Cum adhuc in signis

Chapter 4

The end of my detour neared getting closer and closer.  It would come about to the right of me. My feet seemed to be almost too close to the edge. That if it were to suddenly reopen and get just a bit bigger, I'd become one with the lava that waited below. I don't fully know why I am this close, maybe it's because I'm curious to see it and want a better look at this amazing chasm. Or maybe it's because I'm curious as what it would feel like to fall. Maybe even what would go through my mind if I was too. 

Shaking it off, I back farther from the edge, resolving not to indulge those thoughts for too long after all the saying is, 'curiosity killed the cat'. Though coming from me that's pretty humorous, I'm only out here to solve my grandmother's curiosity. Though by now, this was not just me wanting to help my mom but to satisfy my own curiosities. 

I wonder why it was so hard to answer. Why was I really on this quest. I wonder why in the world I haven't even looked back to the way I'd come. I wonder why am I so ready for this. Why am I so calm. Like leaving with no real intentions of coming back hadn't even fazed me. Well, this question, I actually knew the answer to. I didn't look back because I didn't want to go back. But knowing this only arose yet another. Why is that?... Had I used this quest as an excuse to leave? All these questions swirl around my mind haunting it like ghosts of the dead.

My feet kept their pace until the movement of me going over my numerous thoughts had changed it. Noticing now that I was running, I stop myself. Shaking my head once more, to leave the thoughts where I now stood. Upon reopening my eyes I start to walk again thinking of a new contingent of thoughts. After all on a one-man expedition, what else is there really to do? Other than to be alone with your thoughts thinking about anything and everything. Nothing, There, unfortunately, is nothing else. 

The crack in the earth, the end of my detour now lay at my side. As a final step, I lift my foot up to the sky and put it on the other side of the crevous. It was about four feet wide now, nothing I couldn't handle. Crossing that stretch, seemed like an accomplishment to me. No idea why but I was happy for doing so, ready to continue on. Turning around to look back at the tree I'd previously laid down beneath for safety. The feeling like I should show it that I had come all the way to the end arose from my gut, inside of me. Like it did with my mother when I was a child when I was proud of something I'd done. But the tree wasn't within my view... I must have gone farther than I thought I did. Looking down at the ground for a moment, I mourn the soon to come the death of that tree. Looking back to where it was a whisper thank you to it once again. After, I shrug slightly with my inhaling breath and walk on. 

*

My feet grow tired, I am in need of a break from the non-stop walking. It's been a few days since my detour. I've had about five hours of sleep each day since then which put me at about thirty-five hours of sleep this week. During the day I walk the entire time only stopping when I desperately need a break. During the night because of the cool, crisp feeling of the air, which is just so inviting and perfect for walking, I end up walking most of the night also well. Leaving not much time for sleep. Sleeping only when I am in need of it for basic functions, and or, fall asleep on my own during a break period. 

My legs and feet aren't the only ones in need of tending. My throat is in calling for some water, which I am reluctant to give it considering I am very low as is. My canister is almost completely empty. I've stopped at every waterhole I have happened to find. But it is still not nearly enough. Because of the lack of water, I can't stop too much, even less than I already have. Forcing me to push myself further and further.  Continuing hopes of finding water soon somewhere where I can drink and refresh myself overflow my thinking. The heat beats down on the top of my head, making it burn with a passionate fury. And do to my lack of water I have developed a migraine, my head is pounding and pounding with the blistering heat. As if my it is a large African drum and the sun is having a wondrous time banging on it. Though I doubt that the sounds coming from my head are anything close to resembling music. Probably more along the lines of a cracking noise. I am almost certain that because of my lack of liquid that my brain and every fluid in my head has become nothing but contained precipitation. 

The more I think about this the more I feel the ever so present needing urge to drink. Images of me happily drinking the water flood me. Focusing in on the sight of water falling and crashing into my mouth. I can taste it in my mouth. The feeling of cool, sweet, refreshing, engulfing, inviting, taunting call of water, filled me. Becoming fixated on it, obsession consuming me. 

I slam my body to the ground that would make me grown with much pain behind it if not for my clouded thinking. Whipping my pack off I rip open the wall of cloth in my way. My thought being on one thing, and one thing only. 'Water. Water. Water.  Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water.' Ruffling through the bag I looked for the canister, getting frustrated I pick it up, shaking it forcefully with evident anger behind it. Once all the contents are on the ground I notice it's not there and look around me. I turn rapidly each way three times at least. My sanity slipping further and further. Crawling on the ground I walk with my hands and knees looking for it like a rabid animal. My head twitching slightly almost every other second. My breathing speeding up to crazy speeds and anxiety starting rise within me. My mind still in nothing but the thought of drink the water I had so saved. When my head twitched to look back at my bag I see something out of the corner of my eye. Something small, the size of a water canister, sticking out of the side of my bag. With hungry, obsession filled eyes, I run over to it on all fours. Once The bag is in my grasp, I rip it from the hold of the side pocket it lays in. 

The canister. So beautiful, with it silver color, simplistic design, water holding capability, and-oh who cares about the damn container. It's the water I want. So sweet, so wonderful, so refreshing, so wet. I can't wait any longer to have it, I have to I must have it now! Without any delay, I grab hold of the lid and turn it more and more, for what seemed like years. Just twisting and twisting. Finally! That damn thing is off!  My water, I can get to you, I can taste you at last. 

Done waiting to drink my water I lift the canister up to my mouth ready for it divine taste. Leaning it up I await its crashing motion against the walls of my mouth. But, nothing comes, my impatient attitude gets worse and I lean it back more and more till I am looking straight up at the sky above me. Still, nothing. I feel nothing. No water, no crashing, no nothing! Pulling it away from y mouth and back down in front of me I look for it, curiously. Why wasn't it coming? I lean down to it placing my eye inside the hole to get a better view of what lays inside. To my surprise, there's nothing. I can't see but three drops of water that rest on its inner walls.  Only now does it hit my crazed mind. The water is gone, it has been for miles. I drank it hours ago, worried I'd lose my sanity if I had not. It appears I was right, I've lost my mind. Do to the lack of sleep, water, food, that mixed with the blistering of this barren desert I seem to have been trapped in for days has made me slip. Slip into nothing but a deranged animal, searching for a way to survive. 

Shaking my head slowly in shame I turn to my bag and pack it all up, putting everything neatly back where it was. I close my eyes, to compose myself again and take a deep breath. Letting go of my calming breath I stand up, slinging my bag over my shoulder. In my corrupted mind, I resolve that I will do what I can to keep my sanity and not lose it like I'd just done. Facing the way I believe to be north I begin to walk again. my head held high and my eyes full of determination. I had to find water. A human can only live two days without water. Meaning, I had to work fast or its game over for me. I'll die out here without a second thought and an unfinished quest. 

*

The sun does nothing to be my companion, beating on my head still. Though from what I can tell my mind seems to be intact still. I haven't had a freak like before in at least two hours. Though I can feel myself slipping more an more every mile I walk. 

My legs feel heavy like I have huge cement blocks on them all the way up to the top of my legs. My skin feels like it is burning, my arms swinging lightly by my sides as I move, my head keeps bobbing up and down. It was more like a marker in water than a head. My mouth is so dry that all my saliva is gone and the skin in my mouth feels like it's cracking. And the desert looks to be-be-be- ssssssppppppiiiinnnnniiiinnngggg. 

Wha..? What's going onnn..? My.. my vision is all fuzzyyyyy... Who?... wait.. why are you picking me up.?. Whats going on..? where did you come from wha....ttttttt....?..

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