The Creeping Darkness

I need to get back to real poetry, but I just can't stop thinking about this. I just need to get this off my chest.

So it’s back to square one. All those things we’ve said, all those emotions I’ve felt, all for naught. I never dreamed I would dread having you live next to me. I want to move on, but I’m afraid you’ve ruined me. I need a redo, a startover, a get out of jail free card. Anything to change what I know is to come. Long nights alone, avoiding the neighborhood for as long as possible. Ill see you every day, for hours at a time, and then, when the work is all done, languish coming home. Ill walk the hallway quickly, to avoid seeing you in someone else’s embrace. I’ll avert my eyes when John waves and says “Hey, Ryan! Let’s play a  game sometime.” I hold back my fists, my spiteful words. They’ll eat away at my insides, plague my stomach with ulcers instead of breaking his bones and hurting your feelings. Ill lock myself away, no more than 30 feet away from you, with only vodka and the memory of that time we watched Tony confess his love to Maria, and you asked me if I could sing like he could, and all I wanted to do, and probably should have done, was put my arm around you and give you a soft kiss on the lips and say, “yes, Ill sing like that, but only for you.” I wish I had never met you. I wish you had never had the opportunity to put me under your spell. I wish, and hope, and pray, that no matter what happens next semester, that you will not own me. No matter what happens, good or bad, love or hate, whether fate gives me a chance or not, I pray I will not give in to the darkness which is slowing creeping in, beginning to cloud my every sense.