SubmisS[ive]SymBiossiS (pARt onEe)

A BigGwwhAaaLEe and a little tuna KaNn
With a hole in thy middle
Of the DanceFloOr
Right on tip top of the empire state building
Pumping out [those emissive] cherry colored
Dandelions to the Boston skyline
Where that BlueMunKey
And PurpleSingaporeSinnerSingerSongwriter
Bellows out the tunes of
CarpalsMetTaCarRpalsTarsals[and]Phalanges
And the fish
Those toxic cancer giving fish
Are what these Boys like
Those fish and there never spewing Eggs
Just waiting for some tadPOolesS
So that they can grow into big hopping
Frogs; StickEe frogs
That sticCk to the inner surface of
The wwhAaaLEes tic ticking toc
Of his biological warfare fearing clock
That is never on time
But always cLiCkinGg
Away the seconds
Counting and pounding
A patriarchal pendulum of sorts
Swinging And kCnoOcCK[king] down
The feeble LeoPardstrippedTigers
Who Strip their FleshlyFur willingly
Willingly like reproduction
And mass brainwashing
And preconceived thoughts
Lacking emotion
And paint
Tainted paint
Purely tainted paint
Saturated purely tainted paint
Super saturated purely tainted paint
For the green walls of the caves
That the BlueMunKey crawls into
And sings his song
Of the day
When just
Maybe
His cherry colored Dandelions
Those Gifts from the BigGwwhAaaLEe
To the Boston Skyline
That he precariously snatches
Will be enough
To gain him an upper hand
An upperEntryhand
A larger probability margin
To get to where he needs to be
In that bigAss Paaaiirty
In the assss of a BigGwwhAaaLEe
That iS inside the hole of a little tuna KaNn
A Dolphin FriendlyTunaKaNn
With a hole in thy middle
Of the DanceFloOr
Right on tip top of the empire state building

iS the She lacking..?
iS all they will ask..

 

 

Author's Note

wow taalk about a trip

Reviews

[lostintheworld]

I'm in love, and will be deciphering it for days i'm sure...but let me start with my faves...

"And PurpleSingaporeSinnerSingerSongwriter" not just alliteration, but sibilants- nice touch...very nice touch... usually thisis indicative of a warning... danger about something...foreshadowing, and you follow it up appropriately with just that-

"Bellows out the tunes of
CarpalsMetTaCarRpalsTarsals[and]Phalanges" the word play here- beautifully done
then...

wait
for it

wait

for it

the warning:
"And the fish
Those toxic cancer giving fish
Are what these Boys like
Those fish and there never spewing Eggs
Just waiting for some tadPOolesS
So that they can grow into big hopping
Frogs; StickEe frogs"

my mind arranges those letters and nearly finds "possess" which i find interesting about the Boys...it also find posse- and i can't help that my mind wanders to "I said POSSE!"... wordplay- i love it.
If any other person had written it
i'd call it unintentional,
but you know
the voices are an extension
of unencumbered thoughts-
and really subconsonscios desires, feelings,
and sometimes fears
beggin for manifestation...
even the bad ones
so somehow i think that was intentional,
given the rest of the poem
and your obvious genius

tic ticking clock clicking c**k
these words are rolling over my tongue in ecstasy...damn, i love them

"That sticCk to the inner surface of
The wwhAaaLEes tic ticking toc
Of his biological warfare fearing clock
That is never on time
But always cLiCkinGg
Away the seconds"
this takes more time- i have to assign the metaphor-
i was there,
but something is changing
and i suppose i have to account for that
time
fading...
out of time- why?
because of them?
"A patriarchal pendulum of sorts"

"Swinging And kCnoOcCK[king] down
The feeble LeoPardstrippedTigers
Who Strip their FleshlyFur willingly
Willingly like reproduction
And mass brainwashing
And preconceived thoughts
Lacking emotion"
like the traffic of women...giving it up at whatever cost, even themselves...
freely
voluntarily
and it sickens me

the change happens here- done again in a genius lauren fashion with an evolution of words, constantly growing changing...
"And paint
Tainted paint
Purely tainted paint
Saturated purely tainted paint
Super saturated purely tainted paint"

color imagery again- green, fertility (in art), or happiness, luck, wishing, vermeer's paintings stand out in this way- though i can't say why-
red, damn the stereotype of love, but you know it
and blue, like sad, lonely, depresed, longing, wanting...
"For the green walls of the caves
That the BlueMunKey crawls into
And sings his song
Of the day
When just
Maybe"
yeah, maybe....

"His cherry colored Dandelions
Those Gifts from the BigGwwhAaaLEe
To the Boston Skyline
That he precariously snatches
Will be enough
To gain him an upper hand
An upperEntryhand
A larger probability margin
To get to where he needs to be
In that bigAss Paaaiirty
In the assss of a BigGwwhAaaLEe"

and this is the perhaps most telling part of all...
which is why i want to play with it a bit longer in my mind

and besides
i'ma bout to bust open the can

iS the She lacking..?
iS all they will ask..

no.
she's not

[Raef C. Boylan]

Wow. Your style here is amazing.
Mixing of upper and lower case for effect can sometimes be distracting or annoying, but it feels right in this piece, heightening the sense of being inside someone's mind - maybe even the reader's own mind - where things often get distorted and chaotic...that atmosphere is also formed by the build up of lines into lively sentences, kind of like the word association games we play when held hostage by our own heads (i'm assuming it's not just me anyway):
"Tainted paint
Purely tainted paint
Saturated purely tainted paint
Super saturated purely tainted paint" - it's fun and frustrating at the same time.

One of my favourite parts:
"The feeble LeoPardstrippedTigers
Who Strip their FleshlyFur willingly
Willingly like reproduction
And mass brainwashing
And preconceived thoughts
Lacking emotion" - it read like a solid concept lunging out from the swirls of confusion.

I love the whole thing, though; it's an interesting and exciting read, with a lot going on.
Feels like there are either many different, sub-messages being sent through this, or that it's a massive, complex piece of personal exploration.
Whichever, or neither...it's great.

Thanks for posting this. I really enjoyed it.

p.s. "Those fish and there never spewing Eggs" (i'm not sure if it's intended to be "there" or a typo that should be "they're"?)

[Racheal]

This is a good piece and it reminds me a lot of some of the things that lewis carrol wrote. Besides confused people can be a lot of fun. Esp if you take the time to really try and understand them.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is great..I really am a dunz, dunse, dimwit..I have no clue as to the meaning..sorry, but it is nice to read and I don't eat tuna for fear of eating a dolphin.
This is an enigma.

Chloe

Peace

[Amanda Crandall]

Unique, I like cyclical, and I can read it without having the desire to slap you until one of your stations make sense. Thank you for posting it.

[Carmen]

hmmm... you are right... tis very "i don't know" BUT I do know I loved this read! 'twas very interesting indeed. :)