Robbed

Poem about a man who has been robbed from sight, sound and smell.

I see. Not the colors, Not the pictures.

I hear. Not the sounds. Not the music.

I smell. Not the perfume. Not the food.

Robbed of everything.

My sight.

My smell.

My hearing.

But I beg to differ.

Sure, I cannot see nature's beauty,

Sure, I cannot hear the artist's song.

Sure, I cannot smell the result of a master chef.

But I beg to differ.

You, my friend. Can sense the world.

You, my friend. HAVE to sense the world.

I cannot.

I shall not.

I wish not.

You, my friend. Can see the work of the devil.

You, my friend. Can see the evil of the world around us.

You, my friend. Can see the disastures waste it leaves.

I cannot.

I shall not.

I wish not.

Yes, I wish to be able to hear the words of others.

Yes, I wish to see and to put a face to a friend.

Yes, I wish I could smell the morning each day.

But I do.

I do hear the words of others.

I do have a face put to each friend.

I do smell the morning each day.

I see. With my third eye. I see my own pictures.

I hear. With my hidden ears. I hear sounds at my choosing.

I smell. With my second nose. I smell no displesenteries

The only difference between you and me is.

You see the world as it is.

I see the world as I created it.

Reviews

[RTB]

senses starting was cool that was my favorite part overall good poem changes flows in my head liked it keep at it

[RDOriginal]

This poem seems to explore the dichotomy between the world as intended and what it has become.

Unlike Scott I read the last stanza as suggesting that the narrator is not actually a human but more a creator or God, ''I see the world as I created it'. Interpreting it this way we are given an insight into how things should be rather than how they are in actuality. We might also interpret this as encouraging a dialogue into why we, as humans, are often focused on the negative aspects of life.

The voice of the narrator appears to be somewhat remote from the realities of life. There is an element of a condescending attitude when the reader as addressed as, 'You, my friend'. Perhaps this is because they are not of this world, or consider themselves beyond it? However, there appears to be acceptance that they may be missing out on what can only be described as the "human touch" when they described the sensations they are missing out on as a series of wishes, 'to hear the words of others', 'to see and to put a face to a friend' and to 'smell the morning each day'. On the whole these emotions are tempered down, there is no intense passion here rather a cool reflectiveness.

This is a poem that probably means very different things dependent on the interpretation of the reader. It's certainly powerful and thought provoking and I enjoyed reading it.

[Scott Kelly]

I do like your last stanza, though I'm not sure if following such a strict formula with your poem is in your best interest. We definitely get the picture, as it were. I would be interested in hearing how/why this narrator lost their sense of sight, sound and smell. That's the part I have trouble grasping, I guess - lost their sense of smell? I can see how an explosion/accident might knock out your sight and sound, but smell? Maybe add a short, one or two line glance at what caused this condition.

Aside from that, "displesenteries" is not a word. If it were a word, it would be spelled "displeasantries", as the closest thing to it is "Displeasantness," which is a word.

In a couple of the stanzas, or at least one ("But I do...") the formula is a bit.. wasted, I guess. I think the reader is going to understand "the point" as it were, since you so clearly state it in your last stanza. I wonder how mysterious and deep so many poets would appear if they didn't so neatly summarize their own ideas at the end of their poems?

Just some thoughts. Good effort and an interesting piece, but I'd like to see it elevated to greatness.

[r]

Whoa. That's amazing. I love it. Espacially the last stanza.
"The only difference between you and me is.//You see the world as it is.//I see the world as I created it."

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was very creative. Very nicely written and deep from the soul. I loved this. Thanks for sharing. :)

[ShaneBerry]

very deep and different

[Lighthouse Call]

woah, I must say u beat the challenge and passed with flying colours. Excellent!!

You, my friend. Can see the work of the devil.
You, my friend. Can see the evil of the world around us.
You, my friend. Can see the disastrues waste it leaves.

(disastures it should be i think)
But anyways, that was a part of my favourite lines. I loved it!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

mesmerizing~ you've taken what others view as disabilities and reshaped them into exquisite abilities~