Inert

I traced my fingers

Across the smooth collapsed flesh of her naval

Let my tongue slip through

The hazed, distraught maybes

To the place between her lips

Where I had let my finger slip

Trying to give her more than she had bargained for

Curing her of her man needing craze

She was concaved, somewhat deranged

In her sphere of newfound bliss

Her new favorite game

And the more she came,

No matter how much I tried not to

All I could do

Was think of you

And the games we use to play

 

The memories washed over me

Unrestricted, explicit, precise

Perfectly flawed

Emotions redrawn

I was taken back to that place in

N i n t e e n

N i n e t y

S       i        x

We were outside picking up sticks

When you showed me how to

Get a firm grip

On the “lawnmower” is what you called it

To go with it when it moved

And when we were done

I would let you wash me in the white waters

From the black hose you were so proud of

Walked inside

Soaking in sweat

Your sweat

My sweat

Hands sticky and wet

I let you feel me up with those happy moments

So that when you were gone

I could still remember you

Daddy

I prayed,

Prayed everyday for you to come home

Teach me something new

Leave my brothers alone; play with me

Hold me, touch me, sing to me.

We played,

Played so many different games

But my favorite times were when we were playing house

And you were the husband and I was the wife

But I still called you Daddy 

And you still called me OhBaby

You would kiss me

Like I wanted you to

And I would play in your pants

Like you taught me

When you stayed all night

We would commence at sunrise

And not stop until the erections faded

And I was completely consumed in your flesh

Dancing circles around your

Little boy blues,

Relieving stress

Creating new fixations

Teaching you like you taught me

The proper way to place a lollipop

In my mouth

How to make It taste so much better

With where I placed my tongue at

And after the first time, Daddy

I was never scared again

No matter how hard you pounded

No matter how many teeth you rattled

The walls were already broken

And you were just trying to show me

What it felt like to lose control

Show me a little bit of what I made you go through

Every night sitting back just thinking about me

Wanting to pry me from your mind

But wherever you went I was always there

Smiling, dancing, wanting you

But I was still just a baby, Daddy, every time you called me OhBaby

Made me bite down on my bottom lip

Or scream into your open hand

Or watch the excitement in your eyes

As I played with the girl next door

The same way you played

With me,

On me,

In me,

But none of this really mattered to me

You see Daddy

I was just relieved

That you accepted me as your daughter

That you spent time with me

That you loved me so much,

You couldn’t help but get as far inside of me as you could go

That you loved me so much,

I had to be a secret

That you loved me so much,

You told me to only call you Daddy

And everybody thought it was cute

I knew you weren’t my real Daddy

But at least I had one man to give that name to.

 

 

Author's Note

um yeah

Reviews

[lostintheworld]

This is beautifully written. I love how it starts in this erotic sexual moment- perfectly captured, I might add- It feels like your taking the reader one place, and just as the excitement builds and she comes, so do the flashbacks for you. And your trying to stay in that moment, but it's too much-
and then you take us there, but in flashes. Much the way the memories appear in your head, they now appear in ours...and then we see the way you sacrificed yourself...what you were doing and why:
"The same way you played
With me,
In me,
On me
None of this really mattered to me
You see Daddy
I was just relieved
That you accepted me as your daughter
That you spent time with me
That you loved me so much,
You couldn�t help but get as far inside of me as you could go
That you loved me so much,
I had to be a secret"

and then "But at least I had one man to give that name to." the slap in the face to end it... brilliant.
It's perfect.

[Raef C. Boylan]

S**t - i read this ages ago and didn't review it...just grabbed a few points by reading and rating the reviews. What a li'l fecker.

So it's with you everywhere, even when things should be private, just the two of you - the new 'two of you', the one that's okay and shouldn't make you feel bad.
We start there, and then flashback interrupts what should be enjoyable/semi-enjoyable.
We, like you are interrupted from the action that should be forefront, but can't be.

"On the �lawnmower� is what you called it
To go with it when it moved
And when we were done
I would let you wash me in the white waters
From the black hose you were so proud of" - garden/outdoor theme continues, from the setting to the experiences.

It's all haunting and captivating, but this bit kept grabbing me:
"Teaching you like you taught me
The proper way to place a lollipop
In my mouth
How to make It taste so much better
With where I placed my tongue at
And after the first time, Daddy
I was never scared again
No matter how hard you pounded
No matter how many teeth you rattled
The walls were already broken
And you were just trying to show me
What it felt like to lose control
Show me a little bit of what I made you go through" - there's self-blame and power and education and sweet mixed with bitter and violence and gentle analysis...the narrative voice is an adult's wisdom articulated through a child (the simplistic tone of this is childlike, in a good way) - which is so f*****g appropriate because it's a kid knowing what she shouldn't yet.

The honesty of your pieces about this strikes me down because so many others are all about the rage and bitterness and stolen innocence...they don't tell us how, in confused kid minds, they liked it because of the maturity it suggested.
"Prayed everyday for you to come home
Teach me something new
Leave my brothers alone; play with me"

You cover it all here.
The flashback consumes the moment, becomes the moment, because you're in those moments.

And you don't trick us into pity, like a friendly face on the doorstep with selling spiel running through their head, or a charity worker with the pictures they thrust in front of your eyes...it's just how it is.

Well expressed.
That beginning moment is forgotten, because the narrator is addressing her father throughout, which means, for her, there's nobody else in the room.


"naval" (navel...i think?)
"And the games we use to play" (used?)

[Anata]

That's....well i don't know how to call it.
It's very well written, very well expressed, sad and yet lovely.
You told me to only call you Daddy
And everybody thought it was cute
I knew you weren�t my real Daddy
But at least I had one man to give that name to.
And a smack in the face at the end! I like the way you expressed the feelings, the way you describe your most personal moments.
It's truly a very good poem.

[Mannix]

This is fantastic stuff, very sad, but very meaningful, powerful, and nostalgic.

[Just me.]

sad but beautiful

[Blue Cavalla]

Wow... this is powerful stuff. The last ten or so lines are just amazing.

Blue

[Jato]

Gritted my teeth the whole time. Beautifully painful.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Through tears.. I see this too clearly..

'The memories washed over me
Unrestricted, explicit, precise
Perfectly flawed
Emotions redrawn
I was taken back to that place in
N i n t e e n
N i n e t y
S i x'

I think it is morbidly erotic.

Peace

[lostintheworld]

is that artemisia gentilleshi??- judith slaying the head of holofernes?

damn that fits well!!!