Uncle Spook's Bio...

Uncle Spooks bio. That's right. Know the truth -- or something that was just made up by a drunken f*****g idiot...

It been said dat he been borned out in da bayou, where da great-mighty Mississipp-flow in. Wherein-dey be connected. Borned in a casket full-a crawdads, he was. Mm’hmm -- And in a shrimpin’ net. His skin all pruned like cajun pickled okra on da side-a bloody Mary. His guts all full up wit’ dem crayfishes, an’ crabs clackin’ dey claws all about him.

He be stinkin’ a anise an’ death. Ya, borned in dat casket full-a crawdads deep in dat cursed bayou thick with vodou magicK. Borned widda burlap sack on his face, smilin’ like some Jack-a-lantern ‘long Halloween. An’ he be havin’ dat rusty blade in his hand. Dat rusty butcher’s knife. An’ dat blood bring’m back! Dat sacrificial blood.

Marie Laveau tried-Ta brin’m back, she tried, mm’hmm! Wit da Goat widdout horns! An’ wit da zombi, an’ da datura! But she doh-no da power! She was meddlin’ all up in things she shouldn’t been meddlin’ ‘bout in! Waddn’t ‘til dat gypsy came wit da John Da Conker dust, an’ da black merchant’s candles and she done took da ipomoea -- She called him back from da lan’ a dust ‘n ghosts! From da black nest of all things slitherin’ an’ foul.

Dem candles blew out, and dat casket rose up out da brackish murk a da bayou! An’ he sloshed from inside, done up all in nets, an’ da crustaceans all ‘bout him! He smiled like da cat who ate da canary! An’ dey danced like dey was ‘long da reaper’s scythe. An’ dey moved like sand through an hour glass. Dey drank absinthe down in dat haunted bayou, der under da overhangiN’ vines ‘n everythin’

He existed den, an’ everyday since. The scourge of Nawlins. An’ I heard when dey be talkin’ ‘bout him, dey be callin’ him da burlap man. An’ sometimes dey call him Uncle Spook! And dem girls who paint demselves up all like dey dead already, he come for ‘em! An’ he take ‘em to a place where nightmares be sensual dreams. A place ya’ll can never come back from!