'Til Death do We Part

Listen to the song at the bottom while reading.

mascara of rain flakes onto a cheek
trickling off of glass skin

sadly how does it whisper
listen
music box lullabies muffle
under wrinkled sheets
sewn with her dying
silent cries
awaken
she cannot understand
that people so lovely return to God
as her feet touch pavement
wet with anguish
a dry crack stills the earths spin
a hoarse scream erupts
from her chest
o how sweet
her passion to deaths grip
mustering her remaining mind
never to be stifled
love
the everlasting bind of loyalty
goes beyond a grave
dug of body and not of soul
she rests her head on soil
kissing the petals she has brought
honor to beloved
to whom she sacrificed her heart
never-ending
whether they reunite in the alternate
is decided on a page not yet written

Author's Note

Yes, there is no capitalization or punctuation. It is to serve the purpose of concentrating on the poem, not the grammar...

Reviews

[WordNerd]

Awsome poem :)

[Sam]

Amazing.

[XxtaintedxX]

This is amazing..I love the emotion it shows

[Emunah June.]

Woah, the song fits great with the work itself. I also must agree with Aarontastic when he says it sends shivers down my spine.

[Aarontastic]

This piece sends shivers down my spine, literally. Imbedding a song to be played along with the poem was a great idea--it augments the experience a great deal. The selection completely fit; did you write a poem to match the song, or did you choose a song for the poem? It doesn't really matter, I suppose.

This writing is full of the trademarks of your style, vivid imagery and elegant narration, but this time with a twist--you intentionally ignored grammar and caps. Frankly, I don't think this had much of an effect on the poem. In fact, by omitting apostrophes where there should have been some as you did with some words, you inadvertently make the reader pay more attention to the grammar instead of the poem, not less. I couldn't help but sub-consciously say "Oh, there's something missing here" when I came across those parts. If you want people to concentrate on the poem, the best thing to do is simply just use correct grammar, at least as far as things like apostrophes go. Leaving out periods or commas at the ends of the lines was a good idea for the way this was structured though.

Lines 4, 9, 21, and 29 all consist of only a single word. For me, these lines were the focal points of the entire piece, and its natural dividing marks; they are like the culmination of the thoughts expressed in the lines leading up to them. It's an ethereal love story, the kind that makes you sigh at the end of it--the closing lines "whether they reunite in an alternate is decided on a page not yet written" is the perfect closing cadence.

[LoneWolf]

I love the music, it adds a lot to the poem; although I'm not sure I enjoy reading poems about grief and loss in general. I do appreciate that you've left a ray of hope in the unwritten pages; it really blends well with the final moments of the music.

[Alexis]

Wow. I'm somewhat speechless. This was an amazing poem. "music box lullabies muffle"- I love that line. I've always found music boxes to be haunting at some times and very sweet at others. You're so creative... Wonderful job, dear. Absolutely great.

[kelly]

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[XxGothicDollsxX]