Hatsubon the Great

Hatsubon is a looser, for now...

"Hatsubon, Hatsubon!" yelled a small girl running up the path that lead to the top of the hill. She ran up to the tall, tan man who was laying under a tree. He was dressed in faded blue jeans, an un-buttoned black shirt and a tattered straw hat bent over his face. "Hatsubon, schools out, now we can hang out again, right!?" smiled the girl brightly. Hatsubon slowly rose from his slumped spot under the tree. His sandy blond hair swooped behind him. The long hair behind him pulled into dreads.

The girl smiled at him. "You got another tan Hatsubon?" she asked grinning wildly. "I told ya for the last time kid, I'm jamacian, that means I'm always tan...get it?" he asked with his hands balled into fists on his knees. She nodded. "Come on Hatsubon, let's go play again!" the young girl smiled, pulling him towards the beach. "Come on Hatsubon, come on!" she kept yelling. "Come on kid, I heard ya the first time!" he laughed. They made their way to the beach. The girl pulled a small bag off of her back. She opened it and handed him a sandwhich.

"I made you an extra sandwhich this morning Hatsubon." she smiled. "Thanks kid, if it wasn't for you, I swear I'd be dead by now." he grinned. "What's that mean Hatsu?" she asked with a concerned look. "Just that...I still can't find work." he laughed, scratching the back of his head slowly. "I'll bring you a sandwhich for as long as I live Hatsubon." she giggled. Hatsubon nodded. "Yeah, but somday I'll get a wife, and she can do that for me..." smiled the tall man. "No...I'll grow up and be your wife one day..." she smiled, peering up at his eyes through his straw hat.

"That sounds nice, but you better have a slamming body when you get older then kid..." chuckled Hatsubon. "I know...I'll have the biggest b***s in the whole town!" she smiled. Hatsubon smiled. "Well, I guess it's true what they say..." smiled Hatsubon. "Bout what?" smiled the small girl. "Love can be found in all places..." he smiled.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

Hope you like it!

Reviews

[Gideon Jacob]

This was an intriguing nice little piece. The image of a man on a hill in his straw hat is intriguing, as is the relationship between Hatsubon (cool name by the way) and the small girl. There was something quite distinctive and interesting about having the girl simply repeat his name at the beginning.
There were some grammatical errors that you should keep an eye on though. For example, usually it's best to start a new line whenever a new character is speaking; it helps the reader clarify who is saying what easier. I'd say you used the word "laughed" a little much, and adjectives meaning the same thing, but I think it adds to the character of Hatsubon and makes him more interesting to read.
I did enjoy reading this and I look forward to reading more about Hatsubon, if more is to come. You've made a fan out of me!