A Requiem for Your Childhood

Dark Winnie the Pooh fan fiction

1
It was a gorgeous night, with a full moon illuminating it. In the woods, there was a slight clearing where there was a grassy spot for several meters. It was here that the carriage simply *POOF* appeared, as if completely out of thin air. The carriage was of solid mahogany, painted a rich black, and inlaid with gold details all around it. Its doors swung open, and as if from a clown car, what appeared to be a massive, sentient, stuffed, anthropomorphic elephant, wearing a black tuxedo with lavender tie and cummerbund, with a matching top hat, squeezed himself out of the carriage. He was big and round, with a devious yet charming visage. He had a black umbrella looped over his arm. He straightened his jacket, and with aplomb, he extended his long, snaking trunk back into the carriage to lend assistance to his trophy, a much smaller, much prettier, much pinker elephantine figure, who was trying to figure out how to navigate her monolithic purple hooped dress, which was catching on the inside of the doors of the carriage for a second, but as the two figures tightly looped trunks, he was able to yank her hard enough that the entire dome of muslin and taffeta and structure spilled out of the cabin with movements not unlike a swinging bell, and swiveled around her body several times before finally coming to its rest. She wore a golden straw bonnet atop her cute little head, with little whisps of her black hair like yarn peeking through here and there. Her hide was pink, unlike her grey counterpart, but she wore a dark purple eyeshadow to match her frock. She carried a dainty black parasol, with a razor sharp spike at its tip. She began with this looped over her arm like her husband, but promptly opened it and held it aloft with her trunk, to protect herself from the moonglow I suppose. She smoothed her dress with her front hoof as it floofed out all around her for several meters. The couple was a monumentous sight.
Just then, the female spoke.
“Oh my dear, Hephaestus, what an absolutely LOVELY night!” She said, dripping with a posh English accent.
“I quite agree Aphrodite, a tremendous night for a stroll.” He replied. They linked arms, Aphrodite lifted her skirts with her hoof, and they slowly proceeded through the wood, gazing into each other’s yellowish eyes with a fluttering air of romance about them.
“I must say Dite,” This was his pet name for her. “The way you look in the moonlight is the most breathtaking vision I could imagine.”
“Why thank you Heph, I know I look simply marvelous.”
“Quite right, quite right. That dress is something else, out of this world.”
“Yes, I wore it because I knew how much you liked it my dear.”
“I must confess, you’re a rather bewitching spectacle.” She giggled.
“Oh, do go on Heph.”
“A goddess, held together with thread and yarn, encased in this wonderful, frilly, delicate forcefield, a half-dozen meters ‘round.” The more he spoke about it, the more of a zealous fervor he seemed to be whipped into. Dite blushed.
“Oh you are a poet, my big, strong Heffalump beau.” At this moment they paused, entwined their trunks together and shared a passionate kiss.
“I am feeling rather peckish Heph, what say you?”
“I am absolutely FAMISHED darling.”
“How about a small spot of hunny then?” Heph produced a small black hunnypot from inside his jacket, lifted its lid with his other hoof and presented it to his beloved. Dite smiled at him, as if demurely, and with gratitude, and dipped her dainty trunk into the icky sticky stuff, mixed it around a bit, and began taking deep, deep guzzles, smiling as if in an unparalleled ecstasy, until she’d had about a dozen or so.
“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! How marvelous!” She pulled her trunk from the pot, placing the end of it into her mouth and suckling off any remaining drops of the nectar.
Heph then plunged his thick, powerful trunk into the pot and took a great deal for himself in a very similar fashion.
“What shall we do on this extraordinary night, my little hunnypot?” Heph asked, beaming with joy.
“Hm, why it has been a while since we’ve gotten into any proper mischief, I believe.” She said quite matter-of-factly.
“Are you quite sure we haven’t stolen any hunny recently?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Dispatched of any humans in their dreams?”
“Dreadfully, we haven’t done that in AGES.”
“Oh dear, you’re quite right. We must be slowing down.”
“Oh, we must really pull off something BIG, then!”
“Do you have anything in mind?” A devilish look came over Dite’s face.
“How about a spot of… psychological torture?” Heph grinned as well.
“What did you have in mind, dearest?” Dite leaned over and whispered in Heph’s big floppy ear. He giggled.
“I say!” He exclaimed. She continued whispering. “My word!” She continued whispering. “Yes, but how would we…” She continued whispering. “Oh yes, I see now. Yes, beautiful, this sounds like an absolutely marvelous plan. Now, let us locate our victims…”


2
Roo sat on the floor of his bedroom, playing with a spinning top. Kanga, his mother, was sweeping the hallway.
“Roo, dear, it’s time to wash up and get ready to go to sleep.”
“But I’m not tired, Mama.” He replied.
“Not another word out of you, it’s bedtime.” Roo frowned and skulked off to the washroom to do as his mother asked him.
Suddenly, there was a rapping on the front door. Kanga was a bit caught off guard by this, because it was rather late, and was not expecting anyone to drop by. She wiped her somewhat soiled paws on her apron, and hopped over to the front door to see who on Earth it could be at such an hour.
As Kanga opened the door slowly and peered out from behind it, she caught a glimpse of Aphrodite and Hephaestus standing in her doorway, just as a massive bolt of lightning erupted in the sky behind them. Kanga was startled by the sight and was taken aback.
“Why, hello there, Miss Kangaroo!” Dite exclaimed as she attempted to force herself and her dress through the front door, “I�"” she paused as she was frustrated by her garments for a second, Heph used his trunk to guide the fluttering mass, helping it collapse a bit so as to successfully navigate the doorway, “I am�"” she finally cleared the threshold as the dress popped out wider with a sound reminiscent of the opening of a gargantuan umbrella. “Aphrodite,” she offered an extremely deep and somewhat prolonged curtsy, “goddess of beauty, and this stately fellow here�"”
“Hello!” Heph was able to shrink slightly as he waddled through the doorway, only to return to his remarkable previous size immediately upon entering.
“Is my husband, Hephaestus.”
“I see…” Kanga said, knowing the heffalumps’ devious intentions. “We don’t have any hunny, so I’m not sure what you’re hoping to get out of us.”
“Oh but my dear, we are not here in search of hunny right now.”
“Oh?” Kanga was confused now. Theft of hunny was well known to be their primary modus operandi. “Then why… why are you here?”
“Oh my sweet kangaroo…” Dite caressed Kanga’s face with her trunk. “We simply thought we might have a bit of fun…”
“What kind of fun…?” Kanga asked, skeptically.
“I, personally, have always been rather fond of playing pretend. You know, make believe?”
“Okay…”
“Have you ever behaved as if… you were somebody… or something… you weren’t?” Dite began to lift her skirts and pace about Kanga’s living room.
“As a child, certainly…” Kanga felt a foreboding feeling come upon her.
“Well, we�"” Dite stopped for a minute and leaned in to whisper into Kanga’s ear, and said “heffalumps�"” very softly, yet purposefully, deliberately, and then continued. “�"do not have to belabor ourselves with pretending. We can simply… become.”
“What…”

“Heph, would you care to demonstrate?”
“Of course, my little hunnysuckle.” Heph squinted his eyes up tight as if concentrating very hard, and began stretching himself out into a longer, much thinner form, with his face contorting and shifting until he more resembled a weasel, but with a long and kinky body, somewhat snake-like. “Is this to your liking, Ms. Dite?” “Oh my!” Dite’s face was one of astonishment, although she was fully aware of her husband’s impressive abilities of transformation. “What a long and lithe woozle you’ve become!” She exclaimed with a bit of pleasure in her voice. Kanga was absolutely awestruck and scared to death.
They’re too powerful, I don’t stand a chance against them… I just need to protect Roo as best I can… she thought.
“Okay… that’s, that’s very interesting. But what do you need me for?” Kanga asked bravely.
“We thought that perhaps, you would play with us.”
“I don’t get it.” Dite lifted her skirts and put her face very close to Kanga’s, and began to wrap her trunk around her neck.
“But you will!” Dite said, and planted an impressive kiss on Kanga’s mouth, as she tried pulling away, but was held in place by Dite’s trunk. Heph, who had returned to his H form, tried to position himself to get a good view of the kiss and giggled to himself quietly.
Dite ended the liplock, released her grasp and began to back away from Kanga while maintaining wryly smiling eye contact.
“I…What, what are you doing!?” Kanga exclaimed, troubled by these events. Dite just grinned.
Suddenly, with a slight twinkle of magic dust, Kanga’s snout began to elongate, and her nose expanded into a ball-like nub at the end. Her body too began to stretch, her powerful rear haunches becoming thinner and longer. At first, Kanga was aghast at what was occurring, but as the transformation carried on, she began to smile uncontrollably. There was a feeling of wonderful power that came with becoming a woozle, and Kanga loved it.
“Hm, this is wonderful, but it needs something…” Dite wondered aloud. She thought for a second. “I’ve got it!” She exclaimed. She picked up her black parasol and waved it about in a circular fashion, in Kanga’s general direction. As she did this, the form of a dress began to take shape around Kanga’s new woozly body. It was big and wide and hoopy, just like Dite’s, and a dazzling, deep shade of purple, just like Dite’s. The ruffly white apron that Kanga had been wearing before the transformation occurred fluttered down over the entire getup, though this time several feet from Kanga’s front, being held out by the diaphanous scaffolding.
Dite clapped her hooves, and held them together, looking lovingly upon her handiwork.
“Come on Heph, our work here is done. Time to let the dominos fall!”
“Yes dear, let us away.” Heph and Dite looped trunks and with a *POOF!*, they both disappeared.
Woozly Kanga looked down at herself and giggled. She was ecstatic about her new form, and knew immediately what she had to do. Excitedly, she lifted her skirts with both hands and sashayed up to Roo’s bedroom door, though did not enter because she could not easily fit. There she found him sitting on his bed. Roo was surprised and confused about the figure before him, but was not frightened.
“M…Mama? Is that you?’
“Yes, my dear.”
“But you look like a woozle.”
“I AM a woozle, darling.”
“But how?”
“A heffalump named Aphrodite came and visited me, and she turned me, just like that.”
“Cool! Can I be a woozle too?” Kanga lifted her skirts and sat next to Roo on the bed so that he was all wrapped up and covered in them.
“Of course.” Kanga kissed Roo gently on his cheek, and the same shake of magic dust that made her woozly did the same for little Roo. They both laughed, then Kanga stood, picked up her son and placed him in the pocket of her apron.
“What are we going to do now, Mama?”
“We’re going to have some fun.”


3
Rabbit had just gotten to sleep. He hid his long ears in a stocking cap. There is a carrot plant on his night stand.
Suddenly, he heard a rapping on his front door. He sprang out of bed.
“Who on earth could it be at this hour!?” He grabbed his popgun and went to see who was there. “I can’t imagine it would be Pooh bear… He must have gone to sleep hours ago…” He said to himself. Yet still he called “POOH BEAR!? IS THAT YOU?”
From the other side of the door, he heard them reply.
“No Rabbit, it’s Kanga!” Rabbit thought that something seemed off about her voice. It was bit higher pitched than usual, and not as calm and reserved as Kanga tended to be.
“And Roo!” This voice seemed different, too. He was almost screeching. Still, Rabbit thought that if they’re sounding so strange and come to his treehouse in the middle of the night… that just means that they must need his help. He approached the door to open it, but did not put down the pop gun.
Just then, Woozly Kanga side kicked the door in, with a flourish of petticoats. Rabbit went flying backward, the pop gun across the room, and landed on his head.
“That was FUN Mama! Let’s do it again!”
“I quite agree son, but first we have something even more fun in store.” Rabbit tried to stumble to his feet, seeing two woozles that vaguely resembled his friends Kanga and Roo in his front room scared him stiff.
“HOW- BUT- Who- WHAT THE- woozles!?! Roo! Kanga!”
“Heffalumpppp got your tongue there, Rabbit?” Kanga said, almost flirtatiously.
“Who are you!?” Rabbit cried.
“We told you, it’s your old pals, Kanga and Roo!” Roo said with a whistle.
“Now Rabbit, I know that you’ve some hunny stashed in this place. Be a dear and go and get it, would you?”
“I�"” Rabbit thought of protesting, but then lept to his feet and ran to the kitchen to get all the hunny in the pantry.
Woozly Kanga and Woozly Roo simply looked at eachother and laughed and laughed. Rabbit returned with his stupid arms full of hunnypots, four in total.
“Two for me, two for you!” Roo exclaimed.
“Just an appetizer, I believe.” Kanga replied. She and Roo both snatched two pots a piece with one quick motion, and both plunged their snouts into one, slurping and gulping it all up, and licking the pot clean. Then proceeding to the other. Both drizzled the golden stuff on Kanga’s pretty apron. What a shame!
Rabbit watched in horror, not really caring so much about what became of his hunny, but more about what would happen to him!
“There- you have my hunny. Now go back where you came from!” Both Ws laughed.
“I’m afraid the icky sticky stuff was not the main purpose of our visit, Rabbit.” Kanga said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… this…” Kanga leaned down and gave Rabbit a smooch on the cheek, and lo and behold, Rabbit became a W as well. While taller, thinner, with a longer snout, he maintained the color of his hide, and his ears remained rather long. His mind became one of complete malevolence, and he was brought into the fold.
The three woozles laughed, and decided who the next stop should be.

4
Tigger was asleep in his bed, with a similar stocking cap as Rabbit’s, snoring like a bandsaw. His tail hung off the end of his bed as he did so. He rolled over in bed, just as he was startled awake by the same sort of claptrap that sprung poor Rabbit awake. However, Tigger was a bit more optimistic about the encounter, even from the outset, since he is always eager to meet new people.
“Well, better go see who it is!” He exclaimed. He bounded out of bed and bounced down the hallway to meet his new friends.
He swung the door open, and saw Kanga, Roo, and Rabbit, all in their woozly forms. He was astounded at the sight.
“Is it Halloween already? I’ve never seen more believable woozle costumes before!” He tried to pull Kanga’s snout off of her face, thinking that it was connected with elastic. “Wow, got it glued on pretty tight there, huh? What fun! Did you bring one for me
“In a manner of speaking, yes…” Kanga said wryly.
“Say, that’s some dress you’ve got there, Kanga! That thing’s got its own mailing address! I’m not even sure if you’ll fit inside the house! But let’s try!” He started yanking on her arm to pull her through the doorway, and Rabbit cooperated and pushed her in from behind.
“My goodness, what a gentleman!” Kanga said, taking a handfan from her apron, snapping it open, and cooling herself with it gently, batting her eyelashes at Tigger.
“If you say so! Seriously, what’s the deal with the getups? You guys gonna rob a bank or something!? Count me in! Although, I think it might be tough to make a quick getaway in that ballgown, Scarlet O’Hara!”
Kanga had a bit of a difficult time getting Tigger to stand still long enough for her to kiss him. In once of his bouncing fits, she simply grabbed him by the shoulder with her paw, pulled him in close and laid one on him right on the lips. He paused, as he was completely caught off guard.
“Whoa Kanga, what would Mr. Kanga say about this?” The magic dust started to dance around Tigger’s tail, and his body began to change shape. Don’t worry, he still has his tiger stripes, and of course the tail. He was an unusual W indeed.
“I completely understand now! H-h-h-hoooo! This is the greatest feeling of my life! I feel like I could bounce an entire mountain!”
“That’s the spirit!” Rabbit said.
“You know, I really like you a lot more all of a sudden!” Tigger said to the long-eared W.
“The feeling is mutual,” He retorted.
“Our business is not yet finished, I’m afraid. We are embarking on a tremendously ambitious undertaking.” Kanga said.
“English, there hippety-hop!” Tigger insisted.
“Just follow my lead, my striped friend.”
They each scurried out the door, except for Woozly Tigger, he bounced.

5
Piglet was hiding underneath his covers, because he often had a hard time getting to sleep, being the little chubby oval of pure fear that he was, any creaking or tapping outside of his window could send him into an anxious frenzy that led him to sincerely believe that he was soon going to be captured by a H. Any night now, they would come for him. An ironically defeatist attitude for the occupant of the Trespassers William estate.
Could it be that part of Piglets’ little cotton-headed psyche WANTED to be dragged off by a H? Just a thought.
So there he was, wriggled up behind his blanket, shivering, when the rap on the door came. If he had a heart, he would have had a heart attack. He was paralyzed with fear. He could hear a voice coming from outside.
“Open up, buddy boy!”
“Ohhh, it’s only Tigger.” Piglet breathed a sigh of relief. He put his slippers on and went to go see why Tigger was bothering him in the middle of the night.
He began opening the door as he said “Oh Tigger, I am glad to see you, I feel so silly, why, I thought�"” His relief quickly became panic when he realized that something very eerie was going on. He thought that perhaps the Ws had had the ability to simply mimic his friends closely in order to trick him, the idea that it might actually be them never crossed his mind. He froze, and closed his eyes tight, hoping that the most logical explanation was that it was simply a nightmare.
Woozly Tigger stepped inside and simply grabbed him by the leg, and turned him upside down. Piglet held his hands over his face still, Tigger held his face close to his and yelled “BOO!” Piglet removed his hands from his eyes and screamed, scrambled to attempt to escape Tigger’s grasp but it was comically ineffective.
“What’s going on!?” Piglet cried.
“We’re WOOZLES now!!” Roo answered with a feverish delight- he continued to ride his mother’s apron as she forced her way in behind Tigger.
“W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what!? H-h-how!?”
“Magic.” Woozly Kanga replied. Tigger threw Piglet to the ground. “Are you afraid?” Kanga leaned down so far to get in Piglet’s face that the back of her dress began to tip up, which led Tigger to lift it even further and take a look beneath. “Do you mind!?” Kanga whipped around quickly to prevent his voyeurism.
“Oh, c’mon Kanga, let’s see those pantaloons!” He lisped. Kanga rolled her eyes and returned to the captive Piglet. She waved her hands effortlessly to conjure a set of shackles chained to the wall. She lifted Piglet and applied these shackles on him, upside down. “You know what I really enjoy? Torture.”
Piglet began to whimper.
“W-w-w-w-what are you going to do to me?”
“We’ll give you something to be frightened of.” Woozly Rabbit chimed in. Piglet shivered. Kanga produced a extraordinarily frilly black parasol with a sharp point resembling a short bayonet in a cloud of magic dust, and held it to Piglet’s throat.
“Don’t be so scared old pal, why, you’re going to join us!” Tigger bounced.
“I-I-I-I don’t want to be a woozle! Leave me alone!”
“Nonsense, it’s incredible. Besides, with your body type, you’ll likely become a heffalump.” Kanga responded, removing the weapon from Piglet’s neck and causing it to disappear as quickly as she’d created it. Still, Piglet began to cry.
“Please, not a heffalump! Anything but a heffalump!” He sobbed.
“We are but differing avatars of the same being.” Kanga replied.
“You’ll love it, Piglet, we’re soooo powerful!” Roo said.
“And we always get what we want.” Rabbit said.
“B-b-but won’t I be evil? I don’t want to steal all of Pooh’s hunny!” They all laughed.
“That cotton-headed blob will have much more to worry about when I’m through with him.” Kanga said slyly.
“H-h-h-hoo! This is the most fun I’ve ever had!” Tigger exclaimed. Piglet continued to cry.
Kanga went over and kissed Piglet firmly on his cheek. Soon, he began to grow, and grow, and grow, and grow, and grow, massive and round. His shackles snapped, freeing him totally, as his snout extended out into a luscious trunk. His shirt seemed to not grow at the same rate as the rest of him, as it would not extend down low enough to cover his big swinging belly. His head practically struck the ceiling. His eyebrows sloped downward into a slick, devious smirk.
“D-d-d-dear…” Piglet said. “You guys were right… this is wonderful!” He then turned to Kanga and said “Tell me more about your plans for Pooh Bear? Will he become a heffalump too?”
“No, that’s the best part! What better psychological torture than finding out that all of your friends have been transformed into your absolute, deepest, darkest, most severe and terrifying nightmare!?”
“And we’ll torture him for YEARS!” Rabbit added.
“CENTURIES even!” Tigger bounced.
“Oh slow down, slow down, I don’t know if I can handle this much delight all at once!” Piglet exclaimed.