Just a rant...

I’ve always prided myself on being able to understand people and know them very quickly. It seems like every time I meet someone, I can immediately tell what kind of person they are by their way of speaking, their body language, and other indicators. 9 out of 10 times, the more I get to know a person, the better they fit the profile I gave them when I first met them. This probably sounds completely heartless, but I promise, I’m not.

It’s always exhilarating meeting someone you know you will get along with. Knowing that they don’t know it yet, but soon you will be good friends. When it comes to being just friends, this thing works well. You spend more time with them, build up trust and everything works out. The hard part is knowing right away that someone is perfect for you. I’m not talking about love at first sight. What I’m talking about is far more tragic. Knowing immediately that no matter how the person looks, you are cursed with knowing that if you were romantically involved with them, all of your problems would seemingly go away. Knowing that if they would only give you a chance, you would have a shot at happiness, or at least contentment. The worst part by far, is knowing within 5 minutes of meeting a nerdy, frizzly haired girl with thick glasses that she is the one that will make you happy, and knowing in the next 5 she will never give you the chance. Those first 5 draw you in, make you want to be her friend, and the second 5 make you want to take apart your dorm building brick by brick and throw each one at her current boyfriend. The second 5 make you want to drink yourself into oblivion, not remember any of the faces you met today, old or new. The second 5 make you want to suck on the end of a pistol, jump off a balcony, beat your chest until a rib pierces your heart and it completely stops. You just never know when another person like that will come along. You pray you can forget, move on, and find that next someone before you die alone.

 

Now you know what life was like for me 10 minutes after I met Courtny. Imagine how I feel 2 years later, talking to her and seeing her every day, having still not met anyone else who even comes close.