College Love? Yeah Right!

A story I came up with on a whim! :D Enjoy!

        My heart jumped. There he was, in all his gorgeousness. Thick black locks that curled around his perfectly pale face, ice-blue eyes that shone like stars, flawless, soft skin, long pianist's fingers with cleanly trimmed nails, and an ever-so-neatly ironed blue Aeropostle tee along with baggy jeans and black Converse. His name was Alexander Sienna. Simply perfect.
        "Miss Olstad?" came the professor's voice from the podium. I flung my head towards the chalkboard, slicing through the daydream barrier that coated my mind. There I saw Prof. Fischer, tapping her red plastic nails impatiently on the wood.
        "Is there something you would like to share with the rest of the class? Perhaps what's been on your mind while I'd been giving the physics lecture?" she snapped.
        My mind went blank.
        What should I say? I thought, as cold chills ran down my spine. Just give an excuse.
        "I was just mentally comparing the information you've given to how Professor Walter Lewin would put it," I said quickly with a smirk. Prof. Fischer did not seem impressed.
        "And how would he put it, hm?" she retorted. I thought for half a second.
        "You tell me," I said, still giving a witty smile. She scoffed, and turned back to the board to continue with her lesson. I gave a silent laugh at my quick sarcastic wits. I began to block out Fischer's lecture once again and turned back to Alex, my heart pounding. I had a crush on him ever since our junior year in high school, and here we are in our first year of college. It was a miracle he chose the same school as I did, Vancouver Film School.
        When we graduated from our senior year, I told myself it was the end to stupid high school crushes. But I still looked from afar, blushing and playing with my hair whenever he came around. I was pretty sure he knew how I felt, but who knows? He could be pretty dense and not realize it.


        "That's the end of today's lecture, students. Head back to your dorms and be ready for an exam next week," shouted Prof. Fischer over the roar of scrambling college students in a frenzy, trying to squeeze out the door. I stayed behind to avoid being trampled. As I gathered together my textbooks, I noticed Alex staying back as well. Probably to stay away from the mass of people as well.
        This is your chance! Nobody's around! Go talk to him, I thought to myself. My feet moved without thinking, and I walked over to him.
        "Hey, Alex," I said, trying my best to keep my voice from trembling. He turned and gave a heck of a smile.
        "Hi, Jessa," he said. "What's up? You need something?"
        "No, I don't need anything in particular. Just wanted to know how you're doing."
        I turned away for a second, slapping my forehead.
        How you're doing? How stupid can I get? I thought.
        "Oh, I'm fine!" he laughed. I was so surprised he didn't groan at my fail of a pick-up line. "How about you? Anything new?"
        "Not much," I replied. I was worried I would be stuck in a dead-end conversation after I said that, but he seemed to be the type to keep a conversation going.
        "That was amazingly quick of you when you said that comeback to Fischer!" he laughed. "I almost couldn't stop myself from bursting out laughing!"
        My heart felt like it was swelling. I needed to tell him.
        "Thanks!" I said, laughing slightly. "So, Alex..."
        "Yeah?"
        "I've been meaning to tell you something," I said, scratching my head nervously.
        "Go ahead, I'm listening."
        My pulse raced, and I felt like my heart was about to explode.
        "I like you, Alex," I burst out. He just stood there for a minute, looking surprised. I stood three feet away, our eyes locked in an awkward moment. It seemed endless.
        He burst out suddenly, laughing. My knees buckled, and my heart sank. It was all over, he thought it was unbelievably hilarious that I, of all the pathetic losers, liked him, the hottest and sweetest guy in all of Vancouver. I turned and was ready to leave.
        But as he caught his breath, he laid his hand on my shoulder to stop me from leaving. He stopped his laughter, but still held his wide grin.
        "That is so funny," he said, pulling me closer. I was ever-so confused.
        He looked up at me, his icy eyes glistening and his white teeth shown in his ridiculous grin. He put his other hand on my other shoulder and said,
        "I was just about to say the same thing to you!"

       

Reviews

[Therene]

No way! For real?

Well, that went fast. :D For a short story, you had a solid background. I was ready for a really long story the way you started it. There are bits of the content that was somewhat unrealistic for me though highly possible for others.

For technicals, I like how your imagery for Alex though you failed to give atmosphere in the later part.
/"Miss Olstad?" came the professor's voice from the podium. / This sentences is understandable but it seems quite awkward that you're missing a word or two.
/Head back to your dorms and be ready for an exam next week," shouted Prof. Fischer over the roar of scrambling college students in a frenzy, trying to squeeze out the door. / You can can remove 'a' in 'in a frenzy'.

Just a few nitpicks. Nonetheless, you did a great job.

Keep writing. :)

[Corvus]

Well written. Alex seems somewhat unrealistic as a character, but then again- everyone is unrealistic until you meet someone exactly like them. The randomness of them telling each other they like each other is awkward... maybe you could lead up to it, somehow?

My heart felt like it was swelling. I needed to tell him.
"Thanks!" I said, laughing slightly. "So, Alex..."
"Yeah?"
"I've been meaning to tell you something," I said, scratching my head nervously.
"Go ahead, I'm listening."

That passage has a lot to say, but drawing it out a bit could make it better. Add some detail, like the tingling in her fingertips. Also, maybe Alex could note that he has something to tell her, too, in a subtle way.

I was bored, so I wrote up an example of what I mean xP Everything I changed was in caps lock.

My heart felt like it was swelling. I needed to tell him.
"Thanks!" I said, laughing slightly. "So, Alex..."
"Yeah? MAYBE I CAN TELL YOU SOMETHING, TOO."
"I've been meaning to tell you something," I said, scratching my head nervously. MY PALMS WERE MOIST WITH SWEAT.
"Go ahead, I'm listening."

It's really good, though. Sorry for rambling xP

[Lilith]

Cute story! And nice picture to go along with it. Nabari no Ou is one of my favorites. Great work! :]

[E. L. Foley]

I liked how specific the story was--a very concrete setting. With the title being what it was, I was expecting a less-than-happy ending, but I was pleasantly surprised. You captured a nice moment.

[Seira]

short and rather sweet ;) can't tell you how you grasped me in with this reading from the first sentence . you have talent ! keep it up cause you're reaaaally good :D

[Daydreamer54]

Aw, how cute! I wosh this could have gone a little bit longer! I really enjoyed reading this! :)

[Kira]

I believe that was a perfect last line.

I am depressed right now and needed a happy ending. Thank you.

[HappyTaylor]

Man, I thought he was going to be mean! Haha I love this! It's really cute.

[The Dudeman (Kenneth T)]

Normally, I wouldn't like this story because not much really happened, but your writing style made the short plot worth something. If just about anybody but you wrote about this, it would be one boring-a*s short story. Congratulations.

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

i really like this. for a sec i thought it's be an awkward ending but it was adorable!!!