting things that have passed away.

a last indulgence, a masochism, like I could afford such an immature approach.
 broken hearted and women always
make the theme of leaving in the moment feeling because close yet always out of reach, never knowing that I don't really believe I'm  worth it

 if that is I see, so no more reminder how it goes please.
 Didn' have a choice,  but I don't want to deserve something better than something affirmed.

besides regret, letting go shouldn't entail revenge

 since its now a luxury I don't have at all.  I wanted to be a jerk,

 for what portion's of life been the ones I recieve.
now probably wrong,  sides to a story.  Can't justify or being an enabler

 since I rather place good footing in good grip against ..

This time mine.