Free Me

---This poem was written for the animals killed everyday in slaughterhouses, if you have a heart: Go vegetarian!---

You think you are so tough,
Believe you have the right
To hurt me like you do
Just because I can't fight.

Now I am cold and scared
I know that death is near
But when I'll close my eyes
No one will shed a tear.

And when you taste my flesh,
Do you feel all the pain?
When I drew my last breath,
What did you truly gain?

The human race is sick,
That's what I learned today
They'll never recognize
The price I had to pay...

Reviews

[Lori]

I think this is very effective for making people think about the main reason to go vegetarian. (There's enough written on the health benefits). Here, you humanize the animals by speaking in their viewpoint. Nothing is more effective than that. Afterall, we ridicule cultures that eat dogs, because we have emotional bonds with dogs. But we never carry that logic to slaughtering and eating cows, pigs or chickens.

[Joanna Maharis]

You have some nice powerful images here, such as when you say, "And when you taste my flesh." I'd like to see some more images added to this piece.

[Scott Free]

Very good job!
For what you're saying (a cry for the animals that are killed to feed humans) it goes pretty well. It is missing the real heart of the argument...as in, it doesn't really inspire me to become a vegetarian. I saw this one ad for Sizzler's the other day; "WE LOVE VEGETARIANS! More meat for us!"
What you need to do in this poem, I think, is try to say that this is something important--and so far I don't think it is. Compared to all the OTHER problems in this world, animals getting killed to feed humans isn't so bad. Abortion, global warming, world hunger, things like that are more important.
But anyway, that's just my opinion, and if it isn't yours I say (as one writer to another) that you should really make the reader feel that this is important. That is the big thing that's lacking in this poem.
Other than that this is really good.

[LlamaLord]

Aw.. very sad and very touching. I think this could be taken from the perspective of a human or an animal; we can all go through pain like this. The perspective of an animal though, is what makes this piece original! Very well written, keep it up :)

[Aly]

Wow. I love this.
Really emotive!
Good job ^^