Pursed Lips

Completely silent play. Not very long, but is absolutely hilarious (according to siblings) with a small, ironic twist at the end.

Pursed Lips

(Scene: A mall. The stage is empty of people, but there are various stands and shelves holding clothing, accessories, and other things one would see at a department store. A large banner hanging from the proscenium proclaims “Grand Opening”. In the center of the stage is a pedestal holding a fancy purse, with a blank sign hanging underneath it; it is obviously supposed to be the focus of the scene. Chattering can begin to be heard from the wings, as patrons excitedly await the opening of the store. A small whistle blows, and large groups of women run in. Some are dragging their husbands, who grudgingly follow with disinterested looks on their faces. As more people pour in, the frenzy begins. Women crash into each other as they try to grab various items. Suddenly, the scene freezes. All stop except for two women, who both turn and stare at the purse, which has suddenly been illuminated by a spotlight. They look at the purse, at each other, and both of their faces slip into looks of grim determination. One takes a step forward, and the other flinches, and vice versa. They both dash toward the purse, and both grab it at the same time. They play tug-of-war with it, bumping into the other, still frozen, patrons. One pulls it away, and the other grabs a pair of boots from a neighbor and hits her antagonist with it; the purse drops to the floor. Both gasp and lunge forward, frantically checking to make sure it has not been damaged. They stop, look at each other, and realize that they are both holding it again. One of them pulls it away and smacks the other’s face with it, hence the title. The other gasps in astonishment and tackles the woman. They fight more, knocking down employees and husbands in their melee, when the strap breaks. Both freeze, staring at what they have caused. One gently takes it, tries to find a way to fix it, but to no avail. She walks back to the pedestal and gently places it back, hiding the broken strap behind the bag itself. Both exit to opposite wings. The scene unfreezes, and the toppled patrons get up, completely baffled as to how they ended up on the floor. The wives have acquired their items, and all exit. Once everyone is gone, a man comes in, clearly the proprietor. He looks at the purse, confused as to why it was the only item not purchased. He moves to examine it and finds the broken strap. He rolls his eyes and sticks the strap back on to the bag. He then takes the blank sign on the pedestal and flips it over, revealing the words “New Velcro-strap Purse”. He then walks off.
End Scene.)