I am not a person

I am not a person

A Story by Oak
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TW derealization!!!

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People know, generally, who they are. To a degree. No one knows who they are fully. Sometimes I don’t even think I know a singular thing about myself. It can be overwhelming.


I dread the day that everyone around me will wake up to the fact that I am a mirror of sorts. A chameleon. I change to blend in with those around me. I present a uniquely fake identity that for people to believe is who I am. 

For a while I used to believe it too.


Now, when I’m alone I feel empty. I need to constantly be consuming something, some form of content or connection, to feel real.


Not feeling like a person leads to a bunch of other issues too.


I barely make time to take care of myself. I only bathe because the warm water feels nice, especially when I’m in pain.


I don’t know who I was when I was younger. But I think they would be disappointed in the non-person I am now.


It feels like my identity got sucked into a black hole, or trapped under the worlds largest avalanche. And I don’t have the energy to dig it out, or the knowledge to bring it back.


You don’t have a lot to yourself when you become a mirror of the people around you.


You don’t even have yourself.

© 2022 Oak


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Ada
Being a chameleon is a bit of a coping mechanism, since being seen as the outsider is never fun. Different people bring out different things in our personality; no deception there but it seems that we are most of who we truly are when we are alone. Interesting write

Posted 2 Years Ago



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1 Review
Added on January 26, 2022
Last Updated on January 26, 2022
Tags: derealization, identity, humanity

Author

Oak
Oak

Saint John, NB, Canada



About
They/Them Nonbinary YA who loves to write when they aren't swamped with schoolwork. I'm working on a novel but I also write a lot of poems when I can. more..

Writing
The Living Room The Living Room

A Story by Oak