In a Hush

In a hush
Arousing thoughts best left unsaid
Muddling the lines with
Flippant responses obscuring
Unexpressed desires
Concealed imperfectly by
Kindred pasts
Evading what could only be
Disaster

Illusory...that's how I would describe it.
Never once admitting what we both knew all along

 

 

 

Acceding advances, allowing the allegory to continue

Hindered by roles and rules, each of us
Underestimating what others could already see
Staving off what we wouldn't admit
Holding on to the lie a little longer

Already it was becoming too much
Recklessly concealed in language we both understood
Overshadowing the lines
Under which we would soon cross
Souls coalescing in crowded corners
Indifferent to the risks of reckoning
Narrowly avoiding the truth
Gradually growing between us

Time inhibits possibilities-
Harboring insatiable thoughts
Obtruding, regardless of self imposed oppression
Unabashed by mounting desires,
Garrulous actions revealing truth
Hidden in plain sight-
Teasing, taunting taut
Shrouding the implausible probabilities

Bestowing inept gestures
Endlessly through unsaid words
Surreptitiously increasing paranoia
Thinking we were only playing

Least that’s what we wanted to believe
Entering feared territory, consequently
Falling to biased judgments
Tossing back ideas needing revision

Until it was clear that we weren't playing- I wasn't...
Narrowly restraining restricted actions
Salacious fervor running rampant in my mind
Almost daily...a countdown had begun
Impairing thoughts and judgement
Determining if the thoughts were reciprocal...

Maybe she felt the same way..
Uncontained at times by her
Deep down derisions
Dissipating direct visions
Listing listless loathing mental lacerations..those
Incisions only I could heal because I
Never knew not what to do, a more than willing
Guide at her fingertips

Talking incessantly in circles
Hoping she will speak up, speak out first
Eliminating the fear of rejection

Limiting the scope of our relationship...
Insidious thoughts seeping in my mind
Neglecting to acknowledge my responsibility
Evading eye contact to maintain roles
Secretly wanting her more, not so secretly...

Feverishly excavating her mistrust..I began
Lavishly soaking in each
Indiscernible dive into her insides
Pushing..pulling, thoughts-hersmineours-
Protruding never prematurely but
Always on time when..they
Needed to be stated..and when this abyss needed
Tender treatment, an inner touch..Me-I

Reasoned, responded, proceeded
Endlessly revised my own forced delirium
Sultry like and driven
Pressure fleeing the premise
Only to unveil her seemingly
New intuitions
Saving face through meditated mistakes
Erupting- frustrated- her rage
Suspended, singing, superior..hermyour manipulated manifestations

Oblique secrets remain intact, regardless of
Blatantly exposed, half-revealed truths
Sometimes discussed, but never fully decoded-
Carefully allowing the game to continue...
Unsuccessfully concealed poems are misappropriated-
Running the risk of revelation through cautiously
Invited analysis and dares,
Not to mention what's always
Grievously understated, but glaring.glowing.growing--

Unarticulated desires doused
Nudging the ideas away...an overwhelming
Extension of maybes- the probability of touch...
Xenial in front of others, fear of what they may see
Pushing the limits of the game that isn't a game
Resistance forced, each and every moment alone
Eagerly awaiting the silence sometimes present,
Speaking volumes...
Serendipitous perhaps, potentially promising prospects
Each of us obliviously aware of
Drawing it out a little more each time…

Daring her to come out a little further
Exploring the depths of the water, our relationship
She is playing along- but not playing at all…
Irresolute at first but now willfully submerging herself
Recognizing what is happening
Easing into it

Constantly aware [that is] but
Only on the inside
Not so much on the outside...see she is
Careful, too careful, wanting not to
Evoke what she is scared of the most [herself]
Always asserting authentic awareness…
Languidly trying to keep it away safely it stays
Engraved beneath her flesh, telling me to make
Decisions because she was incompetent, or at least played the part..

I insisted on those trips down…
Memory lane hoping my
Posture would keep things -the game- tame
Exactly the way it should be perceived and
Received by us and those around, watching, stumbling,
Falling into my trap that I know we both set up
Efficiently affecting moral prohibitions
Cornered and weak but not really…
Trying to talk normally was getting harder- eternally hard
Lapses in language more frequent
Yellows caution was nowhere to be found.

But was it needed? That
Yielding restraint?

Kneading heeding needing her now here
Intellect stimulating tension in the
Nascence, but slowly subsiding as we
Demarcate the boundaries that may
Risk changing the
Elevation of our clandestine encounters
Disembarking from the comfort of lies

Pulsing within us- the
Addicting allure of
Seducing sensual sedation
Through furtive conversations
Showing ourselves fully, finally...

Eating away at the passive exteriors
Viciously making up excuses only to eliminate the
Awkward interjections from those watching..our
Distance between sanity and insanity
Increasing with each suggested line
Nudging the frame, loosening the pictures control over its
Guarded self..lying there exposed

Wishing for more every
Hour that went by
Averaging three a day but
Time was never ticking, making it the biggest factor

Clouds parting displaying sunny days
Obstructed no longer by cinder blocks
Uplifted..moving, burning, freely
Like breathing, it came naturally..that
Day when it all changed again, when

Orange happened without
Notice, by chance, unplanned
Leading us down paths where
Yellow was nowhere to be found- caution was gone

But that didn't really worry us anymore- instead it
Extended opportunities for the fruition of our ravenous hunger-

Desires, no longer needing to be contained
Implicitly complicit, our actions illicitly explicit...
Sexual tension finally released
Absolute rapture followed-
Silently stroking her cherry center
Touching her, she finally felt free to
Enter WE fully, no longer caring about the
Repercussions.

 

 

 

Author's Note

woohoo this is the original post restored

Reviews

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is riveting meaning i read without glancing away or lighting a cigarette.. it is such a good read, as with you, very well written..Was thinking it was never going to happen!
I like the colors used yellow.. caution? Seems.
Orange.. flashing sign ?
meusour..ect., so inovative!

Very interesting .. loved all of it!

What's this about a countdown??

Chloe
xoxo

[Amanda Crandall]

I like how the color coding is explained in the poetry. Thank you for that, its aves me the message of trying to have you explain it to me.

[Bi-multitude]

O_O I . . am . . left . . nearly . . speechless . . . though it takes a lot to shut me up. This is b. . .e. . a. . . utiful. I heart this! Very long though . . kept me Entertained though, more than I can say for my English book. XD (That's a compliment by the way. lol)

[lostintheworld]

before you started stroking it?
ha
yeah

but the real question is
what happens next?

[eli mercuree rue]

haha do you remember when cherry centers was just a ghey line from one of your poems?

[lostintheworld]

dude...
the coutdonw...
ha 372

[Racheal]

Nice - this is really awesome. you perfectly captured the dance of a new relationship - the insecurities, the wonder, the angst, the unexpressed desires until you breach the dam and everything is perfect and beautiful.

[Freedom Writer]

I enjoyed reading ur work...
Countdown
wat will happen Next??

[eli mercuree rue]

only a countdown
that can be sped up

[lostintheworld]

exactly...

so is this the part where you make me wait?
like a countdown?