Chapter 1_ New Jersey

     I just moved to New Jersey from Cali. It seems okay. I'm going to attend Rutgers college next week. I'm sort of scared. Hundreds of people I don't know. I'm a shy guy but I'm just a crazy, hyper person once I get to know other students.

     My mom asked me to help her with the boxes. I rolled my eyes and went out of the house.

     "You don't need to have an attitude, you are eighteen now,you're a mature young adult so you should act like one."

     I sighed. Didn't even say a word. The box I had was very heavy. Maybe its a small TV or laptops. I'm such an addict when it comes to laptops. It's all I want to do, stay on the internet. On the other hand, I want a life. So I don't do what I desire basically.

     That night, we settled in and ordered domino's. i unpacked the portable DVD player wrapped in layers of bubble wrap. My mother came in with a Twilight DVD. I sighed but didn't complain. If I did, she'd freak out and I'll end up having a tantraum.

     The movie was about two hours. Every five minutes I checked the time on my phone. As I started to fall asleep, my mom woke me up by elbowing my stomach. "Oh, I'm sorry honey." she apologized. I rolled my eyes. Why can't I just fall asleep for a week? Then, when I wake up, I can go to college even thought I'll be as nervous as a zebra is from a lion.

 

Reviews

[nadya]

not bad, but esp since its the first chapter there could be a better "grab"

[Phenomena]

I like how your form of writing is understandable, unlike mine lol. I also like how you emphasized his personality in this chapter, which is the strategy used by many well-known authors to form an introduction. In my opinion, I would really like it if you lengthened your chapters and add a bit more detail, well if you were to plan on publishing it. Great write and keep it up!=D

[Kathryn Star, Shine!]

I'm 45 years old and enjoyed your writing. It was compelling to read how a student feels when they go off to college. It brought me back to the day when I went off to college and was scared. I think your structure was well written... and now onto chapter two. Keep up the good work! K