Fate/Furious

Imchapp.in's submission for the first ever Uemb writing competition! He won third place and managed to snag the Calvino award!

“It’s been a long day without you my friend,

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again”

 

Garage, Hollywood Hills, CA

The screeching tires, the snapping branches, the twisting metal. These were the last remnants of the world below that I can recall. An intense pain enveloping my entire body. And then, a fade to black. Just like the pictures, right?

Or that’s what I thought. In a way, that would’ve been a more peaceful outcome.

“WAKE UP, BRIAN!”

A cloaked man woke me up with a blinding, white light.

“Who are you? What’s going on?”

The cloaked man walked closer towards me. “Something happened after you split away at the fork with Dom. It was rather…grisly,” he said in an all-too cheery tone.

“But I was able to bring you back after negotiating with a priest from Japan. Kirei Kotomine sends his regards,” he told me as he handed me a pair of car keys. They were rusted, but came with a remote starter.

“These keys. Why are you’re giving me a car?”

The cloaked man grinned. “It’s not to just any car! Click the ignition on the remote and chant the incantation, ‘Turn Down for What’!”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then this little dream will be just that; a dream!”

I really don’t want to be here, but at the same time, I recall a phrase my best friend’s wife often said; “Everyday above ground is a good day”. If I just escaped a dirt nap, I’m not looking to fall back asleep. Okay, the motions are set. I can do this. As I told myself this, the words slipped out of my mouth.

“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!”

Suddenly, the lights flickered as a retro Porsche tore through a ripple in the garage. As it spun donuts into the floor, the tire marks were set ablaze by the energy emitted from the car’s sheer horsepower.

When the car came to a complete stop, a voice boomed from its radio.

“Hot dog! I haven’t felt anything like this in 70 years!”

“Is that the car talking,”

“The CAR? I’m not your ordinary sedan, munchkin! Before my last ride, I was the spirit of the youth. A shining star who reached far beyond the galaxies only to burn out in a blaze of glory claimed me as his faithful chariot. Now I ask of you, are you my Master?”

I look towards the relic, and then towards the keys in my hand.

“Y-yes, I am your Master,”

“Marvelous! I can tell that this partnership is going to be the bee’s knees!”

“I’m still confused. What exactly are you? What am I supposed to do with you?”

The Porsche rocked back and forth in place. “I know nothing of your circumstances, but if you summoned me, chances are you’ve been recruited into the Holy Grail War.”

“Holy Grail?”

“Yes, the power of kings. Many have played this game before, but these games have a tendency of tearing people apart. Think rashly and I’ll become scrap!”

“And I can’t let that happen now, especially now that I’ve been revived.”

“That’s the ticket! In order to win, you must defeat the your opponents named after a set of classes; Saber, Archer, Assassin, Lancer, Berserker, Caster, and Rider.”

“So what does that make you?”

Suddenly, flames roared from the Porsche’s tailpipe.

“I am a hot-rod Lancer, an agile, heroic knight! My previous Master named me ‘Little B*****d’ but you may call me whatever you’d like.”

“Hmmmm, I think I’ll go with……Lil B.”

“Hot Dog! Sounds very modern. chique. sexy! That youthful spirit shall take us to victory!”

As we became acquainances, the cloaked man started to walk away.

“Ha-ha! Looks like things worked out just wonderfully! I will be making my leave, but until the next time we meet, make sure to kick a*s, just Like Mike.”

His ominous words would ring in my head. I have never heard them before, but they feel so familiar. I needed to tell Dom about this, but my pockets were feeling very hollow, very phoneless. I need to see him soon. Hopefully, he’s not in this competition.

 

 

 

 

 

Backyard Barbeque, Hollywood, CA

I miss him. I spent so many years hanging out with him, he’s like family to me. Brian, it was just like yesterday when I last saw you take that fork in the road. I know you must have your own life now, but I can’t help but feel like I lost a piece of me when you left. Like Groot without the limbs that made him older. Or the Iron Giant without that one kid.  

“Honey, the ribs are ready!”

That’s my beautiful wife, Letty. The only thing that can quell the sadness I carry in my heart is a woman like her that can kick a*s and help me redirect my focus on my friends, my barbeque, and my radio that’s blaring T-Pain and DJ Snake with the bass turned up. I thought we’d be able to have a peaceful dinner now that we have some alone time, but suddenly.

“Hey, Dom, STAND UP! We got a big emergency!”

“Tej, if you were gonna stop over, why didn’t you call us? We would’ve set aside some ribs for you.” I said diplomatically. Letty, not so much.

“What the S**T, Tej!?”

“Sorry, y’all. It’s just that I have serious s**t to show you. Take a look at these!”

Tej gave us a set of rusty keys, each with a remote on the key ring.

“Hobbes sent this to my mail box and sent me a threatening email to send these to you along with this letter or die.”

That’s strange even for that m**********r Hobbes.

“Let me read this,” I said, snatching the letter from Tej’s graps. As I glance through the letter, I’m already in a terrible mood.

“Hey cupcake,

Press the ignition on these remotes and chant ‘Turn Down for What’. You’ll find out why soon enough. Just make sure you jabroni’s come over to Miami. I’m gonna lay the smackdown on your candy asses in a Holy Grail War against classes of all warrior types. Your lives are on the line, and I’m ready to take them all!

Love Hobbes,

P.S. that Pacifier movie was s**t“

I’m in an even worse mood having read this letter from the star of The Tooth Fairy.

“I think we should activate our keys, right?” I said. I looked to my side to find Letty nodding to me.

“I don’t know about this,” Tej interjected. “I don’t want any part of this voodoo nonsense!”

“That’s not the Tej I know,” I tried explaining. “Have more faith in your abilities. If you stick with us, we’ll get to the bottom of this.”

“I have faith in my intuition, and I can tell you straight up this is a trap that’s gonna get all of us killed. I’m sorry, I’m out!”

“Tej, please!”

I tried to stop him, but Tej walked out. Before Tej could leave though, Letty stepped in front of the door.

“Tej, don’t screw around! If you don’t take this, you’re going to get killed! You know better than anyone that Hobbes wants to make good on his promise to kill you from the email you got. You have a death wish!?”

“I DON’T!” Tej yelled, exasperated. “I don’t, that’s why I want to escape with my tail feather in-tact. I’m scared. I’m tired. I don’t want to put myself in any more danger than I need to be, especially if it’s Hobbes a*s after me. I’m going into hiding. And it’ll take more than mean mugging to bring me back.”

The look on Tej’s face as he walked out was sullen and broken, not the Tej I know and love. Once I activate my key, I need to reach out to him and apologize for being too head-strong. I just don’t want to see anyone else leave my life.

Letty walks up to me and gives me a warm hug.

“It’s okay, Dom.”

“I know, it’s just…family.”

“And to preserve the family, we need to fight for each other, with each other. We should activate our keys together.”

“That’s right, Letty,” I smiled.

We hold the keys together and as we line up our chakra, we shout together,

“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!”

When we both pressed the ignition button on the remotes, the wind picked up at a wild pace. As the breeze rushed towards us, a rift opened up near the grill with two cars grinding their tires into the grass. Son of a b***h, we just had the grass redone! But it still looked very cool. One was a vintage car, a 1934 Ford Deluxe rolled up to me. All of the sudden a booming voice came from it.

“I am a warrior of the Saber class, durable, resilient, and loyal. My legend began and ended in a blaze of glory with two lovebirds, bound together through crime and passion. Let me ask, are you my Master?”

It’s a little bit of a fixer upper to put it lightly, but I’m more than happy with giving a vintage beauty like this a tune-up.“Yes, I am your Master”

The Ford revs its engine. “Sounds like music to my ears. You’ve got a wonderful girl as well, a prime candidate to be my Bonnie and Clyde ‘18”

My resolve is solid, but the car designated to Letty is intimidating.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” A woman’s voice bellows as the red sports car’s engine roars. “I am Christine of the Archer class. Many have been pulverized underneath my wheels. Want to crush the rest of the competition under your feet-”

“Yes, come to me!” Letty shouted.

“Very well, let us proceed with our contract at once. Never lose sight of our justice,” Christine said with delight. I wasn’t sure if Letty would’ve ever startle me, but this is pretty close.

“So,” Christine asked.

“How can we be of your assistance?” The Ford interjected.

I offered my resolve to the two. “We’re going to get to the bottom of Hobbes’ letter. And end this bad blood.”

“Bold!” Christine exclaimed.

“Yet smooth,” the Ford added. “I like you kids!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parking Lot, Hollywood, CA

I’m pacing back and forth wondering if I should use this key I took with me. I don’t want to die, but I won’t be able to protect myself without something to back me up. S**t! What should I do? What can I do? Either call forth this “servant” thing…or die.

Alright, I have to bite the bullet. It might enter me in a tournament to the death, but d****t, Hobbes already entered me in when he gave me the keys. I have no choice. So I just grip the keys, click the remote, and say “Turn down for What?”

BOOM! The parking lot’s lights flicker as a large van charges through a rift straight out of Doc’s garage. The van’s treads are set ablaze as it peels out in front of me.

“WOOO-HAAAA! I am the Suburban of the Rider class, a commandeer of fates and a compass that shall point you to the future. I now ask of you, are you my Master?”

“I-I guess so,” I answer in an accepting manner. “But, will you keep me safe?”

The Suburban shakes slightly. “There was one master I wish I could’ve saved. One who shaped the world of sound, and inspired many others to pave the path of discovery he was unable to finish…But I am strong, reliable, and cunning enough to assure your safety. And if you don’t know, now you know”

I’m reluctant, but again, this is my best option.

“Great, then I look forward to surviving with you. And take care of yourself too, I have a lot I have to ask you about your past.”

The Surburban hops. “Cool! Time to get rolling!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrapyard, Hollywood, FL

I can’t believe that f****r, Hobbes. He gets to have his own movie and break up the Fast Family. I don’t care if he’s a wrestler, I’m gonna merc his a*s tonight. I just need to build a rig that’ll destroy him. I came to the scrapyard because I heard Hobbes snuck some car in here, so I’ll remodel it to work against him. What an idiot, giving me the tools for his own demise.

As I dig through the piles of scrap, though, I find a key in the rubble. I get excited about the possibility of this being the key. There’s even a message taped to the key.

“Turn down for what?”

I thought there would be nothing of it, but a large white van came bursting through a rift and smashed through a large pile of scrap metal.

“YEAH BOY! I am the Bronco of the Caster class, cold, brutal, and tough. My legacy and infamy lead my masters into the path of glory and riches beyond their dreams. Are you my master?”

“YES! YES!” I answer, enthusiastically.

“That’s just the answer I wanted. I hear Hobbes already has his servant.”

“He does?”

“Yes, he also happens to have a 2012 Ford F-350 as his servant from the Assassin class. A model known for corrupting its masters with affluenza. You gave him quite a lot of money when you took your kid’s class to see Moana, didn’t you?”

“How do you know all this!?”

“Told’ja I’m clever. My previous master wasn’t a Simpson named Bart.”

“So, you know where Hobbes would be?”

“Exactly! I also know where the others are!”

“But, that’s my family?”

“Are they? They seem REEAAALLY cool with the Hobbes movie spinoff. You could just make a spin-off where YOU call the shots. You’re the star. You can make a new family.”

“…So you’re telling me to betray my family? Who ended up betraying me?......You know what? I might take you up on your offer. I just have one question.”

“Oooooh?” The Bronco asked in a curious tone. “What would that be?”

“Would I be able to finance Baby Boy 2?”

“If you kill everyone, you can.”

“Then, Caster, you have yourself a hell yes!”

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Let’s get started!”

Garage, Hollywood Hills, CA

“Hey, I have the intel you need. You just need to bring your servant where I tell you to bring it……Yeah……So what if it’s unethical to bring HIM back, your servant Mario Kart certainly isn’t going to care, it’s Berserker class, for god’s sake….Anyway, you’ll thank me when you ride away as the winner…You’re familiar with Kotomine, right? He has great hopes for you. Your boy Twinkie just hooked you up with the connects. It’s all Gucci, all you have to do is win this thing. Then you’ll be in the next movie along with me. Got it?.....Perfect. Rejoice, DK. Your wish will come true soon.“